I hope that you are able to find the answers you are looking for. Healing from BPD takes a lot of hard work and it sounds like you are in a place where you want to begin making things better. It takes a great deal of courage to seek help!
This site is for family members and relationship partners of BPD sufferers. This is where we learn to support our loved ones, and where we learn to take care of ourselves. Because of this, we do not have the resources to help individuals with BPD, but I encourage you to check out
Resources for BPD Sufferers. You will find links to more appropriate forums, where you will find others like yourself who were brave enough to have taken positive steps towards healing.
I wish you all the best in your healing process.