She is threatening to make a scene in a public place

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey all! I have a question.

I'm glad to be disconnected from my ex, but she keeps e-mailing me. She knows I like to go to a certain cafe to do work, and today she e-mailed me and told me:

"Well guess what I'm going to start studying there so stay away bc I will make a scene."

In the past she has pulled some moves on me that could have resulted in me getting into legal trouble. For instance, she would attack me and grab me, and when people would pass by she would yell "Stop attacking me, leave me alone." Or one time she took my phone from me and when I tried to take it, she started screaming that I was stealing her phone.

I want her out of my life, and I don't want to get into any legal trouble. What should I do? What if she comes to that place, makes a scene, and makes it seem like I'm the perpetrator.

[cska]

Hey all! I have a question.

I'm glad to be disconnected from my ex, but she keeps e-mailing me. She knows I like to go to a certain cafe to do work, and today she e-mailed me and told me:

"Well guess what I'm going to start studying there so stay away bc I will make a scene."

In the past she has pulled some moves on me that could have resulted in me getting into legal trouble. For instance, she would attack me and grab me, and when people would pass by she would yell "Stop attacking me, leave me alone." Or one time she took my phone from me and when I tried to take it, she started screaming that I was stealing her phone.

I want her out of my life, and I don't want to get into any legal trouble. What should I do? What if she comes to that place, makes a scene, and makes it seem like I'm the perpetrator.

[SweetCharlotte]

Wow, that is sticky. Can you get a restraining order based on her threat and the past behavior?

[GreenMango]

Go to the police station, ask to speak to a policeman, ask for recommendations from them, show the email... . and find a new cafe.

A cafe isn't worth this stress, or a pissing match over a place to study, or a false allegation, or entertaining her dysfunctional way to emotionally soothe.

Let her have the cafe.  Take yourself out if her conflict cycle - it belongs to her.

[Forward2free]

Go to the police station, ask to speak to a policeman, ask for recommendations from them, show the email... . and find a new cafe.

A cafe isn't worth this stress, or a pissing match over a place to study, or a false allegation, or entertaining her dysfunctional way to emotionally soothe.

Let her have the cafe.  Take yourself out if her conflict cycle - it belongs to her.

This reminds me so much of what I tell my kids when they complain the other person started it. I always advise to go and do a different activity in a different place. It's the proximity that causes the problems, and the bigger person has to be willing to walk away to keep the peace. It's not always fair, sometimes you were there first, but I agree that there are many other cafes to go to... .

[letmeout]

Why do you read her e-mails in the first place?

[Thunderstruck]

Record the encounters. If there is question later you'll have evidence. Be sure to check your local laws on recording, btw. Where I live, the other party doesn't have to give consent if it's a public place.

[Xtrange]

Hey all! I have a question.

I'm glad to be disconnected from my ex, but she keeps e-mailing me. She knows I like to go to a certain cafe to do work, and today she e-mailed me and told me:

"Well guess what I'm going to start studying there so stay away bc I will make a scene."

In the past she has pulled some moves on me that could have resulted in me getting into legal trouble. For instance, she would attack me and grab me, and when people would pass by she would yell "Stop attacking me, leave me alone." Or one time she took my phone from me and when I tried to take it, she started screaming that I was stealing her phone.

I want her out of my life, and I don't want to get into any legal trouble. What should I do? What if she comes to that place, makes a scene, and makes it seem like I'm the perpetrator.

That's hard. I decided NC; but I have to hide because I don't want to go to the drama and legal issues. Like the ones you had to suffer.

¿Another options? ¿any other suggestion?

[livednlearned]

Others have given you good advice in terms of the psychological stuff.

For the legal, what those of us with custody issues (who have to continue interacting with our exes) do is recommend carrying a recorder at all times. Check first to see if it's legal in your state to record someone without their consent. But even if you live in a state where you need both parties to consent, just whipping out a phone with a camera can be a powerful incentive for the other party to back down.

Also, check to see what the laws are in your state about threats. Sometimes the threat has to explicitly refer to bodily harm.

I agree with others about the cafe. Find a different place to study. She has already shown that she's serious about getting you in legal harm. When people tell you who they are, believe them.