Do you ever get curious?

[Schermarhorn]

I've had my ex blocked on everything for 5 months now. Aside from randomly seeing her near the bus stop, I have not had anything to do with her. Which I am thankful for.

Now I am wondering if anybody else has been curious to what they have been doing? As in relationships, friendships, etc. I find myself wondering if she was still with the guy from 5 months ago, or if that ship has sailed.

There has been days I will be bored and almost look her up, but I end up not doing it because I'm afraid it will set me back or something. I feel that by me actively trying to not see her, that I am staying attached to her in a way, as I keep wanting to see what she's been up to. Especially since I have been seeing her alone recently.

So is curiosity like this apart of the healing process? Should I continue to force myself to stay away, or would a peek do no harm?

[Fox Mulder]

As someone who has peeked - it is incredibly harmful and it will set back your recovery. Please don't do it.

[valet]

Hey nonya, I'd say that being curious is a pretty natural feeling to have about anyone you shared a significant bond with.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to check up on people, but then again, you'd have to consider your potential reaction(s). If it's going to invoke strong emotions from you and cause rumination, then maybe it's best to stay away from looking.

Do you remember how you felt when you saw her at the bus stop?

[GreenEyedMonster]

I am probably one of the few people here who has more or less known what is going on with my ex the whole time.  It is nothing terribly exciting.  I do not envy his life and I do not envy anyone else who becomes involved with him.

With that said, looking is harmful to you if you don't have your own reasons to move on by now.  I have decided that my ex's EXTREME volatility, financial mismanagement, lack of general initiative, and disheveled appearance are enough to break the deal for me, regardless of whether he wants me back or not.

If the only reason you're not with your ex is because s/he doesn't want you, looking might stir up a lot of discomfort.

[Schermarhorn]

I am probably one of the few people here who has more or less known what is going on with my ex the whole time.  It is nothing terribly exciting.  I do not envy his life and I do not envy anyone else who becomes involved with him.

With that said, looking is harmful to you if you don't have your own reasons to move on by now.  I have decided that my ex's EXTREME volatility, financial mismanagement, lack of general initiative, and disheveled appearance are enough to break the deal for me, regardless of whether he wants me back or not.

If the only reason you're not with your ex is because s/he doesn't want you, looking might stir up a lot of discomfort.

Even if she was healthy I wouldn't take her back. Too much has happened. I wouldn't even have the thought of doing anything to sabotage my current relationship.

The reason I feel really anxious when I saw her earlier was because I am afraid of a possible confrontation or something. To be honest I believe I am a bit scared of her, and what she would do if she was pissed off.

I personally don't think looking her up would upset me, but I don't want it to become a habit. For now I think its best to hold off as you guys suggested.

[GreenEyedMonster]

The reason I feel really anxious when I saw her earlier was because I am afraid of a possible confrontation or something. To be honest I believe I am a bit scared of her, and what she would do if she was pissed off.

I personally don't think looking her up would upset me, but I don't want it to become a habit. For now I think its best to hold off as you guys suggested.

I feel the same way.  I am seeing my ex on Saturday evening.  I am not particularly worried about being taken in by him, but rather what he will do if I upset him in some way.  He has some serious narcissistic rage.

[Schermarhorn]

The reason I feel really anxious when I saw her earlier was because I am afraid of a possible confrontation or something. To be honest I believe I am a bit scared of her, and what she would do if she was pissed off.

I personally don't think looking her up would upset me, but I don't want it to become a habit. For now I think its best to hold off as you guys suggested.

I feel the same way.  I am seeing my ex on Saturday evening.  I am not particularly worried about being taken in by him, but rather what he will do if I upset him in some way.  He has some serious narcissistic rage.

Yeah, I have been threatened by her before during our relationship. Luckily the only thing she has done to me outside of raging is a local smear campaign towards her friends. We did end on okay terms, I think.

Anyways, oddly enough I saw the guy she was with walking towards her apartment today when I got home from class. So I am assuming they are still together. It bothered me for a second, wondering how they are still together. Comparing how long it has lasted with my relationship with her, but it doesn't matter. Eventually he will be treated the same, and he may already have been. The time we had our major breakup was when I called her out on how she treated me. He may just be dealing with it, or she is still in the honeymoon phase.

I don't want to fall into the trap that their relationship is perfect. I can tell I am getting more desensitized to the whole ordeal. Before something would have me in a wreck for days. Now it is just like 10 seconds and I'm over it.

This does help me realize that I need to keep her blocked though. Every time since I have met her, when she is single she would try to recycle with me. I still have a feeling she would try to reappear whenever she is out of a relationship.

[Herodias]

As I become stronger and not interested in ever being back with mine... .I still am caught up in his drama. It's like watching a bad soap opera! Somehow for me, it helps me know that he is repeating the pattern and it wasn't me in the least! I know now that I am correct that he got back involved in some way with the woman I found in my bed a year ago that ended our relationship... .all while living with the pregnant gf and "trying" with me... .whatever he meant by that... ? He has people believing that the company he works for just demoted him because "it was his time and that's what they do"... .not that he has been womanizing and lying, isn't a team player and doesn't do his job! He hasn't changed and he is doing the same thing to her that he did to me... .exactly the same! It is weird! Maybe I now can compartmentalize or something, but unfortunately I am still married to him (although I am not convinced he hasn't told everyone that we are divorced).  He is such a liar... .Who would know unless they looked it up? I think the current gf won't look things up and investigate like I did... .She just believes him. I know what's going on, by what she posts on Facebook and by my life with him. I know- I shouldn't watch the train wreck... .It's not making me miss him, believe me! It's making me more glad I am out!