She says her dog was run over and is scared

[toliveistofly]

Just got an email from my BPDex. I have been NC (blocked on FB and phone) since October. She says her dog was run over and that she is at the hospital and is scared. She loves that dog.

What do I do? In ANY other situation I would just delete the email. But she moved to this city to marry me and her family is 500 miles away... .  

For anyone else I would be on my way to comfort them. Here are my options:

(1) email her back and tell her that I am so sorry and that I will pray for her pup; OR

(2) go comfort her and then get the hell out of there

Help!

[Zeke]

It's sad but I think you should ignore her.

[MaybeSo]

This up to you.

If you do comfort her, then be prepared for the fall out and go in with eyes wide open.  

This up to you, do what you think is best for you.

BTW... .  relatives 500 miles away are also just a phone call away... .  none of us always get someone there in person for every crises.

A phone call to relatives could also provide support and comfort.  

[Gimme Peace]

My opinion is do not reply. She needs to find other people to turn to in a time of crisis, you have been on NC for 3 months. Not an easy decision. If you do contact her, be prepared to possibly open a Pandora's box... Good luck.

[toliveistofly]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I couldn't completely ignore this one; it was too harsh even for her. I wrote her a short email response saying I was very sorry and that I would pray for her pup. She responded saying the dog was howling as they stitched up her leg and asked me to please call her at the vets office. So I know the dog is going to live which takes away a lot of pressure I was feeling (she was suicidal 3 times during our rs and told me multiple times that the dog was her "best friend".

I wrote her back reiterating that I was sorry and and would pray for the dog. I ignored the request for a phone call completely.

Thanks everyone. Disaster averted on both ends; the dog lives and so does my emotional stability!

[Wooddragon]

If you needed meaningful emotional support would she be willing or capable of providing it? Is a short email or visit going to make her feel better or worse if you dont follow through? After 3 months & with her knowing that you have blocked her but still choosing the only way she can think of to communicate? - agree - huge can of worms best avoided for the sake of all concerned.

Ok I see this response is now redundant   

Dog not quite dead & she wanting more contact - who'd a thunk it?

[Want2know]

Disaster averted on both ends; the dog lives and so does my emotional stability!

You did the right thing... .  you responded in a compassionate, controlled manner. Had you ignored her, you probably wouldn't be feeling so good right now.  A wise decision you made. 

[Wooddragon]

Apologies if I sounded harsh. This scenario is a bit close to home for me

[Clearmind]

Brace yourself for a narky response toliveistofly. Check back with us

[toliveistofly]

No worries woodragon: those exact thoughts were running through me mind. when I needed her most, she was not there for me.

Now that the dog is safe, I feel I can have a little laugh. Her response to my last email began with the following:

"Oh toliveistofly. Why do you do this?"

Ha! I laughed out loud to myself when I read it. She still doesn't get it. None of it. Nothing ever got through to her. Wow

[toliveistofly]

Well Clearmind and others: I did open a can of worms. She didn't go snarky; she went another direction. Thanks to this Board and the members, I can see these comments for what they are, an attempt to recycle. But man, she is good at making me want to believe. It tears at my heart, but I know the truth, someone with BPD isn't suddenly "healed" after 3 months of NC and no therapy. God, I wish I could believe her. Pretty words. But her actions speak the truth.

**********************************************************************************************************

"I'm so sorry. I love you finally because I love myself finally. Please know how much I wish I hadn't caused you pain. I was a very tormented person. You suffered a great injustice that I can't ever make right. You are immensely loved by every part me. You will find heaven in this life. I know that. You were and are my saving grace. You are such a holy man. I know you are happy. I am not sure what is going to happen with my dog. I'm gonna take her back to the vet now. Don't stop praying."

"I wouldn't disrespect the past by expecting you to trust me.  But we are united by more than our human selves.  I feel you constantly.  You saved my life.  Because of your love I have found my way. Thank you.  I love you absolutely.  I will always be with you. 

"You've been so hurt by the person that I was that I've always hoped one day to share my self with you and apologize and show you how grateful I am for forcing me to face things that were making me so deeply unhappy inside. I know you are doing well too. You are inside me everyday in all I do. I love you completely everyday, and will continue to do so. Thank you for your prayers last night."

[Changed4safety]

Sometimes the responses like that are worse.  They  know what we want to hear, and I believe they mean it at the time.  *hugs*

[Want2know]

Well Clearmind and others: I did open a can of worms. She didn't go snarky; she went another direction. Thanks to this Board and the members, I can see these comments for what they are, an attempt to recycle. But man, she is good at making me want to believe. It tears at my heart, but I know the truth, someone with BPD isn't suddenly "healed" after 3 months of NC and no therapy. God, I wish I could believe her. Pretty words. But her actions speak the truth.

This is a solid realization on your part... .  stick to it.   

They are lovely words, and I'm sure there is some truth to them, remembering that they were written in a moment, and may be gone the next moment.  Stay true to yourself and you can't go wrong. 

[Wooddragon]

This type of stuff is the hardest to deal with. I would prefer rage any day because then I could walk away with a clear conscience.  I wish you well. As others have said - she means it now & that is why it's so compelling & heartbreaking & I guess why we allow ourselves to be drawn back in despite what we know to be the reality. I really feel for you with this 

[Clearmind]

It is a solid realization I totally agree!

Words can be very pretty and they can also be dressed up in disguise!

My friend, there is a difference between being nice and assertive/self protecting. Nice is OK to an extent however it can also cause us to move past our own limits/the limits we are comfortable with. You don't have to be nice to be a good person - people love assertiveness - WHY? Because it shows them who you are!

Choose Option #3 next time - YOU!