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April 10, 2026, 09:54:15 PM
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Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex |
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting / Re: Forging ahead
on: April 10, 2026, 08:22:03 PM
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| Started by Pinkcamellias - Last post by Pinkcamellias | ||
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Thank you for the kind words . Tonight I discovered he’s having an affair. I don’t know how to describe how this makes me feel. Relief? …that it all makes sense now. …the People closest to me always said he was projecting onto me and I always defended the idea that it was a mental health issue and not actual infidelity. The vail has been lifted. No more wondering what I did to deserve this . I thank God for Thank you for the kind words . Tonight I discovered he’s having and affair. I don’t know how to describe how this makes me feel. Relief? …that it all makes sense now. …the People closest to me always said he was projecting onto me and I always defended the idea that it was a mental health issue and not actual infidelity. The vail has been lifted. No more wondering what I did to deserve this . I thank God for my kids and I’m honored to be entrusted with another bundle of joy. I was scared to file for divorce because the process is …traumatic but I need to close this chapter of my life and get us on a parenting plan . kids and I’m honored to be entrusted with another bundle of joy. I was scared to file for divorce because the process is …traumatic but I need to close this chapter of my life and get us on a parenting plan .
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Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD / sad that I can never trust her . . .
on: April 10, 2026, 04:42:44 PM
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| Started by Orphan - Last post by Orphan | ||
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My relationship is very limited with my elderly mother. I can't trust her. I have to limit everything that I say to her, because she will twist it and then spread untrue gossip to other people. I have forgiven her for the abusive way that she raised me. I am thankful for a support group. When people initially meet her, they think that she is nice. They just don't know her well enough. She has struggled with all of her friendships, co-workers, relatives. I used to think that she was just cruel. I think that she doesn't even realize how she treats other people. I pray for her. I know that she didn't choose to be this way. It's just sad for everyone involved. For my own sanity, I maintain as little contact as possible.
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Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD / Re: setting boundaries question
on: April 10, 2026, 02:22:08 PM
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| Started by wantmorepeace - Last post by CC43 | ||
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I agree with Zachira's take, keep it short and sweet if you can. The pwBPD and BPD traits in my life will listen to maybe 10 words, tops, in any instances of conflict.
Options might be: *I'm not getting in the middle. *I'm not talking about this behind her back. *That's between you and her. *It's really none of my business. *I'm sure you can work this out yourselves. |
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Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD / Re: setting boundaries question
on: April 10, 2026, 01:25:38 PM
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| Started by wantmorepeace - Last post by zachira | ||
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Think about how effective advertisers are when they use a slogan. People remember easily short sentences that they hear over and over again. With your sibling, trying to explain how you feel at any length will only give her the supply she is looking for, making you upset so she does not have to deal with her overwhelming feelings. So you can say something like: I am done talking to you for now.
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Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD / setting boundaries question
on: April 10, 2026, 01:18:44 PM
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| Started by wantmorepeace - Last post by wantmorepeace | ||
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Any opinions re language when setting boundaries? Is it better to say "can't," "won't," or "don't want to"?
Or is it better to avoid that negative language all together? The situation is telling my bpd sibling clearly that I won't talk to them about their conflict with my daughter. |
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Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD / Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD / no contact question
on: April 10, 2026, 01:09:03 PM
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| Started by wantmorepeace - Last post by wantmorepeace | ||
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Has anybody ever initiated an intentionally temporary period of NC with a ubpd sibling or other family member and had it be good for the relationship when they reconnected? A friend did this with their sibling and has been encouraging me to do the same, but their sibling does not have bpd....
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7
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup / Re: How to negotiate without triggering them?
on: April 10, 2026, 12:18:03 PM
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| Started by SuperDaddy - Last post by Randi Kreger | ||
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It would be wonderful if we could find a way to not trigger someone with BPD. The problem is that they can be triggered by whatever is going on in their heads that may have no basis in actual fact. I am hearing that you are trying logical discussions with your loved one. Logic doesn’t work with people with BPD. They are emotion based and they make decisions based on emotions. Most people have thoughts that lead to feelings which lead to action. For example, a man walks past his boss, and the boss doesn’t look at him, acknowledge him, or say anything. The man takes it personally and feels terrible about it and his thoughts are he doesn’t like me. I should probably look for a new job and then perhaps he goes and look for a new job. But the boss was thinking about what he was having for dinner and was just caught up in his thoughts the way we interpret events has to do with us, our self-esteem, our prejudice, our likes and dislikes, etc. Her BPD leads her to think the worst of everything and that affects you. People with BPD have feelings first which lead to action and the thoughts. They have a hard time pushing through the pulsating amygdala, a part of the brain,which makes them so emotional. It sounds like the kind of fights that you’re having are fake fights in a way which means you’re not fighting about the issue youthink you’re fighting about but something much deeper. I would advise getting in deeper and together figuring out what is beneath her behavior. What is she feeling? What does she afraid of? What does she really need and want? And what about YOUR needs and wants You WOULD BE WELL ADVISED TO GET answers to those questions before you can decide what to do. If you do decide to leave, understand that that is a perfectly valid thing to do when you have a partner husband or significant other who doesn’t meet your needs and who makes you unhappy. That happens in every relationship. You never signed up to take care of a person with a disability so don’t berate yourself if the relationship doesn’t work. I wish the best for you and hope that the situation revolves in a way that leaves you satisfied. You’ve signed up for a hard job. It’s not impossible, but you really have to look at the rest of the relationship and how much you like it and what it’s worth to be in it when the bad times come. Randi |
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup / Re: How to negotiate without triggering them?
on: April 10, 2026, 12:12:38 PM
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| Started by SuperDaddy - Last post by Randi Kreger | ||
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It would be wonderful if we could find a way to not trigger someone with BPD. The problem is that they can be triggered by whatever is going on in their heads that may have no basis in actual fact.
I am hearing that you are trying logical discussions with your loved one. Logic doesn’t work with people with BPD. They are emotion based and they make decisions based on emotions. Most people have thoughts that lead to feelings which lead to action. For example, a man walks past his boss, and the boss doesn’t look at him, acknowledge him or say anything. The man takes it personally and feels terrible about it and his thoughts are he doesn’t like me. I should probably look for a new job and then perhaps he goes and look for a new job. But the boss was thinking about what he was having for dinner and was just caught up in his thoughts the way we interpret events has to do with us, our self-esteem, our prejudice, our likes and dislikes, etc. Her BPD leads her to think the worst of everything. that affects you. People with BPD have feelings first which lead to action and the thoughts. They have a hard time pushing through the pulsating amygdala, which makes them so emotional. It sounds like the kind of fights that you’re having are fake fights in a way which means you’re not fighting about the issue. You think you’re fighting about but something much deeper. I would advise getting in deeper and together figuring out what is beneath her behavior. What is she feeling? If you do decide to leave, understand that that is a perfectly valid thing to do when you have a partner husband or significant other who doesn’t meet your needs and who makes you unhappy. That happens in every relationship. You never signed up to take care of a person with a disability so don’t berate yourself if the relationship doesn’t work. I wish the best for you and hope that the situation revolves in a way that leaves you satisfied. You’ve signed up for a hard job. It’s not impossible, but you really have to look at the rest of the relationship and how much you like it and what it’s worth to be in it when the bad times come. Randi |
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting / Re: Any advice would help
on: April 10, 2026, 12:01:15 PM
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| Started by CG4ME - Last post by At Bay | ||
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Taking plenty of time to carry out your plan for a better environment for everyone is so smart. You don't have to talk to him about anything and he can't read your mind. Being too tired to talk is a real thing, and you are under a lot of pressure from him that is hard to ignore, I know.
In my state, only the interest earned on inheritance funds is community property, so 50% of the interest might be his in your state. I also learned that social security income in not community property. I keep mine in a checking account and our son is beneficiary. My dbpdh put his in CD's, with our son as beneficiary, but it earns interest as does an annuity as you know. As stated so well above, your lawyer will be familiar with how best to reveal your decision to separate. You don't have to do it yourself in person and risk an ugly scene. You can be safe now. |
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) / Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup / Re: My BPD girlfriend who is also extremely jealous
on: April 10, 2026, 11:53:09 AM
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| Started by confused2026 - Last post by Randi Kreger | ||
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Hi, my name is Randi Kreger and I wrote the book stop walking on eggshells for partners.
That jealousy is baked in with BPD. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but this jealousy is not going to go away, especially if you keep on reassuring her. You know it doesn’t work. That’s not a reflection on you. That’s a reflection of the disorder. I’m sure you know this, but people with BPD are desperately afraid of being abandoned, and I have heard of the person with BPD who is prone to jealousy who ordered her husband not to answer the phone at work because there might be a woman on the phone. He was not permitted to go out for any lunches with women, even if it was a group from work. I DON’T KNOW WHY WHEN I WRITE. THIS IS WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS BUT I CAN’T STOP IT SO I’LL JUST FINISH UP. I HAVE NOT KNOWN BPD BEHAVIOR TO CHANGE WITHOUT THERAPY. THAT PROBABLY INCLUDES INTENSEJEALOUSY. I’M PULLING FOR YOU. BEST OF LUCK WITH THE RELATIONSHIP. |
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