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 on: September 27, 2020, 08:08:21 PM  
Started by runtex - Last post by Swimmy55
I am sorry you are going through this.  It is especially difficult when grands are involved. You are doing the right thing and use this time to get yourself some more support. In addition to reading this forum, you can click on anyone's name here and get their previous posts/back story.  Some of us also have our own therapy, and / of go to 12 step meetings for families ( alanon for example).  They are free and some are online. 
Here is a post re: others in similar circumstances:https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329170.0
 Not the same, but I am currently estranged from my adult BPD son and it is very difficult to say the least. 

Has your daughter been diagnosed with BPD? Do you have family/ friend support?

 on: September 27, 2020, 07:58:57 PM  
Started by dothas3 - Last post by Swimmy55
Is she still in therapy and can he/she provide recommendations?
Here is some info on residential that you could read through.  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=309282.msg12866010
I am not sure what state you live in but you could help her apply for disability and  medical assistance and go that route.  If she is amenable.  I tried / begged my adult son to let me advocate for him to help him go through this route and he flatly refused. 
Keep us posted.

 on: September 27, 2020, 07:52:18 PM  
Started by shorebird - Last post by Swimmy55
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.  One positive is that she is not physically living in the same house as you .  Does she live close by? There are others here who could probably speak on the grandkid situation better than I could .  Is there anyone in the family your daughter gets along with?

I am not sure how close you are to your daughter's kids or what their ages are.. here is a link with another grandparent in a similar situation where she is afraid for her grandkid's safety.  I am not sure if this is similar to your situation and maybe you are not at the point of having to contact child services, just something for you to read through and consider / keep in your back pocket. 

It is definitely terrifying when a BPD adult child dysregulates to the point that you are afraid. Please keep writing back  and keep us posted.

 on: September 27, 2020, 07:29:16 PM  
Started by TiredMudder - Last post by Swimmy55
Not sure if this will help but one of our members compiled a list for residential therapeutic center considerations

 on: September 27, 2020, 07:27:25 PM  
Started by Agshoe - Last post by legalboxers
@Rev - knowing me, being the true New Yorker..and true to my name (in my field) I didnt back down. I know it wasnt me since you need to be part of the state and town to file such a complaint. Again, she had no facts and came with the answer "since I follow the fire, police and Mayor" it has me written all over it.  I did nothing wrong, Im standing by what Im saying. I had people message me only when I was with her. She denied nothing was going on but within 10 hours later, she goes to some other guy? She also said she wanted no memories of me, but she has  two t-shirt which wears, which I bought her, and bras which I bought her, and still has my comments on her page and me in a relationship with her on her page. Too many inconsistencies. I changed my number just so I can have a piece of mind. Shes blocked on my facebook, only way to contact me is through email, which I doubt will happen.

 on: September 27, 2020, 06:35:08 PM  
Started by Agshoe - Last post by Rev
@Rev @Once Removed @Agshoe So this person calls me the other day, claiming how I called code enforcement on them, when I didnt, stating she "asked her friends with the fire dept" who claimed it was me. She went on for hours on how I was lying to her, when I did not. She stated her man said "talk to my mom".  Why would he even say this to her ? I dont know what is going on there.

So that's major baiting.... not sure what else to say in the absence of a direct question.

But yeah ... baiting... put no stock in this, nor should you try to make sense of it.


 on: September 27, 2020, 06:33:13 PM  
Started by WTL - Last post by WTL
Bump. Important topic.

 on: September 27, 2020, 06:22:07 PM  
Started by Chaosnomore19 - Last post by WTL
This is a very deep situation for you. How do you trust yourself? I wish that you could answer that for me. Lol.

How are you being hard on yourself? We gotta talk about this and get it the hell out of your way. There is too much life in front of you.

 on: September 27, 2020, 06:16:19 PM  
Started by dindin - Last post by FindingMe2011
You know what, I thought about this really hard for some time, and I really came to the conclusion that at least for me there is no reason to stay in contact with an ex or someone you once dated.

Maybe this holds true for now. What if in the future you had a romantic r/s that was amicable, or at the worst, filled with little conflict? This has happened to me on occasion.

. I understand the nuance that there might be kids involved, work related interaction, etc., but ultimately, at least for myself, it is in accordance with my values to not have that contact and to feel uncomfortable if my partner does.

Guess Im not much for nuance.....I had 2 children with BPD trait ex wife. Soon after separation I asked for no contact. With the only need for emails regarding childrens health. My children had no illnesses. We havent spoke in a long time.............I also exit stage left, just after i ask this type of question of a potential partner. This kind of thing can be discovered very early, sometime in the first conversation.

Can you expand on that? I found out that a lot of what I was doing was to get rid of trauma-based shame. At least when I try to get that under control, I'm really not motivated as much to do the work, because shame is tackled on head on, so there's no point in trying to "be better"

For me it was loneliness, shame, guilt, and to prove to the world I was good enough ( or maybe just good). I had a chip. It also gave me the never say die attitude. Something thats helped me. Im wondering how youre getting it under control? So youre not motivated to do the work and get shame under control because you are dealing with it? So whats the point?. Avoidance maybe?. Why should one feel shame? Its dysfunctional from the onset, no?............I never really looked at it as getting it under control ( you are hard headed ), seems to create more conflict. Spent alot of time seeking where it came from. Then repeatedly correcting myself until it subsided, as where it came from was false.

For example, in my last breakup I hit the gym like a madman because I wanted to feel better about myself, and that feel better wasn't that usual feeling of wanting to improve or have positive chemicals in the brain, it was shame-based: I need to show them. But now I don't have that. Is that what you mean?

Thats exactly what you were getting from working out. Using anger to release Endorphins the natural way, to feel better. Its actually the same feeling opioid drugs give the brain to an addict........................Understanding how fear based my life was, put me on a path. I erased much of the fear not realizing how much I used fear to motivate myself. It took a while for my conscious to teach my subconscious. They never truly understood each other, until recently. They both had alot to teach the other. I wish you well Peace

 on: September 27, 2020, 06:02:18 PM  
Started by Sash234 - Last post by Sash234
Hi! My sibling has been on the most severe rage she's ever had for the past 6 days. After threatening to go for a.drive and kill herself, she sent pictures of her.arm with two knifes and a bottle.of pills. We called the mental health division of the police department to do a welfare check. They took her in handcuffs to.the hospital, then she was released in the middle of the night. As soon as she got her phone back, we've been the victims of her rath for 6 straight days. She's been yelling and throwing a tantrum nonstop (she's 49 years old). She's called us every name in the book, made terrorist-like demands, made endless threats and death wishes on all of us, and used language so repulsive we could never repeat it. My mom and I can't bear to answer her abusive calls or texts. My dad continues.to listen to it daily, despite us telling him to stop. Getting her committed is too frightening right now. She's scaring all of us to the point that I'm scared to go out of my house. We are at a loss. We feel completely helpless. My dad has told her she needs.to get help and that he will pay for it and get her the help. She yells and screams back that she doesn't need any help.

Please....if anyone has any advice, we would be so grateful!

Thank you!!

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