Hi maxsterling ,
Firstly, please check those quotes from
this study (full PDF version):
- "BPD-associated symptoms, such as substance abuse, anorexia, self-injury, depersonalization, and
sexual overstimulation, can be treated successfully with opioid receptor antagonists."
- "
Frequent and risky sexual contacts and attention-seeking behavior can be explained by efforts to make use of the rewarding effects of human attachment mediated by the EOS, which are also the reason why patients show frantic efforts to avoid abandonment."
In my opinion, all of that is part of a hypersexual behavior that targets stimulating her EOS. It's the same for my wife.
My wife has never been bisexual or anything like that. However, in the beginning of our relationship I noticed she was watching porn videos every day and lying about it. Then I noticed some of the titles indicated they were lesbian videos, but not all. I questioned her about that behavior and asked if she was not satisfied sexually in our relationship. She was having multiple orgasms with me, so I was intrigued. Shortly after, she stopped watching the videos.
Recently, years later, I have noticed she is doing this again, but now she watches only lesbian videos. My conclusion is that she feels like watching lesbian videos is a way of fulfilling her hypersexual stimulation without having to deal with the guilt of doing something unfaithful. Because she knows that her watching lesbian videos does not make me feel uncomfortable and that I would even be ok if she had an actual lesbian relationship. But that's me.
Secondly, I'd suggest you read the "Sex at Dawn" book. It explains how humans were primarily non-monogamous before the advent of agriculture. This has helped me to understand what jealousy is, allowing me to take full control over those feelings.
Soon after reading this book, I had an open relationship, and it was great, but both of us were more in the exploration zone rather than trying to build a family. An open marriage (polyamory) is much more serious and requires complete honesty from both parties and also requires both to have "nerves of steel" (well, at least for the partner who is being "supplanted" by someone else).
Conclusion:
Have you ever asked her why she is seeking a female partner instead of a male partner? Have you asked her what she would think if you also had a secondary partner?
Personally, I'd think that having a lesbian affair instead of a heterosexual affair is, from her perspective, a midterm solution to have her EOS stimulated without overly insulting you. From my interpretation of that study, I believe an opioid receptor antagonist medication could possibly put an end to her need to follow this path. And I would think that this is more likely to happen if specialized therapy is done along with the medication.