it's not about the dog

[Rockylove]

I mentioned in another post that I felt a rage emerging.  He came close again and again I didn't take the bait.  He told me that he had a 2 hr conversation with his son the other night.  That's a good thing.  The not-so-good thing is that he put the bug in his son's ear to take the dog that has been with my fiance for the past 3 years~~and came right out and told me that he blamed me for wanting to get rid of her!  Although there is an element of truth to it, he is the one that suggested it in the 1st place!  I began to JADE but then he started going off and I just said I wasn't going to fight about it that it made me sad that he'd blame me and that I'd take the blame on this one, but I wouldn't be taking the blame on everything.  I really do think the dog should be elsewhere.  I'm tired of my fiance screaming and cussing at her.  He was really ugly to her the other day and it was disturbing.  I asked if he recalled his behavior toward her and he said "yeah and it must have worked because she's been really good the past few days" 

I know there's more to it than just the dog.  He started saying something about me wanting to marry him so I could control him (he's said this before) and I'm just not interested in getting into that discussion yet again.  I'd just as soon not get married than to have that hanging over me.  UGH!  What do I say?  How do I respond to this?  Should I even bring it up?  I'm not even sure what it is that he's feeling that would cause him to bring it up.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[123Phoebe]

Rockylove, what are your values.  I mean, deeply, what are they?

I might be on the opposite end of the spectrum as I LOVE animals and spoil them and absolutely adore them.  It's a huge for me to even suspect someone is being unkind to them in any way. 

If my guy ever raised his voice in anger to my pet (or his own!), that would be it.  Sure there might be other things beneath the surface brewing, but the fact that he took whatever is going on out on the dog wouldn't fly with me.  And then to twist that anger back onto me while saying that his angry outburst worked?  Crazy-making = GONE!

We all have our own limits.  He's shown you what he's all about.  You can't change him.

Maybe the reason why you're feeling' UGH! and don't know what to say' is because there isn't anything to say.  Did he cross one of your boundaries with his behavior?



 

[Rockylove]

123Phoebe... . I hadn't established a boundary so to speak in regard to that because he's always had tremendous compassion for animals~~more so than people.  He loves them because of their unconditional love.  This happened once before, but on a day to day basis he's usually more tolerant of this dog's behavior than I am.  I believe in loving discipline~~he doesn't discipline at all... . until it affects him.  He's never gotten angry at the little dog we have though.  I know he loves the little guy and never cared much for big dogs, but he said that he took on the responsibility and he would stand by it if it killed him.  Admirable, but not all that logical to me.  I know he didn't want to be the bad guy in this and he put it on me.  I'm actually ok with that.  I'm not ok with his anger toward her and I've made that very clear.  He's reported on her behavior daily when I come home from work.  It's definitely on his mind.