“Don’t cast your pearls”

[Red5]

... .wow!

How many times have I said that verse in my head... .“don’t cast your pearls”... .

~Red5

[Red5]

More Bible verses... .

Proverbs 21-19; “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

Proverbs 25:24; “It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”

Proverbs 27:15; “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike;”

... .hmmm,  Old King Solomon must have had troubles like us?

I’m going to look for more of Jordan Peterson’s (PhD) writings / videos... .

~Red5

[JNChell]

Hi again, Red5. How’s S32 doing? How are you doing? The verses you posted definitely speak about high conflict situations. It’s hard to rehash/remember/relive the contentious times when we just want to move past it all and move on with our lives. We can and do, but it doesn’t happen at the pace that we’d like it to around here. Get comfy with us.

I’m sure that you’re well attuned to the stages of grief and that there is absolutely nothing linear about processing them. Red5, it does start to eventually level out. Your mind will start to slow down and things will begin to become more clear to you. You’ve been through this before, but it was still different. The feelings and chaos that you’re currently dealing with are acute. The feelings are intense and in the here and now.

If you’re comfortable in sharing, how are you feeling right now? As in this moment.

JNChell, standing by.

[Tsultan]

Red5, that’s where I feel like I am dwelling right now in the wilderness.

 I went to a Church service a few weeks ago and the message was about dwelling in the wilderness and the jist was while it’s lonely and somewhat unknown it’s where we connect to our higher power (whom I choose to call God) at a deeper level. So that part definitely feels good to me. Although sometimes it feels lonely and even painful in the wilderness, that’s where I’m most likely to reach out to HP and ask for help. And without fail I get what I need.

Take for example last week when I was spinning after seeing my exBPDbf I asked for help through a quick prayer and then something told me to visit this site again and within moments I was writing about what happened and next thing you know I’m feeling better through all your guys support. True story.

I don’t know if I made any sense or not but I thought I would share that story and how I relate to being in the wilderness.

What do you think “don’t cast your pearls” means? I’m stumped with that one but the other vs brought me comfort. Thanks for sharing them.

How are you feeling today?

 
Tsultan.

 

[Red5]

(Hi again, Red5. How’s S32 doing? How are you doing? The verses you posted definitely speak about high conflict situations. It’s hard to rehash/remember/relive the contentious times when we just want to move past it all and move on with our lives. We can and do, but it doesn’t happen at the pace that we’d like it to around here. Get comfy with us.

I’m sure that you’re well attuned to the stages of grief and that there is absolutely nothing linear about processing them. Red5, it does start to eventually level out. Your mind will start to slow down and things will begin to become more clear to you. You’ve been through this before, but it was still different. The feelings and chaos that you’re currently dealing with are acute. The feelings are intense and in the here and now.

If you’re comfortable in sharing, how are you feeling right now? As in this moment.

JNChell, standing by.)

_______________________________________________________________________________

Tsultan
(Re: “don’t cast your pearls”

Red5, that’s where I feel like I am dwelling right now in the wilderness.
 I went to a Church service a few weeks ago and the message was about dwelling in the wilderness and the jist was while it’s lonely and somewhat unknown it’s where we connect to our higher power (whom I choose to call God) at a deeper level. So that part definitely feels good to me. Although sometimes it feels lonely and even painful in the wilderness, that’s where I’m most likely to reach out to HP and ask for help. And without fail I get what I need.

Take for example last week when I was spinning after seeing my exBPDbf I asked for help through a quick prayer and then something told me to visit this site again and within moments I was writing about what happened and next thing you know I’m feeling better through all your guys support. True story.
I don’t know if I made any sense or not but I thought I would share that story and how I relate to being in the wilderness.

What do you think “don’t cast your pearls” means? I’m stumped with that one but the other vs brought me comfort. Thanks for sharing them.
How are you feeling today?)
 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Tsultan.

JNChell & Tsultan,
(disclosure)… this thread was started by a moderator, not me… they extracted a comment I made over on “conflicted”… the title of the thread is “Re: Topic: VIDEO “How do you help someone with Borderline Personality Disorder~ Jordan Peterson PhD”

Seems I have been having this happen quite a lot lately  !… whatever : )
Anyways,  … so how am I doing?

Well, I’m hanging in there!… Seems I am a “Veteran of the Psychic Wars”  !
[Blue Oyster Cult: this song first appeared on the album Fire of Unknown Origin from 1981]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGKNaIXtBZQ

So in the thread I got extracted from, there is this dude named “Jordan Peterson (PhD)… I’ve never heard of him before yesterday… but wow!… he’s pretty cool (yes, I’m into the wine tonight, via ‘mason jar’ ; )

Continuing, so I took the day off today, as I had a couple of appointments today, and my S32(autistic) had a play today at his day program… so I “laid in today” … culminating with another appointment with Mrs. Lawyer today at 15:00…
… back to Peterson (PhD)… so I really liked the video, that ‘Tattered Heart’ had put up… as well another by ‘Harley Quinn’… so I cut him out, and pasted him into Youtube… and listened to him all afternoon… great stuff!

… ok downshifting, Peterson quotes a lot of Bible… I like that, as I do profess to be a Christian… I’m not a very good one, but I do “profess”… and Christianity is my “default” behavior / personality trait… “thank you Granny and Grampa!”
So Peterson (PhD) spoke of the “pearls before swine” line from the New Testament… here is the KJV of that particular scripture…  

*(cite wiki) “Matthew 7:6 is the sixth verse of the seventh chapter of the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament and is part of the Sermon on the Mount. This verse contains an ambiguous warning about placing "pearls before swine."

**In the King James Version of the Bible the text reads:
“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast
ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them
under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”

What did Jesus mean by this?… and why was Peterson (PhD) using this in his video…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=14&v=CdSaUVldSjc

Well, it means to me… we all have something to give, and some things within us are golden, precious… maybe “handed down”… pure in intent… maybe not for full public disclosure… as its “strong medicine”… yes, I got some Black Feet Indian in me… at least a couple of drops of red Indian blood in my veins… “thanks Dad!”… yes, my absentee Dad, never married mum… my Grandparents ‘took me’... .and raised me… I was a “basterd”… a “stray”… a “cast-off”… … thank _GOD_ for Granny and Grampa!

… the wine is takin effect : )

_SO_ what Jesus meant was… imho, maybe not take out the good stuff, unless you really are intent on saving another… because “they” might rebuke you, and throw your good intentions, and desire to “save” them into the street, only to be trodden under the hooves of hogs… swine… pigs… and then they will “rend you”... ie’ take you down… I am from the south… and there are a few “urban legends” that circulate around my home turf… “Suwannee County Florida”… first, every once in a while we hear of a farmer who is pulling stumps with his tractor, and he flips it over on himself under torque, and is subsequently crushed to death... .another one we may hear of a farmer just disappearing… ie’ a “hog farmer”… you see, if you may fall down in a pen of hogs, and become ‘incapacitate’, there will be nothing left of you… yeah, “turn and rend you” Jesus said… Granny used to tell us, stay out of the pen when you “slop the hogs”…

Jesus meant in that verse… that sometimes the message will fall onto deaf, and dump, and malignant ears… so don’t waste your time, or else endanger yourself unwisely… along the same lines was this verse… “Matthew 10:14 King James Version (KJV)-14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the very dust off your feet.”
I listened to Peterson (PhD) all afternoon; he impresses me… good messages… good stuff, “bread for the soul” type stuff!

(I’m sure that you’re well attuned to the stages of grief and that there is absolutely nothing linear about processing them. Red5, it does start to eventually level out. Your mind will start to slow down and things will begin to become more clear to you. You’ve been through this before, but it was still different. The feelings and chaos that you’re currently dealing with are acute. The feelings are intense and in the here and now.)

Yes JNChell, I am “endlessly processing”… lots to take onboard… lots of “what if” feelings and thoughts… yes, I do torture myself… I pin for her, I think of her almost constantly… I do love her still… but then who _was_ she “really”… and what did she do… then my mind turns over again… “self-protect mode” you see… the three operating modes of an AGM-88 Anti-Radar (radiation) Missile we called it the “HARM”… #1) Self-Protect, #2)Target of Opportunity, #3) Pre-Briefed Mission Profile…

I am still in love… but with a “phantom”, and “apparition”, a “mirage”, this woman who was to be my “soul mate” never even legitimately existed… I was fooled… I “fell for it” , and her… and then her mask slipped… but slowly (frog in pot)… over the last eleven, almost twelve years now… culminating in a rage attack on my autistic Son…

I’m going to be alright, I am a tough old basterd !

(Take for example last week when I was spinning after seeing my exBPDbf I asked for help through a quick prayer and then something told me to visit this site again and within moments I was writing about what happened and next thing you know I’m feeling better through all your guys support. True story.)

I too am a believer in the power of prayer Tsultan !

I got lots of personal accounts of prayers _actually_ being answered… but we have to be very careful what we ask for in prayer, because you know what… God has a sense of humor(!), and he is a master mathematician!… so you just might get what you ask for !

Yes, God is a comedian… I am a firm believer in that ; )

This multi-dimensional universe we are all a part of (star dust)… is all about numbers, perfect order, so forth and so on… nothing is by chance, no coincidences… only trends and patterns… yes, the wine has taken full effect : )
“God says to Peter, what did he ask for … hold my wine Brother, and watch this ha ha ha !”

We attend services every Sunday down town at the Methodist Church… my S32(autistic) absolutely loves going to Church every Sunday 
I was raised up in the Church of Christ back home ( the ex-fighter jock Chaplain across the street at the Group Headquarters called them “Hard Liners”   )…

I fell away for many years, but God always jerked a knot in my arse, and I came back…

…me and uBPDw went to the Baptist Church for a little while, as she was a “Baptist”… Matter of fact we got married in the Baptist Church downtown, that was the last time I ever wore my Dress Blue “Alpha” uniform (ooh rah)… but they got a new Pastor, and it (he) did not mesh, so we started going to the Methodist Church; now seven years ago now… (wow)... .

…now since she left, it’s just me and my Son that go… I still usher every third month…

How am I doing(?)… I had another appointment with Mrs. Lawyer today, and she said to me, “we will just lay low... and wait for the year to go by, and then we will move forward with divorce”… the only two things I am still tied to her in, are the house,  and that old second hand boat… I will have to refinance the house to get her name off the mortgage... .the boat, I only owe about 7k on… it can just sit there for all I care…

*There are three life insurance policies, and the wills to “fix”…

How am I doing(?)  … I am ok, lots to do around here… I got big plans… ie’ “re-fit” the ship… more “home improvements”… new wainscot, more trim, different paint, maybe some “stain”… maybe some new tile… “redo” the master bath… lots to do, undertake… I can stay very busy… for a very long time,

I purchased 6k in new furniture this evening… as she took everything… it will be delivered in mid-January… but what was here… it was all hers before we go married anyways… her nephews ex-wife has all my old furniture now, ha ha ha… long story…

My job is always pretty busy, I am “civil service” now (7 years)… I help support the AV-8B Harrier and the KC-130J Hercules aircraft (weapons)… always something going on… always something to do, to fix, to re-write, to “validate”… it’sa fun job, for an old retired ooh-rah jarhead aviation type like me…

How am I doing(?)… Yes, I miss her, but I don’t… I am still very conflicted, but I’m not(?)… a raging battle between heart felt emotion, and common sense… it goes on daily.

I feel a lot of guilt for “failing her”… I thought I could save her… but when she went after my kid (step mom)… that’s a deal breaker, and a heart breaker… that cannot “stand”… a firm nogo ; (

She is s-tage i-v r-c-c dx… that’s scares me… but she has left us now, and she has no precognition to seek any mental health therapy, as her whole world, and existence is now consumed by her /C/ dx…

The stats say… 8% of s-tage iv r-c-c live five years after dx ; (

This absolutely rips my heart out ; (

How am I doing(?)  … It’s tough… I fight myself everyday… I was supposed to “save” her… the “in sickness and in health” line stabs me in the heart… very deep… deep.

But punching my kid in the head… no,

So… how am I doing(?)… its after one AM here, I’m typing this, my mason jar is almost MT… listening to the film score of the old German U-boat movie “Das Boot”…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PebMP8s49w

…my Son has been asleep for hours now… the little white stray cat is on my couch (office)… and my old stray dog is asleep on his pillow behind me… I think the stray black cat is in my Son’s room with him in his bed, he likes the “fleece ‘tiger’ blanket”… the fire in the fire place went out hours ago… I need to split more wood this weekend…

I feel cold and empty inside… I want to cry, but I can’t… I need to eat better (more), I’m losing weight, ten pounds so far… Even small responsibilities, take great effort… I need some “time off”… to sleep… to “think”… same as 1995-2005-06, but maybe not as bad emotionally…

It’s like the first day of a six month cruise, as we steam out into the Atlantic… or fly away, to another  WESTPAC deployment… six-nine-twelve months this time… “again”… like, we are going back to the desert again… the empty feeling, the absolute pain in your heart, will my kids miss me… Jesus Christ : (

I still have not gotten a Christmas Tree, but I intend to… no time like the last minute eh’… I covered a lot of ground today… this divorce stuff, paper work, financial records… so forth and so on, insurance coverages/statements…
(If you’re comfortable in sharing, how are you feeling right now? As in this moment.)

I’m f_ckin tired man… not only physically, but emotionally… I feel like I’ve been on a mission for God… the first wife, now this one… I feel like I was under orders, direction… to pick them up and carry them for a while (decades?)… does that even make any sense?

I feel like I was a “place-holder” in both their lives… like that dude in the movie “The Transporter”

I saved my first wife from her abusive home… now she is “free”… now “Kriztein” is gone too, what was it I did for her(?)… I think I pretty much f_cked up her life to be honest, when I met her, she had a great state job with the college, she had her own house, she drove a Mustang… she was fresh out of no less than 4 relationships after her divorce, all in about a thirteen month period of time  !
… what the heck was I thinking?

Then she met me, and we immediately “enmeshed”… So ten years downrange… she resigned and took state disability about a year ago, she sold her house, seems to me, that maybe… I was her conduit to become a “pensioner”… I don’t think she could have paid all her bills, and kept that home as long as she did if we hadn’t met, married, and her moved into my home, and we “combined” everything… but now she is “free”… but will she be autonomous?

… Why did she go and have to punch my kid?… I’ve “roll reversed this many many times in my head”…

One of my thought processes is… why; if it were just me and her, I could take her $hit!

Me, the big bad salty well-traveled Marine !

But my Son,  … no!, _NOT_ him… why did she do that?

… round and round I go… don’t matter knowhow, she is g-o-n-e ~> and she isn’t coming back : (

And would I even want her too (?)… It has been very “peaceful” around here since December the 1st.

Don’t think I could ever “go back”… heart be damned…

Ok, its zero two here local time nw… mason jar is MT…

Thanks for listening!... .it started raining again... .

Love Ya’ll !

Red5 out !

[juju2]

wow Red.

you have covered a lot of spiritual ground.

i have it like i am a dormant tree.  I look lifeless to casual glances, my life, now, my heart is on hold, dormant, and under all the "ground" is a beating, living life source... .

[Tsultan]

Red5, I have watched Peterson before too! I like how he says if you offer something to someone and they don’t take it maybe we should stop offering it to them and offer it to someone else. So simple when you put it that way. That’s exactly what I was doing with my exBPDbf.

I also liked his visual about what to do when a person drowns - we put our hands and feet out so they don’t take us down with them. I can’t go down with my exBPDbf anymore. I definitely need to save myself. It’s too painful and I don’t want that anymore. Life is too short.

All of what he says is so good. It’s funny I’m reading other people’s post about how they binge watch you tube videos about the disorder- I do the same. I started to feel like I was going a bit crazy because they were like my lifeline. Something about them validated what I was going through and I need that right now. I don’t like the one guy who demonizes them though. I stay away from him as I honestly don’t think they can help themselves at the moment.

Be gentle with yourself Red5. I do think we will make it through this.

I love slogans and bible verses they are simple and easy to remember.

One day at a time sometimes one moment at a time. This too shall pass, first things first, do the next right thing.

Hugs, Tsultan

[Gemsforeyes]

Dear Red-
I’m so sorry... .your pain is palpable.  Please try NOT to shoulder the blame, although I get that after years of being told everything is your fault, you become accustomed to absorbing all those verbal blows.  You did NOT f**k up her life.  Not at all.

I believe that we become so used to forgiving such horrible behavior time and time again, that when a truly unforgivable act takes place, it’s hard to face the reality of what’s happened.  Yeah, it’s hard to grasp that she actually physically attacked your sweet boy.  Unforgivable.

I’ve told myself, or rather wished a million times “if only”, but no... .and this past weekend he said he wanted “to deck me”.  That was a first.  Enough.  I cannot risk his escalation.

The burden of trying to help people who refuse to help themselves cannot be ours.  No matter how deeply we love them.

Wishing you and your son peaceful times together.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[Cromwell]

... .amongst swine

[Red5]

... .amongst swine

‘or... .“swine parrot”... .https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LLtwBSMVx3M. 

Red5

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi Red,

I watch Jordan Peterson too, also Kris godinez, sometimes David Demars. It's like I keep searching over and over for confirmation that the behaviors are not unique... .there's a reason why, and I was never equipped to change another person, even if I just wanted him to get better so he could have a better life.

I've come to believe that possibly he doesn't really want the "better life" as I think of it... .where he is sober and emotionally and mentally stable. I think he really just wants a life of constant sympathy and caretaking where no one else has needs to be met except him, ever.

I don't believe that is God's will. I can't believe that God would ever expect me to stay in such a situation, especially if there is harm to me or my kids.

I grew up in the church of Christ also. Some of the rigid beliefs and absolute literal interpretation of Scripture has stuck with me, become part of the "committee in my head"... .Like no divorce except for sexual immorality, and stuff like that... .I had to look further into Scripture to find a wider scope of what God's will is for marriage, and also what it isn't.

It also helps me to know that God sets boundaries too, and He will never go against a person's free will. Even if they choose to live life in a way that ultimately harms them and keeps them from having a relationship with God. He doesn't zap anyone and say, "ok, you're changed, whether you want to or not, it's for your own good." So I can't try to do that either.

It also helps me to know that God understands what it's like to love someone who hurts you, who won't turn from their selfish ways, and who makes relationship with them impossible. He stands back and lets many of His children make their own choices, even though it is painful because he loves them.

Back to Jordan Peterson... .the video where someone asked him "how do you help someone with BPD"... .he responded "by example", but went on to clarify that that only helps if the pwBPD is in treatment and trying to get better. The most telling part of the answer, to me, was the short laugh he let out before the response. It seemed to say so much, that laugh, such as that there are limited ways in which to help someone with BPD under the ideal circumstances, and pretty nigh impossible under the worst.

It at least validated that I was setting myself up for failure with an impossible task, and it says more about me that I tried my best instead of that I failed.

Take care Red, and Merry Christmas to you and s32.

Redeemed

[Cromwell]

Red5

Thank you for making me laugh like that.

swine parrot, parrot swine.

Yea, lets replace cocaine whore, snake-rat, rat-snake, "worst C"

Red5, one of my biggest faults in life, I over-estimated and it was rooted in fear amplifaction, rooted in anxiety state. A warfare on going likened to terorrism and guerilla warfare "when, where, how?" forget about time for the "why?" that got put on the back burner.

One of my thought processes is … why; if it were just me and her, I could take her $hit!

Same Buddy, but the day you are forced into a corner because they dont play by the rules - when it becomes cheating to 'win' and there is no more scope to manouver out. Well... .you didnt let her hit your son and capitulate.

real Dirty fighters these swine parrots, right?

Another Christmas, no card, no gift, no attention. no feeding time at the zoo. parrot swine, yep Red5, in the midst of emotional upset theres something in each and every one of your posts here; a crystal clear clarity.

that BPD drone will run out of battery soon I know it will. Red5, a year will pass for you too, count those days down, it also doesnt need to be a nightmare, I know this in hindsight. this is not just about your son, as much as it isnt just that my step son was the conduit to throwing the game pieces and board over; "the freak is gone" - he said.

i realised I wanted more out of life too and each day I compare and contrast, "I could take her $hit!" or I could go on and flourish without needing to anymore.

[JNChell]

Hey there, Red. Sorry that it’s taken me a bit to get back to your thread. I bury myself here and am constantly finding it hard to keep up. Maybe I need to make some adjustments.

Jordan Peterson is amazing! I’ve been listening to him a lot lately. He’s a PhD that has a good grasp on philosophy. I think that he mixes the two very well. He’s also a great debater. He’s visibly grounded in his values and doesn’t budge from them. There’s a lot of junk psychology out there, but he doesn’t fit that mold. He’s the real deal. I’m glad that you brought him up.

How did the play go? Was S32 happy at the outcome?

I’m intrigued by your posts because I’m currently on the fence about God. I was raised in the RC Church. Life behind closed doors could be terrifying, so I eventually cut God out of the picture. I’ve never really been an atheist or agnostic, but I’ve had doubts because of my experiences. In a nutshell, I was raised to believe that my beliefs didn’t matter. So, at 42, I’m exploring things again. My best friend is a Christian. I’ve touched on the subject with him here and there. He advised me to research events of people dying and coming back to life. I’ve not yet done this, but my friend says that their testimonies are very similar. I don’t have any certain direction that I’m taking here, but it seems like a person should be grounded in a sense of faith. Regardless if it’s Christianity or whatever. I don’t have that and I’m curious about how being grounded in faith feels?

I’ve thought about approaching Pastors with my thoughts and questions, but I don’t have that confidence right now. I’ve thought about Priests because I have a little knowledge there, but there is too much going on within the Catholic Church right now.

I’d like your insight on faith and how it’s benefiting you along the way. The more that I learn and discover, it feels like I may have an emptiness when it comes to faith.