A little setback

[AwakenedOne]

I was glancing at an online dating website in my area tonight just to look at female members in my city with no real intent to join. You don't have to sign up to view the profiles. I unfortunately saw the profile of my BPD x wife in the list after an age range search. I saw her picture and some of the content in the thumbnail view and like a moth going toward the bright light I clicked it to see what her full profile page looked like. I wish I hadn't of done that.

Kind of disgusting looking at it and her. I actually feel like I need to barf and take a shower. Is it possible to wash my eye balls out and brain?

[fromheeltoheal]

That can be a good thing too Awakened; it's a great way for us to see how we're doing with our detachment when we are 'presented' with surprises like that, a great way to check in.  And moving forward, after you decide how you are going to use this to move forward, you can never go to that site again, just remove it from your life, or another school if thought is to keep going until you become desensitized to it.  How are you feeling about it now, have you washed it out?

[cosmonaut]

I'm sorry, AO.  I can imagine that must have been very emotional to see her so unexpectedly.  I think it's natural to be curious what might be going on with an ex, even if we end up regretting it.  Please try and not be hard on yourself for it.  Was there anything in particular that you found upsetting or was it just seeing information about her again at all?

Sorry this is such a blow right now.  I think we can all understand how much contact can affect us.  Hang in there, man.

[Turkish]

What do you think triggered your gag reflex, AO? Seeing her in general,.or that she is actively moving on?

[AwakenedOne]

That can be a good thing too Awakened; it's a great way for us to see how we're doing with our detachment when we are 'presented' with surprises like that, a great way to check in.  And moving forward, after you decide how you are going to use this to move forward, you can never go to that site again, just remove it from your life, or another school if thought is to keep going until you become desensitized to it.  How are you feeling about it now, have you washed it out?

Hi FHTH,

Ya, it's pretty much washed out now.

These tests of my current detachment state have been happening a lot lately.

Like this one->

At the grocery store I shop at I keep running into a woman that looks like my ex. It's so bizarre. This woman looks almost exactly like my ex. She could easily pass for her twin sister. What's the odds of this happening?

First time I saw her on an aisle at the store I instantly thought of course it was my ex. I had a two second debate with myself whether I should avoid the aisle to be away from her or not. I thought though... .who cares. I have a right to be there and she is nobody to me now and I am not walking one foot out of the way because of her at that moment. So I walk down the aisle to get something and I see that she looks a little bit different. Took me a while to even notice the difference. Maybe she had a tiny bit of plastic surgery?... .I thought. Very weird. No this is not her even though it looks almost exactly like her. Another thing is that this woman is pregnant. So she looks like my x wife would be if she was pregnant. My ex's demands for a baby immediately or else from me caused a lot of hell and arguments and maybe even doomed us. So it's even more weird seeing this.

I saw this woman there the last two times too. Three times in a row.

Another one ->

My BPD wife and I had a very special song at our wedding which carried much meaning to us. It was the key wedding song of the ceremony.

Yesterday at work a girl there was playing some music that she had downloaded on her I-phone. Sometimes we can listen to music at my work. She played music for hours. At the end of the day when one of her songs was playing she walked over to me and asked me if I liked that song. It was our wedding song! Pretty weird? Out of all the songs she played that day she asked me about that one just out of the blue. She doesn't know anything about my past. I just said "Ya, its ok" to get off the subject.

I have wondered if I am being tortured or something or if she has cast some sort of voodoo spell or instead if I am just being tested in a way by God in my best interest. I prefer to think it's God helping me in some way.

[fromheeltoheal]

I have wondered if I am being tortured or something or if she has cast some sort of voodoo spell or instead if I am just being tested in a way by God in my best interest. I prefer to think it's God helping me in some way.

Or another choice, you're detaching from a relationship that ended, you're not there yet, and accordingly you're extra sensitive to things that remind you of your ex.  Events like that are good for a couple of reasons: you get immediate feedback on how you're doing with emotional detachment, by how much they mean to you and how much they affect you emotionally, and the repeated exposure desensitizes you to them.  What if everything happens for a reason and it serves us?  You can wonder why these happenings are showing up in your life, or you can just accept they are and decide what you're going to make them mean and how you're going to use them moving forward, all part of taking our power back.  Take care of you!

[LimboFL]

Funny, I had one of those events happen just this week and didn't even put the two together until just now. I live in a condo, was sitting at my desk working, with my sliding glass bedroom door open. It was mid evening and there was a group of people out on their balcony clearly having a good time. All of a sudden, I hear a girl's laugh and it was just too close to my ex's, who has a very peculiar laugh. It wasn't exact, but close enough that I stopped working for a second. I let it go and she laughed again. On the third go, it was affecting me so much that I closed the sliding door.

Two days later, after 4 months NC, after never expecting to hear from my exBPDgf again I am on the phone with a client and another call comes in. I pulled the phone away and it's her number. No message left. In fact I wrote about it in a post last night but only thought about the girl laughing just now. Rest assured that my ex's laugh was unique, bordering on weird.

Clearly just a coincidence but nevertheless, odd.

[AwakenedOne]

Was there anything in particular that you found upsetting or was it just seeing information about her again at all?

What do you think triggered your gag reflex, AO? Seeing her in general,.or that she is actively moving on?

Thanks for posing those questions.

I think what made me sick and disgusted is:

-Seeing her fake smiling face

-Knowing her profile info is a fake joke

-Thinking back on wasted time with her and the physical injuries that she inflicted on me in which she has not shown remorse for.

-Also angry at myself for clicking on her full dating profile.

I should of stopped right when I saw the picture and the 2-3 line summary info that went with it. I thought by now she'd be pregnant with a Jo Schmo child or just being content with her weird love affair with her BFF mother.