In my case, my faith has been both a source of strength and an area of abuse. My uBPDh and I were leaders in our faith community when he became physically abusive to me and some of the incidents occurred at our place of worship. I was forced out by the leadership. During the darkest times, I would spend time with God, pouring out my thoughts and emotions.
One of the aspects that came up repeatedly in h's complaints about me was that I wasn't worshiping with him. He knew that I was told to worship elsewhere, and he was on staff at his faith community. Eventually, he resigned from that part time job, saying that he didn't leave the community with me. He is still at the same faith community. He would tell me that God says that I had to worship with him and that our marriage wouldn't be healed unless we were worshiping together.
Oh my goodness, empath, I am so sorry you experienced this. This kind of behavior is not of God. You just have to look at the example of Jesus. Did he kick anyone out of worshiping with him? Jesus purposefully went to those who were considered unclean or somehow unworthy of worshiping in the Temple. Jesus went to the marginalized, the abused and the outcast - those were his people. And I think we are still His people today.
My church community is also full of people who have experienced spiritual abuse. I have heard so many stories of people who have been hurt by the church or church leadership. I am so glad that you were able to find a faith community who validate you and your experience!
As for your h's complaint, it sounds like he is giving you a no-win situation. You cannot return to the church that cast you out and you cannot heal the marriage with out returning to that church. It certainly is a convenient way to make it seem like it is all your fault.
My question for him would be if worshiping together means attending the same church. After all, "where two or more are gathered in my name... .". Worship doesn't have to happen only in a church building. It could be a way to use logic and scripture to disarm this weapon he is using against you.