Traveling without him

[sadeyes]

I am travelling without him internationally for about 5 days. He is doing ok so far, but as the trip get closer, I fear it will get worse. Last night he was "normal" but shared some concerns regarding the trip.

1. He is scared something will happen to me. (kidnapped, killed disappear etc). There is no particular danger of this in the country I am going to. (not worse than any major us city)

2 He is afraid he will need me while I am gone

3. He is afraid I am going with someone else besides who I say. (my mom).

I told him I have been to this country many times before, and I always felt safe there. I told him I would call him daily, and he can email me.

Any suggestions regarding helping him without "loosing ground". I thought about emailing him some pics after a day or two that just happen to have mom in it. This is gonna be a BIG deal for him. And the truth is, if I thought that my spouse would be injured (or they were going with someone else) I would be upset too. No matter how unrealistic those things are.

I

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[briefcase]

I told him I have been to this country many times before, and I always felt safe there. I told him I would call him daily, and he can email me.

This is just another way of telling him not to worry, which is well-intended but invalidating.   

And the truth is, if I thought that my spouse would be injured (or they were going with someone else) I would be upset too. No matter how unrealistic those things are.

That's validating!     He's worried and anxious - let him know you hear him!  Don't try to reassure him that you'll be fine.  Something more along the lines of "You sound worried for me hon, but I'll be fine I know you want to look out for me."  That's about all you can do.  Don't make a big deal about it.  Be business like about this . . . and then go! 

[sadeyes]

We have been doing ok. He is doing a good job of telling me how he is feeling ie I am gonna miss you, and I have been trying to validate and tell him I am going to miss him too.

Things are a bit dicey this morning, as I wasn't being careful and mentioned a sore subject. But I got myself under control quickly, and things seemed to simmer down.

Maybe more anxiety as I leave tomorrow. I am getting excited. It is a period of low contact for me to try to wrap my mind around some things without having to tell him what I am doing.