The thinking doesn't make sense. It's disordered thinking. Trying to rationalize with someone who is thinking like this ends up in circular arguments.

It's also projection- someone or something else is the "reason" for the issues and someone or something else must be the solution.

A main component of boundaries is knowing who you are- what is you, what isn't you. If someone has a poor sense of self, poor boundaries, they may be more influenced by ideas and identities but not realize the actual reality of it.

I don't think what your wife is seeking is just about having an urge. By going on the website, she shows up as a new person, with a new persona. No baggage or issues with anyone. She can then interact with people who are interested in her as this new person. It's seeking affirmation, positive attention. She can be an "open marriage" person in this new world.

Not with you. You know her better. She can't pretend to be someone else with you. I watched my BPD mother do this.  There were a few times I'd be with her and her set of friends and think "who is this person" she seemed so different.

Somehow this met an emotional need for her. While at first, it feels envious that someone else got this "great" persona, I realized it wasn't real.

What you see with your wife, is the real one, not the persona, and as hard as it is, it's the real relationship, the good, the difficult.

Adderall (ADHD), Adderall tablets available in Spain,Australia,Sweden,Monaco,Italy, Peru,USA,UK,Germany,Asia,Europe,Philippines,Canada,California,Greece,Portugal, Kuwait, Kuwait City. ? WhatsApp (+27 69 216 7586)Diazepam tablets 10mg,Ritalin 10mg Website: https://successfatima0.wixsite.com/my-site-1  Adderall and Mydyis, Ritalin in Dubai Business Bay, Motor City Dubai Adderall and Mydyis Dubai Adderall and Mydyis in Dubai,Adderall and Mydyis in Dubai , Adderall and Mydyis In Dubai , RAdderall and Mydyis In Dubai, Bur Dubai Adderall and Mydyis, Deira, Al Mankhool Adderall and Mydyis, Marina Adderall and Mydyis Palm Jumeirah Adderall and Mydyis, Al barsha Adderall and Mydyis, Jebel Ali Adderall and Mydyis, Al Satwa Adderall and Mydyis, Sports City Adderall and Mydyis, Business Bay Adderall and Mydyis, Al Rigga Adderall and Mydyis, Downtown Dubai Adderall and Mydyis, Dxb Adderall and Mydyis, Discovery Gardens Burj View ➡Airport ➡Free Zone ➡Emirates Towers ➡Academic City ➡Festival City ➡IBN Battuta ➡Jumeirah Dubai ➡Dubai Land ➡International City Dubai ➡Jebel Ali Dubai ➡Al Barsha Dubai ➡Discovery Gardens Dubai ➡Downtown Dubai ➡Marina Dubai ➡Silicon Oasis ➡Silicon Dubai ➡Sports City ➡Burj Al Arab Dubai ➡Burj Khalifa Tower ➡Business Bacy ➡Motor City ➡JLT Dubai ➡Jumeirah Beach Residence ➡Khor Fakkan Dubai ➡Falcon City Dubai ➡The Palm Jebel ➡Jumeirah Lake Tower ➡Sheikh Zayed Road ➡Jumeirah Heights ➡Deira Dubai ➡Al Karama Dubai ➡JBR Dubai ➡Al Rashidiya Dubai ➡Al Jaddaf Dubai ➡DIFC Dubai ➡Downtown. How should I take Adderall? Take Adderall exactly as prescribed by your doctor. Follow all directions on your prescription label. Your doctor may occasionally change your dose. Do not take this medicine in larger or smaller amounts or for longer than recommended. Adderall may be habit-forming. Never share this medicine with another person, especially someone with a history of drug abuse or addiction. Keep the medication in a place where others cannot get to it. Selling or giving away this medicine is against the law. Read all patient information, medication guides, and instruction sheets provided to you. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you have any questions. You may take Adderall with or without food, first thing in the morning. Do not crush, chew, break, or open an extended-release capsule. Swallow it whole. To make swallowing easier, you may open the capsule and sprinkle the medicine into a spoonful of applesauce. Swallow right away without chewing. Do not save the mixture for later use. While using this medicine, your doctor will need to check your progress at regular visits. Tell any doctor who treats you that you are using this medicine. Adderall can cause unusual results with certain medical tests. Tell any doctor who treats you that you are using this medicine. Store at room temperature away from moisture, heat, and light. Keep track of your medicine. Adderall is a drug of abuse and you should be aware if anyone is using your medicine improperly or without a prescription. Adderall patient tips (more detail) Dosing information Usual Adult Dose of Adderall for Attention Deficit Disorder: IR: -Initial Dose: 5 mg orally 1 or 2 times a day -Maintenance Dose: Daily dose may be raised in 5 mg increments at weekly intervals until optimal response is obtained. -Maximum Dose: Only in rare cases will it be necessary to exceed 40 mg per day. XR: Patients starting treatment for the first time or switching from another medication: -Initial Dose: 20 mg orally once a day Comments: -IR: The first dose should be given upon awakening; 1 to 2 additional doses should be given at intervals of 4 to 6 hours. -Where possible, drug administration should be interrupted occasionally to determine if continued therapy is required. Use: As part of a total treatment program for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Usual Adult Dose of Adderall for Narcolepsy: IR: -Initial Dose: 10 mg orally per day in divided doses -Maintenance Dose: Daily dose may be raised in 10 mg increments at weekly intervals until optimal response is obtained. Comments: -The first dose should be given on awakening; 1 to 2 additional doses should be given at intervals of 4 to 6 hours. -The usual dose is 5 to 60 mg per day in divided doses, depending on the individual patient response. -Dosage should be reduced if bothersome adverse reactions (e.g., insomnia, anorexia) appear. Use: Narcolepsy treatment Usual Pediatric Dose of Adderall for Attention Deficit Disorder: IR: Age 3 to 5 Years: -Initial Dose: 2.5 mg orally per day -Maintenance Dose: Daily dose may be raised in 2.5 mg increments at weekly intervals until optimal response is obtained. Age 6 to 17 Years: -Initial Dose: 5 mg orally 1 or 2 times a day -Maintenance Dose: Daily dose may be raised in 5 mg increments at weekly intervals until optimal response is obtained. -Maximum Dose: Only in rare cases will it be necessary to exceed 40 mg per day. XR: Age 6 to 12 Years (starting treatment for the first time or switching from another medication): -Initial Dose: 5 or 10 mg orally once a day in the morning -Maintenance Dose: Daily dose may be raised in 5 to 10 mg increments at weekly intervals. -Maximum Dose: 30 mg/day Age 13 to 17 Years (starting treatment for the first time or switching from another medication): -Initial Dose: 10 mg orally once a day -Maintenance Dose: Daily dose may be increased to 20 mg/day after one week if symptoms are not adequately controlled. -Maximum Dose: 30 mg/day Comments: -IR: The first dose should be given on awakening; 1 to 2 additional doses should be given at intervals of 4 to 6 hours. -Where possible, drug administration should be interrupted occasionally to determine if continued therapy is required WhatsApp: +27692167586)Adderall

Thanks for the replies, it helps to feel validated and not alone.  We're not married, I own the property , we share a dog (though he's still not paid half her purchase price after 5 years so I guess I own her)

The assessments I mention have followed his requesting his GP for a referral - as far as he's telling me they have been regular meetings to look for a variety of mood/personality disorders but when I push further I get told its none of my business....

It's come to a head this last week after a week away with a group of friends which he felt went well but I felt like I was walking on eggshells around his constant changing moods (only directed at me really) the minute drinks were late to be bought out or we were waiting for something longer than he liked he'd be snappy and accusatory of me and it generally felt he didn't like me very much.  On Sunday after an argument over what we were having for dinner (apparently I wouldnt tell him what I wanted in order to orchestrate an argument - in reality I told him a dozen times 2 different options I was happy to go with) he escalated by raising his voice (I have 2 kids from a previous relationship 13 and 15 and I hate him shouting and swearing when they're there)  At one point I took a phone call and he came over and got in my face (I was holding a lit cigarette) and knocked it out of my hand - he accused me of trying to put a cigarette out on him.....he hates my friendship group and frequently makes snide remarks about me going to "my club" to "get my head patted" and that we sit around "being smug and congratulating ourselves about how I'm so abused"  -  the reality is I try NOT to talk about him or moan about him if at all because I don't want to cast a bad opinion , or a worse opinion (he's had melt downs at our local pub , one time kicking as smashing a portable speaker I have down the road in front of people)

I said he needed to leave and I've had a barrage of abusive texts since , littered with emojis (rats and clowns to depict me being his favourites).  I've said I'm not responding to abusive messages, I need space and I will converse about practical matters only.

He still has a lot of belongings in my house and has been coming over each morning after I've left for work to take the dog to work with him.

I said my kids don't need to put up with his insanity- he's said I'm portraying the children as terrified of him - they're not they're just sick of his tantrums (and view them as him acting like a child)

so now we're apart- coincidentally happened on pay day (another trigger for him when I ask for his contribution towards bills there is often a big argument caused so he can avoid paying - or drip feed me whilst he wastes all hi money on gambling drinking and takeaways.

Sorry I've totally rambled

We are of course here in remote peer support.  Thus our insight into the specifics of your relationship are limited.  Even if he is going to assessment sessions, neither we nor you know what he is telling them.  It's even possible he is telling them that you're his problem.  That's called Denial, Blaming and Blame Shifting, all common patterns in BPD traits.

You've been with him for 8 years and yet this negativity and verbal abuse continues.  While his now meeting with professionals to assess him may lead toward him a measure of recovery, awareness of his abuse and correcting his poor behavior, that is certainly no guarantee your hopes will be realized.

Why hasn't he responded to your efforts?  BPD is an emotional dysregulation disorder that is most evident and most triggered by and with close relationships.  What this means is that his lack of improvement over the years is not surprising.  Many people with BPD traits (pwBPD) can't or won't get past the emotional baggage of the relationship to truly listen and respond positively.

Maybe he will respond to the professional - not emotional - approach of the therapists.  Frankly, even that is a huge maybe.  Likely this has been him for a lifetime and many pwBPD are "set in their ways".  You will have to be the one to decide whether and when to cut him lose.  (That's a fishing analogy.  As in, you can toss the problem fish back and choose healthier fish in the sea.)  We are here for you whichever path you choose.

Even if you're not married, this Divorcing board can also assist you with the practical and legal issues of separating, if that is what you decide.  Of course, we are not lawyers or solicitors.

Do you share children?  That can make separation more complicated but separation can still be a practical solution.  Meanwhile, continue reading, learning, posting and asking questions.  We have a wealth of hard-won ideas, skills and solutions.  Take advantage of our collective wisdom and experience.

AngelofItaly how are things going?  Is your daughter still going NC with you?  I hope you are hanging in there.  It can feel torturous at times.  My daughter just went NC with me yesterday and the day before she told my husband she was pregnant.  She doesn't live with us and is married and has her own home so I am grateful she has stability in her life and we are not living with the drama day to day but her behaviour has been so hurtful especially towards me.  I think she intentionally only told her dad the news to hurt me.  All I can say is I decided I needed to set a firm boundary and she didn't like it and has been trying to get me to pay the price for her pain as a result of my boundary and because I am not giving her what she wants in the way she wants to hear it she has chosen to cut me off.  I am grateful i have my husbands support and we are trying to learn about BPD but Ihave had such a stressful two months dealing with my husbands health issues and my own I need the break from her.  Based on other peoples experiences on here I suspect she will try and text me wtih more of her blaming and hurtful texts.  I have blocked her on my cell because reading the texts are so hard on me I start to get heart palpitations every time. i have to take care of my health.  I am giving this over to God.

Adding my two cents -- a teen can range from 13 to 19 years old. Our responsibilities as parents will look very different for the 13 year old vs the 19 year old. While each kid is different, I wouldn't suggest waiting for the 13 year old to "feel ready" for or express buy-in to a program, but I might suggest that for an 18-19 year old.

Everyone is making great suggestions across the range of ages. It may help to know your child's age so we can know whether to lean more towards "IOP/home/family treatment" vs "make your kid go to residential" vs "let your child take the lead". All have their times and places, it can depend a lot on age.

We can't make unwilling adults (even young adult children) do anything, but we may be called upon as parents to make unwilling young children do things. Sigh... Neither option is easy, I know!

...

I believe 3East and McLean are very well regarded, have a clinical foundation, and would not at all be considered "abusive wilderness program" or a "cash grab".

Have you already called or consulted with them? I wonder if they could do some kind of pre-admission / over the phone assessment with you, or could refer you to other reputable programs that would be a better fit for your child and family, if they aren't the right fit.