Taking My Life Back, One Pound At A Time

[RoaringSilence]

As my marriage with my uBPDw went on, I think I got deep into Walking On Eggshell mode.  At some point, I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I let friendships slip away, I quit doing things I loved to do, I didn't take care of my own needs, all to prevent the rages. 

I think my low point came on a doctor's visit.  My weight had ballooned to a number I never thought I would see.  Additionally, lab results were pointing toward chronic health problems on the horizon.  I had been very conscientious about physical fitness before getting married.  Over time I had fallen away from that.  The main issue was uBPDw's abandonment issues.  Going to the gym 3 evenings a week for an hour to an hour and a half made her a "gym widow".  If I went running, I was "going to meet my girlfriend".  I avoided the fight and let myself go.  After that doctor's visit, no more.

I told my uBPDw about the doctor's visit and the doctor's recommendation that I join a gym.  She again said she "didn't want to be a gym widow". A gym opened near my work, so I decided to go during lunch hour.  Since she was at work, no chance of being a gym widow.  This went better than I had anticipated.  After two months I had lost nearly 10 pounds!  I was also noticeably thinner and nearly everyone around me noticed... . except for uBPDw, who said nothing at all.

After a year at the gym, I decided to pick up running again and enter a 5K.  This also went better than expected.  This time, though, uBPDw couldn't avoid it.  She came to watch the 5K and brought our kids.  I won my age group!  Since then I have continued to run and compete in races and have won a few more awards.  Like with the gym, most of my training has been when she wouldn't be a "widow", often really early in the morning when she is still asleep.  This is actually my favorite time to run regardless of how she feels about it, so that isn't really a compromise.

Four years since that doctor's appointment and now I am over 30 pounds lighter and the lab results are outstanding!  I also have bloop pressure numbers I never thought I would see.

So, how could this be a bad thing?

Before nearly every race, I get to hear about how I am taking up all of *her* time with running.  I also get to hear how inconvenient it is for her to attend the races.  If I tell her it is OK if she doesn't go, then I "don't want to spend time with her."

A few weeks ago she fell into a rage and announced to me that my "physical fitness intimidated" her and that I was "going to replace her with a younger, more fit woman."

Despite all of that, after every race she brags on Facebook about my race and how well I did.  People I have never met that know her ask me about my running, so she is telling others. 

Dealing with a BPD spouse is frustrating as heck and nearly destroyed my self esteem.  Getting myself to where I want to be is hard, but I'm getting there.  I've found that the physical fitness outlet has benefited me in many ways, but the best has been that in at least one area I have been able to take my life back and still be married.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.