Just learning that my spouse has QBPD

[JBDigital]

I have never done this before.  My spouse has most of the symptoms of Quiet BPD.  Some are severe.  She is meeting with the psychologist and psychiatrist for confirming the diagnosis.  They are talking about ECT therapy as an adjunct option for her.  She is not one to act out or display emotions, she pushes them inward.  Most of these thoughts and emotions look unfair and harsh from the outside so I can imagine the heft of what is going in. I hurt for her struggling spirit. I see a need to be supportive without being "triggering".  I am just looking for some advice on how to show up and listen better.  To become a safer partner for her. 
I am feeling better equipped after a few months of trying to work on me, but worry that I might say the wrong thing.  I wonder if I have enough of what she needs to find some healing. Mostly I want to be a safe place for her to go to, and to offer her more constant love.   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

worry that I might say the wrong thing. 

you almost certainly will. we all have and will again. try to understand that this will happen. being a safe place for her to go to, and a source of constant love (is precisely what you want to shoot for, and what she needs) doesnt preclude that. its what will sustain your relationship through the storms.

understand that a diagnosis and/or therapy may mean a lot of volatility, even if, initially, there is a sigh of relief for one or both of you. its a journey. things can get worse before they get better, and thats not to say they cant get a whole lot better! its just to encourage you to go into this process with eyes wide open, and youre asking the right questions.

there are (among many others) two good places to start in this process: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship
this is written for parents but is highly relevant: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/support-child-therapy

additionally, its a good idea to have a strong support system yourself. im glad you found us.

how long have you and your wife been married? what led up to her seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist?