The breakup conversation (transcribed)

[Gonzalo]

I love this. It's a perfect summary. I'd just add that if you get it all right, you're damned for being so "saintly" or trying to look good next to the pwBPD.

It is exhausting being with someone who acts like this and who has all of these needs.

I'm sure I could think of more, like you couldn't explain why you react. If you offer an explanation, that's being defensive. If you bring up an example of her bad behavior, you're making a big deal out of something that only happened once. If you say that it's a pattern, you're engaging in all or nothing catastrophic thinking. If you give multiple examples, then you're holding onto bad things to ambush her with.

I think the thing that really wore me out wasn't just the complex set of needs, but the sinking realization that there never was an answer. For the longest time I kept thinking if I could just figure it out then we could sort things out, and stayed in denial of the obvious fact that it's all a catch-22. The fact that I was able to keep myself in denial of simple reality for so long is one of the things I'm working on fixing now.

[poedameron]

Yes besides being BPD she is also probably some other things... .I mean she really was/is a nutcase... .but a high functioning one at that... .she is soo good at sucking people in at the start it is impossible to talk to them about the "real" her... .

... .right after this fight, her new "best friend" came over to our apartment and didn't even acknowledge me, hugged her for like 2 minutes straight asking if she was OK, etc... .and my exBPDgf is just playing the helpless child victim, just eating it up... .right in front of me.

I was half expecting her to look over and smile at me while she was doing it... .

And yeah, I also wonder how in the hell I put up with this for so long... .I know I thought I could fix it/her too... .and I thought if I could only figure out the thing that's causing her to do this... .but of course, that can't be fixed.  She's doomed and I feel sorry for her now.

[ogopogodude]

Meds don't typically work for BPD afflicted individuals. 

It is NOT like bipolar disorder, whereby certain meds do, in fact, work.   BPD and bipolar disorder certainly gets interchanged by the average person but I always clearly state that they are not even close to being the same. 

But this mental disorder really can only be handled by therapy / counselling on a regular basis and only if the BPD person commits to this, ... .otherwise, ... the chaos continues (and could even worsen).

One has to keep in mind that most of us here, ... even YOU reading this, ... .is an expert on BPD.  The majority of physicians and therapists do not know of the ramifications of BPD. They just don't.  WE LIVE IT EVERYday, ... .thus, ... this makes us experts.  We all have to dance around what we really want to say, ... .but we know we cannot due to creating a "flare-up" of our loved one, ... .etc.

This is why the book Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger has done so well.  The title says it all.  Doesn't it?