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 on: November 15, 2018, 09:22:06 AM  
Started by Harri - Last post by HappyChappy
Posting about Pete Walker on bpdfamily is an excellent idea.
Freespirit great idea I'd happly support that. Also like your expressive arts group - I love the blue rider expressionists.

I am ready to face the fear of CPTSD, just as soon as I put my brown pants on.**

**trousers if your from England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Souther Ireland, New Zealand or Australia.

 on: November 15, 2018, 09:17:15 AM  
Started by Beren2016 - Last post by Beren2016
hi all

this is a bit of a strange one so i apologies if its in the wrong place.

long story short...

My Girlfriend has for many years had a strong belief that she is going to die when she is 27 (next march). This has no medical basis and she has no serious physical medical problems right now (or ever).

This is an entirely emotional thing and she describes it as a "feeling" she has and that she "just knows it". As you can imagine when this come up it causes her a lot of distress, especially going forwards as her birthday approaches, and she talks about packing up her stuff and preparing. i am also worried about what will happen when it doesn't happen and the effect of the whole year of "waiting" will be for her.

my question is how do i validate this, or deal with this with empathy?

As you can imagine, I cant agree with her, as there is no reason she would die. i try to say that:-

 "i know that she feels this strongly and i will support her through what ever happens. But i cant believe it  myself because i don't have the same feeling she does or any reason to think that she would die".

This obviously ends up invalidating her belief and she becomes distressed that i don't believe her...

i am at a loss how to help her with this, she talks like its certainty and it isn't something i can ignore or talk away... i just need to be able to support her and help her with this

As always thank you greatly

 on: November 15, 2018, 09:07:58 AM  
Started by slowsteve - Last post by isilme
I am understanding Hart_Payne to be saying a close trusted friend who talks to both of you and might be able to share info that can help you determine what today's current reason is.  Or, communicate on your behalf, gently, using validation and all the tools they can muster.

Any insight into her mind that isn't coming to you already can help greatly.

 on: November 15, 2018, 09:07:39 AM  
Started by cClearly - Last post by cClearly

It definitely has as far as anxiety and my marriage.  My husband's mental health is much better, as well.  However, we both live in fear of what she will do next and wonder if she will eventually take it too far.  She could have easily when she removed her insulin pump.

At the same time, we don't want to be "those people" who mistreat someone who is truly sick or injured, but she has cried wolf so many times that she cannot be believed.

She has created and maintains a world of chaos to maintain control of everyone around her.  For the most part, we have escaped that, but at the same time, we have to anticipate the her next move constantly.

 on: November 15, 2018, 09:06:15 AM  
Started by Marie1971 - Last post by Marie1971
My husband wants a divorce.  He has been clear about this since April.  We have both struggled to let go of each other, and have spent romantic time together...I always hoping it is the beginning of the reconnect; he shutting down when it comes to talking about WHY we cannot reconnect.

He will text me he misses me, and that he will always love me.  I get sucked it.  I start to hope.  Only to have my scabs scratched off and start bleeding again when he says he is 100% sure he wants this divorce.

I want to believe he loves me and he is just confused.  But he doesn't seem confused.

Please, someone help me understand this.  It is excrutiating. 

 on: November 15, 2018, 08:59:15 AM  
Started by JoeDependent - Last post by Marie1971
JD -

I feel your pain and am experiencing something similar.

It is so difficult to understand.  I am beginning to and the book The Betrayal Bond is excellent with help sorting it all out.  You can get in as an audiobook, Kindle book, or regular book. 

I, too, would take my husband back.  But why?  He has been awful to me!  It is perplexing indeed, and now is the time we need to explore this and get a handle on it once and for all. 

I'm here for you.  We can get through this!

 on: November 15, 2018, 08:22:21 AM  
Started by Illeagle - Last post by Beneck
Hey man, welcome!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

It's good that you're here, I'm received tons of support and I'm sure that so will you.

For now, since she's blocked you, you cannot do much other that wait. Attempting to reach out to her will only force her to push you further away.

Can I ask you something? You said she had making out with people in parties? What's the context here? Where you guys together when that happened?

 on: November 15, 2018, 08:18:23 AM  
Started by Frankee - Last post by Dkandyk
Dead Frankie,
I followed your story back then and was relieved to finally see an update from you, I was wondering what happened after the shelter... if it’s ok with you, can you describe your ordeal and how did you come to the decision to come back? What measures did you put into place? How long has it been since you came back?

 on: November 15, 2018, 08:12:45 AM  
Started by lonely in co - Last post by BetterLanes
PS, lonely in co, and readers, for clarity of course I have no idea if you own that book or not! I should have made that a depersonalized example, but it's too late to edit. It's just an example of a book that, um, I am told a lot of people have read that is mainly about that sort of thing. I hope you didn't mind.

BetterLanes x

 on: November 15, 2018, 08:04:49 AM  
Started by marla - Last post by marla
whoops, didn't meant to post this twice  Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post)

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