How to get out when the BPD is aggresive and uncooperative

[sansa]

I am married to a borderline... .  asked for a reasonable divorce.  She was "unreasonable" to say the least.  Threats, abusive, irrational.  We own a home together, we have joint accounts, I feel like I will lose everything.  I worry if I leave, she will burn the house, take an overdose, tell my children all sorts of lies.

I feel like I have to disappear.  Just take what i can and disappear.

[Forward2free]

Have you got any evidence so that you can go to the courts for a protection order?

My BPD/Nxh acted out (the worst I had experienced) when I filed the divorce papers, 2 after he'd left me and the kids, had multiple affairs, and used our home as a revolving door to comeback when he pleased. I had death threats to me and my kids and family more than 500 times in 10 years. I, like you, thought there would never be a time when he wasn't following me and looking for ways to hunt me down.

I came home to a house and goods that needed A$70,000+ worth of repairs after he'd completely destroyed everything. He was lying on the floor in the kitchen next to an overturned fridge/freezer, broken glass, upended furniture and in a pool of red wine (looked like blood) and he had a knife a few inches from him. I ran and called the police, he got up and jumped the back fence, was arrested and put into a psyche ward where he attempted to commit suicide 3 times. I know without a doubt, that he would have killed me that day, but I sensed there was something wrong and had my dad with me. Praise God for listening to my inner voice that day.

Now, 3 years on, he rents a new 4 bedroom house with his live in girlfriend (20 years younger than him), holds down a full time job as a car salesman, is the front man of a successful band and if you didn't know the truth... .  

He attacked the girlfriend after me, but still managed to find another girlfriend after that. They like vulnerable, forgiving, nice people thatt forgive them. Set firm boundaries for no contact and stand by them.

Protect yourself, get an order, get everything organised, money, safe place to go, friends to support you, lawyer ready to serve, etc. The more you plan now, the better protected you'll be. In my experience, he eventually ran out of steam against me and found someone new to argue with. He still tries to engage me through my lawyers and theirs ongoing custody issues, but kids are the only thing we communicate about now.

[livednlearned]

I am married to a borderline... .  asked for a reasonable divorce.  She was "unreasonable" to say the least.  Threats, abusive, irrational.  We own a home together, we have joint accounts, I feel like I will lose everything.  I worry if I leave, she will burn the house, take an overdose, tell my children all sorts of lies.

I feel like I have to disappear.  Just take what i can and disappear.

Who is to say that she won't burn the house, take an overdose, and lie to your kids if you stay?

Lots of us get out. It isn't easy, but you can do it. The first step is to consult with a lawyer -- you don't have to retain one (which can be thousands of dollars). Just consult, ask some questions. The second step is to make sure you manage your anxiety. It's usually rampant leading up to and during the divorce process, and it can make you feel so desperate you make bad decisions. Hang out here and you'll start to get a sense of how things work. It can seem overwhelming when you contemplate leaving, but there are enough successful (enough) stories here to give you a sense that people get out and they start to get some stability back. In my case, it was the best decision I ever made. My son went from crawling under his desk in 3rd grade, having constant stomachaches from all the stress, to a happy, well-adjusted 11 year old middle schooler. He's thriving. I'm on my way there.

Your kids need you big time. Their lives depend on having you in it, and having you healthy and strong. You're their only stable parent, and that alone is their toehold to a healthier adult life. Don't give up on them -- you can do this. You'll pull through.

People here care because we've all been there. The advice and support I have found here has been priceless. Changed my life.

Keep posting.