Missed turns and oranges turning into a nuclear meltdown. suggestions?

[Grey Kitty]

Then about a year after committing the wheels start to fall off. You then feel guilty about what you did to your ex, and think maybe he wasn't to bad. That guilt makes you reluctant to "pull the trigger" again, so instead you stay and slug it out feeling you made a mistake and bear a load of resentment on your shoulders. Your partner senses this and the whole thing spirals.

That is a good picture of a bad situation. Here is something better to strive for:

Resolve to behave as well as you can in your current situation. Enjoy the good parts of it. Do what you can to not make things worse, and give him room to improve if he is ready to. If you live up to your values and ideals, and are honest with yourself about what you want and need, you will be able to either make a relationship work well, or see that it isn't working and move on.

A healthy middle road between giving up and running away, or sticking around and just getting hurt.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Want2know]

Just a reminder that the Staying board is about examining way to improve a relationship with a BPD partner.

Please do not urge participants to exit the relationship. Members post here to find solutions to difficult relationships. People who are staying with a person with BPD need a safe place to post and get support.  We can't help and support people if they aren't here. Please allow them the opportunity. The people posting here are with the BPD person in their life and have made a commitment to stay (at least for now) and make the best of it.  They are interested in learning tools of validation, communication, etc., to help improve the relationship. 

Please don't urge somebody to "run" as that isn't what people want to hear if they are posting on Staying.  If someone posts something that is alarming because they are describing serious abuse towards themselves or abuse towards children, it is appropriate to urge them to seek legal or medical help.  If you see posters violating this guideline, please feel free to notify a staff member.  It is acceptable to mention the difficulties of staying, but comments such as "Run and don't look back.  Look at my life - don't make the same mistake.  You are wasting your time.  You should leave now" are not appropriate on this board. [/color]