Easter weekend.

[Dave44]

Feeling down today and although I sometimes feel I'm "spamming" the boards it's the only place where I can come to vent with people that do understand.

While I have been feeling considerably better lately today I'm feeling down - very lonely. I suppose it's due to it being Easter weekend and another holiday that I'll be alone and not with my "family". Another holiday that would have been so fun with the kids.

You know, when I first started seeing my ex and right through up until the end she would constantly make comments such as "my kids have never taken to anyone like they have to you", "you can't leave us, the girls would be devastated", "the girls have never had a father figure like you", "you mean the world to them!" "We're a family now" and so on and so on. During the early stages of our relationship, looking back it almost seemed like she used her kids as a means to solidify how perfect we were for one another like telling me the girls would love to see you if you wanted to come over?

I really did connect with her girls very much. There is no doubt that they adored me and loved spending time with me. I can remember on my days off when I would be able to pick them up from school they would get so excited. However she brutally dumped me and I never even got to say goodbye to them. How could she do that to her kids? How could she rip someone that meant so much to them right out of their lives? I never heard from my ex again and I miss the kids terribly. I often wonder what they think happened to me? :-(

Anyways, thanks for listening... .

[blecker]

As much as these relationships damage us my heart has always felt the deepest sorrow for the little ones that get so hurt by this disease.

I am so sorry for what your feeling Dave and my heart goes out to those little ones who must be so confused and feeling abandoned.

It has been said that borderlines beget borderlines. Not hard to imagine from what you have shared.

[Mightyhammers]

I know exactly how you feel mate, although I wasnt as deeply involved as a lot of people on here ( when there are families are involved etc ), Im still hurting as I keep thinking we would be spending the long weekend together. Im just gonna try and get out of the house as much as possible

[Dave44]

Thanks,

It is so hard. I'm at the point now that I'm thinking about the kids more than my ex herself. I really do miss them and it's weekend like this that are the hardest.

[ScotisGone74]

I hate to hear that you are feeling down Dave.  Personally for me it feels like I get better for a couple of days and feel okay, then some idea or memories of the things that me and the exBPD used to do will pop into my head and I feel horrible for a couple days.  I think most people's recovery from this stuff will be choppy at best.  I'm now working up a 'Bucket List' to fill some of my time (haha),  maybe I will hike the Hemaleya mountains in the coming year, I will post it on here when I get my list together of things I want to do and NOW have the time to do without dealing with constant crazy. 

[real lady]

Dave44; is there anyway that you could send them an Easter basket or card with a gift card in it that THEY would receive... . maybe THROUGH another family member than you can trust. Let the girls know that though you are NO LONGER a part of their lives, they still are in your heart. I am so sorry to hear of your pain with this. I felt the same way with my son's father's daughter from his first marriage. He turned her against me early on in our marriage and by the time she was 16, he had her thinking that I was trying to control her, etc... . she was SO nasty to me and I didn't know why but KNEW that she only knew what he daddy told her... . I am sure that it is probably that way she has spoken to her kids about your leaving, etc... .

Were you with your "family" very long? If so, is there any way that you could legally seek to have "visitation" with them at times? I don't see any reason not to try if you are longing to see them, etc.

Wishing you all the best.

[Dave44]

 Dave44; is there anyway that you could send them an Easter basket or card with a gift card in it that THEY would receive... . maybe THROUGH another family member than you can trust. Let the girls know that though you are NO LONGER a part of their lives, they still are in your heart. I am so sorry to hear of your pain with this. I felt the same way with my son's father's daughter from his first marriage. He turned her against me early on in our marriage and by the time she was 16, he had her thinking that I was trying to control her, etc... . she was SO nasty to me and I didn't know why but KNEW that she only knew what he daddy told her... . I am sure that it is probably that way she has spoken to her kids about your leaving, etc... .

Were you with your "family" very long? If so, is there any way that you could legally seek to have "visitation" with them at times? I don't see any reason not to try if you are longing to see them, etc.

Wishing you all the best!

Thank you for the suggestion. Trust me when I say I've thought about something like this but unfortuately it's just not an option. I did something similar in December. Both the girls birthdays are in December which was shorty after she ended it and kicked me out. I sent her acheque in the mail for $100.00 with a letter explaining that even though I wasn't going to be able to participate in the girls birthdays I would still like to contribute in some way and asked if she could buy something for them on my behalf. The cheque was immediately cashed and I never heard a word from her. I'd bet you anything the money was never used to buy them something or that the girls even knew I sent the money to begin with. Like I said, I never heard another word from my ex.

[Clearmind]

Dave, I can certainly understand how you miss the kids - the family you felt like you once had.

Kds adapt quite quickly and her kids have probably come accustomed to the way of life. I really don't suggest you maintain contact with the kids where the mother has not maintained contact with you. It can create drama that I am sure you really don't need right now.

You will heal in time. Give yourself time and the space to grieve.