A sandwich I dont want to eat but I am being forced to eat

[legalboxers]

So today is one year since "she" choked me with a charger cable. How do I remember this - When John Lewis died I was watching it on television. She also accused me of giving her a UTI. and in the bathroom blaming me saying how I dont want to fix things what do you want me to do? Sit in the bathroom with you as you do this? While all this is going on, my Mother is calling me asking me if Im okay, In addition to - my friend who is asking me if these potato chips taste good. These were potato chips with the flavor of Grimaldis a famous pizzeria here.

She messaging me then claimed I was lying because I stated I hadnt met her or seen her, - I seen her a year ago prior to her cancer and her passing Thats when I hung up on her.  

Person two. Someone I knew since HS, who is having many issues with paranoia and other things. Goes through red light cameras (we have many where we live) and goes through EZ PASS tolls without paying - knowing full well you have to and blaming someone else. Then on top of it, having me do research... Right You have over $1000 in fines with the EZ Pass and Red Light Cameras.. and having me print it, Ink costs the same price as a low end printer. Why cant you get one on your own. . Then you have a cavity and you think your going to die.

Then you got my mother. She wanted a salad, she loves a particular type of salad dressing (Robusto Italian). Since we didnt have it but had Vingrette - Shes like "thats disgusting - we have no Robusto" pouted, stomped her feet (I am not exaggerating) for a good 4 hours. Going on and on about the salad dressing

Person Three - She is someone I knew for a while and met her on a Yahoo Chat Room (if anyone wants to feel really old). I met her when her sister died from an OD (Drugs / Alcohol) I stood by her as long as I could. I dated her. She said and got mad when we met up and did the deed. I didnt talk to her for a few years, one day I was like "PLEASE READ this"  I had enough of her and said let me unload. She was in the hospital from a heart attack. The man she was supposedly with stressed her out so badly and it almost killed her. So I stood by her the best I could. And that wasnt enough

Months and years went by... Last year her mother died, (a week after the crazy ex) and her condition I dont know how to explain it. She went on for years about a cop she hooked up with was following her (mind you - you are assigned to precincts, you cant deviate unless there is a detail - or something big)  

Her usual rant - He is following me where ever I go and how she wants to do physical bodily harm to this person. About her cousin who supposedly ruined her insurance. Then how she is "such a jerk" when it comes to her house and how she acts around her aunt. and how guys are **********. which is her usual thing and talks the same thing FOR HOURS..

And last.. my friend from Ohio, for years I would get gifts from her - birthday, christmas and mothers day (she thought about my mom) until all stopped. She didnt tell me whats going on - but they were subtle instances.  I dont know why she couldnt tell me outright? She met me one-time. I dont want or need the aggravation...

So to recap..
  Person 1 - crazy ex who keeps harping on something.. and wont give up
  Person 2 - My crazy friend from HS.. Who practically really uses me. Says I dont like going out (Moms Fault)
  Person 3 - Friend who thinks the world is coming for her and people following her.
  Person 4 - Friend who ghosts me and expects me to be happy..

Crap Sandwich.. Dont you think?

[B53]

Hi legalboxers,

I have been following your posts for awhile. I don’t want to sound unempathic, because I feel your pain, I’m on this site too. There is one common denominator in your crap sandwich and that is you. ( I have come to the same conclusion about myself) These people come our way because you/me let them. You deserve better, I deserve better, we all deserve better. Do these people really care about what you’re  going through? It seems to me, that all these people do is suck the life out of us. In psychology, it is said, that we teach people how to treat us. If that is the behavior we accept, then that is the behavior we will receive. I have been and am, eliminating these kind of people out of my life. It is becoming easier. There is a great life ahead of us, all we have to do is believe it. There are a lot of great people out there, look how many are on this site.

I have gone NC for over five months now, ignoring all attempts for a recycle. It is hard at times, I have felt, great sadness for him and me, small amounts of guilt knowing he is feeling abandoned (brought on my himself) and fear of not knowing what the future brings. Someone on here talked about the emotional brain as the rational brain, which is a great way to look at things. My rational brain knows that I will get through this and go on to lead a happier, healthier life. I am being kind to my emotional brain, but listening to my rational brain. Wouldn’t we all say that we would do anything to have a happier life?  I am willing to do what I have to do, no matter how painful it is to get there.

I hope your rational brain can get through to your emotional brain that you deserve so much more and are worth it.

You’re not alone, you have a big family here.

B53

[legalboxers]

Hi legalboxers,

I have been following your posts for awhile. I don’t want to sound unempathic, because I feel your pain, I’m on this site too. There is one common denominator in your crap sandwich and that is you. ( I have come to the same conclusion about myself) These people come our way because you/me let them. You deserve better, I deserve better, we all deserve better. Do these people really care about what you’re  going through? It seems to me, that all these people do is suck the life out of us. In psychology, it is said, that we teach people how to treat us. If that is the behavior we accept, then that is the behavior we will receive. I have been and am, eliminating these kind of people out of my life. It is becoming easier. There is a great life ahead of us, all we have to do is believe it. There are a lot of great people out there, look how many are on this site.

I have gone NC for over five months now, ignoring all attempts for a recycle. It is hard at times, I have felt, great sadness for him and me, small amounts of guilt knowing he is feeling abandoned (brought on my himself) and fear of not knowing what the future brings. Someone on here talked about the emotional brain as the rational brain, which is a great way to look at things. My rational brain knows that I will get through this and go on to lead a happier, healthier life. I am being kind to my emotional brain, but listening to my rational brain. Wouldn’t we all say that we would do anything to have a happier life?  I am willing to do what I have to do, no matter how painful it is to get there.

I hope your rational brain can get through to your emotional brain that you deserve so much more and are worth it.

You’re not alone, you have a big family here.

B53

I think I am. I let them do this. My former friend had an illness - yet she wanted a security job. I refereed her, and she made me look like a jerk. Then my other "Friend" from HS, and her speeding and other "tickets". Then my other "friend" who complains about her family. Im trying to put it at arms length. And smile more.. Thank you B53!

[grumpydonut]

Legal,

I agree with B53. You come across as a good person, but one who needs stronger boundaries (like most, if not all, of us on here). Try to take back your autonomy over your life by being the one who decides how people are allowed to treat you. I have started having stronger boundaries with people, and it definitely increases your self esteem!

[legalboxers]

Legal,

I agree with B53. You come across as a good person, but one who needs stronger boundaries (like most, if not all, of us on here). Try to take back your autonomy over your life by being the one who decides how people are allowed to treat you. I have started having stronger boundaries with people, and it definitely increases your self esteem!

working on it.. everyday is a new day to build up that wall. and make myself stronger

[MeandThee29]

I have been following your posts for awhile. I don’t want to sound unempathic, because I feel your pain, I’m on this site too. There is one common denominator in your crap sandwich and that is you. ( I have come to the same conclusion about myself) These people come our way because you/me let them. You deserve better, I deserve better, we all deserve better. Do these people really care about what you’re  going through? It seems to me, that all these people do is suck the life out of us. In psychology, it is said, that we teach people how to treat us. If that is the behavior we accept, then that is the behavior we will receive. I have been and am, eliminating these kind of people out of my life. It is becoming easier. There is a great life ahead of us, all we have to do is believe it. There are a lot of great people out there, look how many are on this site.

Yes, long-term marriage followed by a high conflict divorce here.

I finally learned after way too many decades that I can choose who is close to me, period. Of course, there are people in my outer circles that I don't like and/or don't trust that I have to deal with, but I don't have to have them close to me. I can choose people close to me who have a growth mindset and are dealing with their issues. In my case, that meant a big flip in my priorites and who I hang out with. That's what boundaries do.

[legalboxers]

ADDENDUM Forgot to add this one..
Met someone on a dating site ions ago. We talked off an on. She had a decent job. Then lost it.She went back to her "roots" where she worked. I refereed her to my boss who does security (which she did long ago) She comes and pitches a fit on how he runs a "tight ship" etc and how she was thrown into something she didnt want to since she had an underlying condition. Being the guy is my boss Im not going to butt heads with him and I am friends with him and need his support over this person.

So - as in my line of work, I listen to both sides. I didnt even get a THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME A JOB All I got was complaint after complaint.. Maybe its just me...

[legalboxers]

Yes, long-term marriage followed by a high conflict divorce here.

I finally learned after way too many decades that I can choose who is close to me, period. Of course, there are people in my outer circles that I don't like and/or don't trust that I have to deal with, but I don't have to have them close to me. I can choose people close to me who have a growth mindset and are dealing with their issues. In my case, that meant a big flip in my priorites and who I hang out with. That's what boundaries do.

I dont have many friends, so I keep no one close. And I wont keep enemies closer (sorry, Godfather mentality - NYer in me). At my age I dont know anymore. Whats sad is I never met anyone on here in RL. and I consider you family to me. You are my support system

[B53]

Speaking of boundaries, just got another email from my ex. In all this time, I have not responded to one of them. How long is it going to take for him to get the message? They really do live in a world all their own.

I’m kidding when I say this, but I think there should be an ex partner with BPD dating site. We are all empathetic, caring people and we could give all that to people who deserve it. LOL

Stay strong everyone!

B53

[Goosey]

Quote from above:
“I have been following your posts for awhile. I don’t want to sound unempathic, because I feel your pain, I’m on this site too. There is one common denominator in your crap sandwich and that is you. ( I have come to the same conclusion about myself) These people come our way because you/me let them. You deserve better, I deserve better, we all deserve better.”

    I think we are programmed to feel we don’t deserve better.
  I had a crazy dream last night about my ex.
And the whole time she was talking about crazy stuff and a insect hatched out of her skin and she was scribbling numbers and I asked what they where and she said it was the vegas  vegas odds on the next head of the Fed and she has in a blue tooth and I realized she wasn’t talking to me and I reached up to pull the cord to make the bus stop and I woke up to an empty room to start another day. I laughed out loud. That’s how it was.
Just non stop bewilderment.
   I glance at woman now. They are either too smart for me,too attractive for me, too successful for me….. so on and so on.
  And they are!   We all have baggage though I feel we have samsonite gorilla throwing size baggage.
    My ex called me and emailed me yesterday, she was alerted by my attorney to come sign a deed and pick up her first payout.
  The usual email. How I destroyed her. How all her new lovers are liars and users and how I took everything from her.
  Total projection.
   At least I’m dreaming again.

[legalboxers]

Speaking of boundaries, just got another email from my ex. In all this time, I have not responded to one of them. How long is it going to take for him to get the message? They really do live in a world all their own.

I’m kidding when I say this, but I think there should be an ex partner with BPD dating site. We are all empathetic, caring people and we could give all that to people who deserve it. LOL

Stay strong everyone!

B53

I have my days sadly.. a smell, a song, a food, a memory. Im trying

[legalboxers]

Quote from above:
“I have been following your posts for awhile. I don’t want to sound unempathic, because I feel your pain, I’m on this site too. There is one common denominator in your crap sandwich and that is you. ( I have come to the same conclusion about myself) These people come our way because you/me let them. You deserve better, I deserve better, we all deserve better.”

    I think we are programmed to feel we don’t deserve better.
  I had a crazy dream last night about my ex.
And the whole time she was talking about crazy stuff and a insect hatched out of her skin and she was scribbling numbers and I asked what they where and she said it was the vegas  vegas odds on the next head of the Fed and she has in a blue tooth and I realized she wasn’t talking to me and I reached up to pull the cord to make the bus stop and I woke up to an empty room to start another day. I laughed out loud. That’s how it was.
Just non stop bewilderment.
   I glance at woman now. They are either too smart for me,too attractive for me, too successful for me….. so on and so on.
  And they are!   We all have baggage though I feel we have samsonite gorilla throwing size baggage.
    My ex called me and emailed me yesterday, she was alerted by my attorney to come sign a deed and pick up her first payout.
  The usual email. How I destroyed her. How all her new lovers are liars and users and how I took everything from her.
  Total projection.
   At least I’m dreaming again.

I am afraid to date.. since we got an uptick in Covid again - Im vaccinated, I just dont wanna do anything. I read more here now more than ever.

[B53]

I’m not too afraid of Covid now that I got the shot, but I am not going to put myself in harms way.

I am not only going to date, I’m going to be happy! I gave and wasted enough time on my ex, he doesn’t deserve to own even the smallest part of me, as they say, “rent space in my head”. I’m walking away, stronger and wiser. As I was writing this, a song came on. It is So appropriate! Rascal Flatts,   Stand

https://youtu.be/OT10h5vqmZs

Do give up! We can get through this!

B53

[Goosey]

Just drove home from work and listened to Kenny chesney “knowing you”.
  Ya I would do the rollercoaster again I think sometimes, though I know my recollections don’t match reality.
 She is one powerful lure. I type this and laugh that I finally just got divorced. I’m broke with the payout and I’m thinking maybe we could have a cup of coffee sometime. 
  Better song is the one about the difference of living and living well. 
   Nice day. All take care. 

[khibomsis]

HeyLB, writing on my phone so won't be long.  You got this! Excellent advice from fellow posters. Maybe check out CODA.org ? 

[legalboxers]

HeyLB, writing on my phone so won't be long.  You got this! Excellent advice from fellow posters. Maybe check out CODA.org ? 

looks like an interesting site.. TY!

[legalboxers]

Just drove home from work and listened to Kenny chesney “knowing you”.
  Ya I would do the rollercoaster again I think sometimes, though I know my recollections don’t match reality.
 She is one powerful lure. I type this and laugh that I finally just got divorced. I’m broke with the payout and I’m thinking maybe we could have a cup of coffee sometime. 
  Better song is the one about the difference of living and living well. 
   Nice day. All take care. 

always in search of a better day

[legalboxers]

I’m not too afraid of Covid now that I got the shot, but I am not going to put myself in harms way.

I am not only going to date, I’m going to be happy! I gave and wasted enough time on my ex, he doesn’t deserve to own even the smallest part of me, as they say, “rent space in my head”. I’m walking away, stronger and wiser. As I was writing this, a song came on. It is So appropriate! Rascal Flatts,   Stand

https://youtu.be/OT10h5vqmZs

Do give up! We can get through this!

B53

Im vax too. Its just days go by.. hours go by.. I keep on hitting erase.