Detachment by starting a new job in a new place ...

[HarmKrakow]

I currently do think i'm not in a r/s with my gf w BPD anymore, as she stopped having contact with me besides the occasional 2 line email every 48h with; Hey how you doing x? Are you okay x?

I just started with a new job in a new town purely for a new social life and so far, I do notice days are going quicker, but the empty door after a hard day's work still feels awkward. However I now make days of 7 tot 7, meaning I don't have a lot of time in the mean time to think(!) about the gf w BPD. Nonetheless, weekend just started and am still in limbo what to do with the entire situation.

Conversations unfortunately just remain shallow. They don't go in depth as it did with my gf w BPD. I just feel so empty. No energy or power in my body. The work I do is like some sort of automatic zombie.

Per week contact deteriorated between me and my gf w BPD, I don't have the balls to confront her with these awkward communication styles (as in, where do we stand in our relationship?) however I started a new job to start a new life.

My question for everybody who went through this process ... .  

Will it get better?

[LuckyEscapee]

I can only talk from my experience, but I am fairly certain it will yes. I recall being something akin to being post-trauma shocked. I was so used to the drama and 24/7 mind games/harassment, that I was living on a knife edge of nerves. Once my exBPD left town with his new gal, I first missed the input and intensity, everything felt numb by comparison. I had lost so much of me in the process of the relationship, that I felt that my life was now in Black & White. But very quickly I realised that I had become situationalized to the angst.

I took care to take care of myself in those early days, and although I was still on sleeping tablets, I tried to be kind to myself. I let myself feel whatever it was I needed to feel. In time I  tried to celebrate the end of the madness, and quickly the color and truth came into those celebrations. I realised that I was lucky that I had escaped. I had lost this relationship (it was all an illusion anyhow) but I had found other things again; like calm, relaxation, easy, serenity, fun, lightness, simple, straightforward, clarity, laughter, caring. I had my life back... .  yay!

These relationships are arduous, toiling, confusing, unpredictable. I think that once you are past this first hump in the road to recovery, that your mind/body will start to feel like it's on vacation by comparison. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.

[GustheDog]

I can only talk from my experience, but I am fairly certain it will yes. I recall being something akin to being post-trauma shocked. I was so used to the drama and 24/7 mind games/harassment, that I was living on a knife edge of nerves. Once my exBPD left town with his new gal, I first missed the input and intensity, everything felt numb by comparison. I had lost so much of me in the process of the relationship, that I felt that my life was now in Black & White. But very quickly I realised that I had become situationalized to the angst.

I took care to take care of myself in those early days, and although I was still on sleeping tablets, I tried to be kind to myself. I let myself feel whatever it was I needed to feel. In time I  tried to celebrate the end of the madness, and quickly the color and truth came into those celebrations. I realised that I was lucky that I had escaped. I had lost this relationship (it was all an illusion anyhow) but I had found other things again; like calm, relaxation, easy, serenity, fun, lightness, simple, straightforward, clarity, laughter, caring. I had my life back... .  yay!

These relationships are arduous, toiling, confusing, unpredictable. I think that once you are past this first hump in the road to recovery, that your mind/body will start to feel like it's on vacation by comparison. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.

I'm just getting to this stage of "getting myself back" now, LE - it feels good.

And I think you're in a better spot than most, harmkrakow, in the sense that new and exciting changes are taking place in your life and you're keeping busy.  So just keep doing what you'd planned all along - starting a new job and building a new life.

[OTH]

It is a sad time. You suffered a big loss. What are you doing to focus on yourself and your own needs? After being wrapped up in the drama so long once you step out your view of life gets skewed. What is a healthy plan for yourself moving forward?

[HarmKrakow]

It is a sad time. You suffered a big loss. What are you doing to focus on yourself and your own needs? After being wrapped up in the drama so long once you step out your view of life gets skewed. What is a healthy plan for yourself moving forward?

It not only gets skewed. The no-drama, zero attention, nothing happening and only questions in your head as in; "How is she doing" makes my head go numb. Completely. I wait for the tube from the central station to work and I just stand and wait. I feel pure emptyness, loneliness and zero joy. It's like nothing moves me forward anymore and I just do my new work in some robotic-automatic pilot service.

I really do hope that eventually I will get through it, but the main reason why I am posting here again is that I notice that per day, my 'enjoyment' in life is purely slipping away. I wanted to help my gf w BPD but she doesn't want to be helped and no I wander around in the world feeling completely utterly useless.

Everything besides a good feeling and it aint helping me sleep (got sleeping pills from the doctor) and aint helping me eat (Sept 2012 I was 84 kilo, now Febr 2013 i'm 68 kilo) nor is it me helping make social contact. I don't have any social contact anymore, I literally pushed all(!) my friends away to try to convince my gf w BPD that she is the one i'm living for and that she shouldnt worry that I don't care about her as she often suggested... .  

And now...

she contacts me every 2/3 days with an email of 2/3 sentences. We never officially had any conversation about continuing a relationship or having plans. The last few months she painted me bloody black. From top to bottom, I was the worst in the world and she wondered how I could live with myself ...

So here I am, a simple weekend of not doing jack ~, not because I don't want to go out, I just don't feel that spark in my body anymore to do something.

:'(

[LuckyEscapee]

You are still processing and will be for a good while yet. After the darkness of being painted black, isn't even a lazy weekend doing nothing lightness by comparison? What's wrong with letting yourself heal awhile? There is no right or wrong in the aftermath of 'battle', you may need some time to simply be. The rest will follow.

Do nothing, feel nothing with pride. Better than stepping forward into the blast zone again.

[OTH]

I wanted to help my gf w BPD but she doesn't want to be helped and no I wander around in the world feeling completely utterly useless.

A lot going on here. Do you see that you need to help yourself? What would that look like? This was the question before but you redirected it to your SO. Where are you and your needs in your thinking?