driving me crazy

[pk]

Just VENTING!  Please let me do this!  Ok, so he comes from the T today and says the T wants to see me and I ask why and he says cause he and the T have decided I treat him like a child (I do, because he acts like one).  I ask him to make a list of how I treat him like a child so I can understand when i am doing it and he said "see you are doing it now".  So now he is pointing it out to me whenever I ask him to do anything like pick up your dirty laundry from the living room and bathroom or take your dishes to the kitchen or pick up the food you dropped on the floor or staying up all night is bad for your health  and YES, I will not let someone who has stayed up all night, that is 24 hrs without sleep, I will not let you drive a car! then, yes, that I am treating like a child!  Telling you over and over again to take your pills and feed the cat you had to have and take a freakin shower every so often and to clean up your stack of clothes cause I can no longer see my own bedroom floor and to stop wasting/spending money casue I am already working 2 jobs and you are working NONE!  Then yes, I treat you like a child but you are acting like a teenager who wants money and freedom and NO responsibilities!  Tough S**T!. 

OK, I am done venting now.  Thanks. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pk]

Thanks for letting me vent last night.  I knew it was the only way I would be able to get some sleep.

[Rockylove]

Thanks for letting me vent last night.  I knew it was the only way I would be able to get some sleep.

  I hope you got some sleep!  I know the feeling of having to take on a motherly role, but I'm choosing to resist the temptation to do so... .   it seems to work better in my favor to allow him to trip and fall occasionally.  Hope your meeting with the T goes well!

[yeeter]

I have young children, but am a bit lost on what its going to take to get them through their 20's and out living life on their own.  The good news is that I have a little time, but some of my colleagues are dealing with it now.

Just how DO you treat a child as they need to become independent and responsible for their own actions and life decisions?  

[pk]

The problem is Yeeter that this is my 53 yr old BPDhusband  and He refuses any responsibility, even for his own health, and then gets upset when i say hey, ya gotta take your pills, take a shower and make it so I can walk thru the living room.  He just want s to peck away at his computer all day and be left alone.  I am just the cash cow that is not making enough money and not giving him enough freedom!  (funny, I thought not having to work and being supported by someone else was ALOT of freedom!

[yeeter]

I get it pk

And I know you just wanted to vent.

But it's the same type of issue... .   You have someone that doesn't want to 'grow up' (who does?)  So I was indirectly asking, what would you if he was a 25yo child that behaved this way?  Because like it or not, you don't have an equal partner. (feel free to just ignore this probing, because you did state and ask up front to just be allowed to vent! )

[pk]

Oh, I see what you mean.  If I had a 25 yr old child acting as my 53 yr old BPDh does I would continue to nag at him and if he didn't like it he could pretty much leave. I am not sure how you help/force someone to grow up other than letting them do it or face the consequences unfortunately I am the one subjected to the consequences of him doing nothing.  So tired of living in his hoarding, clutter and coming home to a house that is messier than when I left in the morning. 

[yeeter]

. I am not sure how you help/force someone to grow up other than letting them do it or face the consequences

. 

I agree.

So until he is forced to face the consequences, he will have no real motivation to change.  Even then he may choose to just live with the consequences

You will have to figure out what YOU are going to do.  Knowing you cannot count on him doing what you would like him to