Over reaction to sickness

[Cloudy Days]

My dog has been feeling under the weather, i think she just has an ear infection and I am going to take her to the vet tomorrow. Obviously an ear infection would make anyone be somewhat antisocial. My dog has been laying uder our table away from people. I know she just doesn't feel good. My husband has been obsessing over her. She has had bladder stones in the past and she has a habbit of not going pee when she needs to. Or at least when we think she needs to. Anyways, I'm getting to the point where I just don't trust my husband's reactions to things. He is convinced she is having bladder problems and that she is in terrible pain. She's just laying down, it's also raining outside and she hates the rain. My husband is pawning over her and trying to force her to eat food, I will never understand why he thinks when our dogs don't feel good he needs to offer them food, he does it every time. She's eating just fine though. I really don't know what to think. When he goes outside with her he acts like she is acting so strange and she's in so much pain. She's been acting normal to me, when I go outside with her she's not doing anything out of the ordianry. Seriously what is he seeing that I am not? He starts to act like I don't care about the dog. It just makes me wonder if I am missing something.

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[briefcase]

I'm sorry your dog is feeling under the weather and hope she feels better soon.  It sounds like you both care for the dog quite a lot.   

It's alright if you guys have different perceptions/opinions about this.  He may just see things a little differenty than you.  It happens.     You can always take her to the vet and get a professional opinion if this becomes a big problem for her or if you guys need the peace of mind. 

This is one of those areas where I think its important for you to keep "your stuff" and "his stuff" seperate.  Trust your instincts about the dog's health (or take her in to the vet) and don't let his perceptions become your reality.  Just because he acts like, or says, you don't care about the dog doesn't make it true because it's not true.  Hold onto your reality and don't let what he says about you become your reality.   

[daylily]

Hi Cloudy,

I've had the same issues with my uBPDh with illnesses.  My mom is a nurse so I grew up learning about health issues, so I'm no expert, but I have general knowledge about how the body works and about illnesses.  My H has very limited knowledge about these things, but, as with everything, he has very strong opinions about what is wrong with one of our children and what should be done about it.  Like briefcase has advised, I try to keep "his stuff" separate.  When it comes to my children's health, I find that it's a lot easier to disregard his opinion than with other issues because it's so much more important that my children get better.  He usually takes it up a notch and criticizes my parenting, but I know I'm doing the best thing for my kids, so I can ignore it (for the most part).  If there's any question, I call the doctor.  Sometimes this helps a little with my H because the doctor usually "sides" with me (though sometimes he thinks the doctor is wrong too  ).  Maybe you can channel this for your canine child's health!

Funny, though, when I am sick or hurt, he downplays my illness because if I'm sick, that adversely affects him (he's got to pick up my slack)!     Hmmmmm... .  

  :)aylily

[Cloudy Days]

Funny, though, when I am sick or hurt, he downplays my illness because if I'm sick, that adversely affects him (he's got to pick up my slack)!     Hmmmmm... .  

Oh goodness isn't that the truth. I could have a stomach ache and go lay down and he could get pissy about it saying I am ignoreing him. Thank you both for the support, I have made an apointment for the vet tomorrow, she does have an ear ache the sooner that goes away the better. I'm hoping she will start acting like herself once we get her some ear drops. I think it just worries me because the last time he acted like I was under reacting and she really was super sick. I wasn't I'm just a internal worrier I don't bother him with my thoughts on things until I talk to a doctor. Because if I did he would just obsess over it more.

[daylily]

I think it just worries me because the last time he acted like I was under reacting and she really was super sick.

People wonder why us nons can't just ignore our pwBPD when they are behaving extremely.  This is one of the main reasons (I think) that we have trouble doing that.  There's that kernel of truth in what they are saying, or a possibility it could be true.  It's not all nonsense.  I've posted here before that sometimes I think it would be a lot easier to deal with my H if he weren't so high-functioning, because maybe it would all sound more like "crazy talk," and I'd be able to disregard it as such.  (As a side note, I've read posts from nons with low-functioning partners and I don't envy them one bit, so I know it isn't really what I want!)  My H is a smart guy and he can be really perceptive. Many times, I agree with what he has to say. (I think a lot of times we're arguing even though we're really on the same page, because something got lost in translation somewhere.)  His observations and comments are extreme and are tainted by his emotions, but the underlying principle could be absolutely correct.  That makes me question myself... .  

  Daylily

[Cloudy Days]

This site makes me feel so much less crazy... .  

My husband is the low functioning type of borderline, but yes sometimes he does know what he's talking about. And he always feels like people don't take him seriously, so I try to genuinly understand him and what he thinks is wrong. I make sure to point out what I agree with and avoid what I don't agree with.

I've also had the argument about something that we both actually agree on he's just misunderstanding me. I think those can be worse than the ones where we disagree because it makes me feel insane. How can you fight about something that you agree on. He finds a way to pull me in. I remember one intance where I kept trying to tell him I agreed with him but he kept saying that I was stupid and didn't know what I was talking about because I explalined it using a different word.

On another note, my puppy peed for my husband so I think he's happy with just saying it's an ear infection now. She's peed twice for me but he won't trust my judgment