Perhaps another perspective and communication change is needed. Ponder the concept of "sins of omission vs commission". Maybe there's not much difference, but in my book there is. Mine were the "acting-in" sort trying to avoid conflict. My ex's were the "acting-out" sort, which to me felt worse.
With that in mind, I felt I'd do better (or less worse) by apologizing, not for the incident, but for her feeling bad. Did it work? Not much in the long run, the marriage still failed, but It helped me to pull back from apologizing for anything and everything to get past the incident.
Yes I really did try to see whether "apologizing for anything and everything" would work. It didn't. If anything it got worse. It got to the point that even when I apologized, she demanded I reword it to include what she wanted in it. A few times I purposely left out pieces of the reworded apologies and she kept on demanding I restate it over and over several times. She didn't even realize that I did it purposely, not due to poor memory of her long list. After several months I finally declared I'd apologize only for what I perceived appropriate.
Also, if I didn't phrase it that way - her feelings - I'd be like the guy in court who couldn't claim innocence after taking a plea deal which admits guilt. A court is unlikely to rule me guilty of hurting feelings, but might if I had confessed to doing something bad.