Hello sherlock3. I am sorry you have faced so much in such rapid succession. In your introductory post, you made some really good points that I'd like to highlight here.
Hi everybody, I've been nc with BPDxgf for over 2 months now. I was with her for over a year with the occassional nc for days at a time which I never quite understood. She wore me down gradually both physically and emotionally. She made me doubt what type of person I was (good, bad, selfish,etc.,etc.).
It is amazing how the erosion happens gradually and then dramatically. Many of us are left feeling doubtful about who we are, and we question what we've become. This is very normal.
Early on, I printed this list, and read it over and over:
Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - 10 Beliefs That Can Get You StuckI wanted to make this post short and to the point but I'm missing a good year of details which include bizarre mood swing, rages ,accusations, insults, disrespect, and manipulations from her. I'm still angry and dealing with her departure and wondering why I still think of her. I miss what was, at one point and I can't believe I put up with the abuse for so long. I look forward to any feedback and I appreciate everbody here for all the information which has helped me tremendously with understanding BPD and what I've been dealing with. Thanks for the support.
What you are feeling is very normal. Have you read about the FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt)?
Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG”Keep posting. We're here for you.