Thanks razemarie,
I was thinking along the same lines and like how you said, "the disorder drives their actions." I attend a weekly support groups for loved ones of addicts. It is extremely helpful, I only wish there were a support group for this particular disorder. I guess at the end of the day I can rest in knowing the guiding principles can be used for healing and moving forward, regardless.
My UBPDexB struggled with alcoholism during our 8 year relationship. He drank between 10-24 beers every day of the week. It was also hidden from me at first. We are no longer together but he has been sober for a little over a year now. I had hoped that when he quit drinking, his abusive and bizzare behavior toward me would stop. We began counseling together and that is when it became clear to me that his issues were not really tied to him being an alcoholic. They went much, much deeper than that. After a lot of research and therapy I learned about BPD and the pieces fell into place. The core issue with BPD is typically a trauma that occurs during childhood. They may drink or use drugs as a way to self-medicate (which escalates the behaviors), but the disorder is what drives their actions.
