Earlier this week, S12 and I had our visit to the educational therapist.  He did really well while being examined.  I waited outside, but could hear a good bit through the door, and he was so good with her and her with him.  He went through about two hours of testing.  Still, I would say that she seemed a bit exhausted afterward.   

The testing confirmed serious problems with different aspects of his reading.  His comprehension was very good, but memory was exceptionally poor (0.1 percentile) and other aspects places him at 2 - 3 years / grades (depending on each test's system) behind where he should be.  He scores really high on things that are visual.  She is easing into retirement and wasn't taking on new work, but she said she has agreed to take him because she finds his case to be unusually interesting.

I was impressed with her handling of the whole thing.  She is suggesting a music therapy option and sent us home with materials to start.  It's new to me, but she says she has helped a lot of children by going this route and showed me records she kept reflecting that.  She was very specific about what options she picked.  S12 is not wild about it.  He has to listen for 30 minutes each morning, but he hasn't resisted and has been obedient with it.  The idea is that it reorders your brain to help with concentration and then once that starts to happen you can build out in other directions.

It was an interesting day.  We were there about five hours all total.  That was good because she got to see a lot of him in different situations.  Toward the end he was going out of his mind, bored to the point that he couldn't just sit and sketch in his notebook like he will sometimes do.

Because having taught my kids to read is uBPDw's big "thing" with homeschooling, and the test were principally reading-based, I knew reviewing the results with her wouldn't go well.  She did not meltdown and rage as I would have expected in the recent past, but she was not happy about it.  Dismissive of what was done, etc.  I just kept telling her that there's an obvious problem and the test results support the observation of those problems and it's not something that I will allow to persist.  Despite the face she put on, there is no telling what's going on in the background.

The ET wants to meet her and I'm thinking about allowing it.  I think she wants to see how uBPDw factors into this whole thing.  I'm thinking it's best to send her out there without me.  I've had enough time with the ET now and we really hit it off well.  If uBPDw goes out there all on her own, maybe she'll drop whatever act she puts on with me present and the ET can deal with the real her.  Who knows.  My being there would create a triangle, right?  My absence would prevent her from blaming anything that happens in the moment on me.  The ET said she has one more test she can give him (not essential) and I'm thinking of sending her out there with S12 and letting it rip.  I think it's more for the ET to learn about her than it is to learn more about him. 

   

I'm fairly sure the ET will be watching for your son's subtle behavioral changes with her as compared to when you were there.

I have posted of the reversing board for all of my time on this forum, but this feels like a post more suited for here. Because I do want to detach, I want to stop obsessing and ruminating, specifically about the following concerning my ex with BPD.

- when the last cycle ended, and he told me he was seeing someone exclusively and wasn’t interested in me,, why did he tell me several times that she looks/reminds him of me?
- why did he start texting me again a few weeks later in such a distant way? In past cycles, he called to reinitiate contact (acting like nothing happened/he was into me again). Why did he even start texting me again when he said he wouldn’t/is involved with someone else and I clearly have feelings for him?
- Even if he is texting me which I guess makes me happy, is he just checking if he still “has” me? Is my only move to be distant and aloof? How long can that even last for?

If anyone has any thoughts/answers, that would be super appreciated because I’m tired of being in my own head. Yes I am trying my best to plow ahead in life, but it feels like these sticky points keep me tethered to the past.

Sadly, being nice and polite will just incite - or enable - her to make more allegations.

Have you filed for divorce yet?  As part of the filing, ask for all communications with her to go through your lawyer, no exceptions.  And absolutely no private meets.

Any way you look at it, any contact whatsoever puts you at some level of risk.

You do remember the torture she put you through in the last go-round, right?  And already there are more false perceptions ready to send you mentally and emotionally through the wringer once again.

JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) won't work, not when she has two claims for every one you try to deny.  Get some distance.