Good? Bad? I spoke my mind but he's never wrong...

[Depression = 72% of members]

So last night H went to his mum's place to spend the night.  Not because we were fighting, he claimed it's because his mum's helper is not in town so he accompanies his mum.  But he was gone 2 nights in 2 weeks... . anyhow, good to have some "me" time when he's not here as well.  I didn't ask him if he's coming back, I just did my own stuff without him. 

Then at one point he texted me and asked, "Honestly, are you mad at my mum?  You have to be honest and tell me."

(Background: He asked me to help his mum with something.  I have been doing it but he never checked with me or his mum.)

Then I asked him what makes him think of that, and he sent me a long paragraph basically saying "You do all the complicated things for me but you won't even do a single thing for my mum."

I got upset (actually I felt physically unwell right there and then), but I kept my cool and said, "I have been doing that ever since you asked me, even went out of my way to make sure your mum got hit_, so I wonder where that came from."

Then he pretended nothing was wrong, and said "I'm glad there is no feud between the two of you."  (There never was any, yet he keeps trying to divide us, telling me "my mum hates you" when he is just projecting on her.  His mum loves me and I love her)

I know I should probably let it go, but I can’t.  If I had done the same thing I would’ve gotten hours of lectures, if not worse.  And he hasn’t even apologized for the wrong accusation!  So I texted, “I hope next time you can check with your mum or me before making accusations.  Thanks.”

Then he answered, “Checking with you was exactly what you’re doing, hence my question  “

I explained that “if you asked whether I have done hit_, then it would seem more like an enquiry.  Now it seems like you don’t think I have done it even before you ask.  But of course you’re free to ask in whatever way you like.  Just saying.”

Then he changed the topic.  Well, I’m a smart person (from experience…) so I don’t stay on the previous topic as well.  It’s good that he didn’t rage, but then he didn’t think he was wrong either, and he has complete disregard of my feelings (as usual).  I hate how when he wants to stay on a topic he goes on for hours, even days (even when you disengage.  He just rambles on about how bad you are), but when it’s remotely about him, he changes the topic.  It makes me feel like I’m taking to air. 

Sorry it’s a bit long and probably just a vent.  Although if you have any suggestions or experience please also share.  Thanks for reading!  I need to get it off my system.

[Chosen]

So last night H went to his mum's place to spend the night.  Not because we were fighting, he claimed it's because his mum's helper is not in town so he accompanies his mum.  But he was gone 2 nights in 2 weeks... . anyhow, good to have some "me" time when he's not here as well.  I didn't ask him if he's coming back, I just did my own stuff without him. 

Then at one point he texted me and asked, "Honestly, are you mad at my mum?  You have to be honest and tell me."

(Background: He asked me to help his mum with something.  I have been doing it but he never checked with me or his mum.)

Then I asked him what makes him think of that, and he sent me a long paragraph basically saying "You do all the complicated things for me but you won't even do a single thing for my mum."

I got upset (actually I felt physically unwell right there and then), but I kept my cool and said, "I have been doing that ever since you asked me, even went out of my way to make sure your mum got hit_, so I wonder where that came from."

Then he pretended nothing was wrong, and said "I'm glad there is no feud between the two of you."  (There never was any, yet he keeps trying to divide us, telling me "my mum hates you" when he is just projecting on her.  His mum loves me and I love her)

I know I should probably let it go, but I can’t.  If I had done the same thing I would’ve gotten hours of lectures, if not worse.  And he hasn’t even apologized for the wrong accusation!  So I texted, “I hope next time you can check with your mum or me before making accusations.  Thanks.”

Then he answered, “Checking with you was exactly what you’re doing, hence my question  “

I explained that “if you asked whether I have done hit_, then it would seem more like an enquiry.  Now it seems like you don’t think I have done it even before you ask.  But of course you’re free to ask in whatever way you like.  Just saying.”

Then he changed the topic.  Well, I’m a smart person (from experience…) so I don’t stay on the previous topic as well.  It’s good that he didn’t rage, but then he didn’t think he was wrong either, and he has complete disregard of my feelings (as usual).  I hate how when he wants to stay on a topic he goes on for hours, even days (even when you disengage.  He just rambles on about how bad you are), but when it’s remotely about him, he changes the topic.  It makes me feel like I’m taking to air. 

Sorry it’s a bit long and probably just a vent.  Although if you have any suggestions or experience please also share.  Thanks for reading!  I need to get it off my system.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[eeyore]

sounds like divisiveness.  Know yourself, you have no issues with his mum.  So when he tries to be divisive you know it's just his way. 

[Chosen]

The "thing" with his mum is too ridiculous, so I believe none of it when he tells me his family hates me, etc.  If anything, he is probably unhappy that his family likes me, thinks I take care of him well when it's completely opposite to what he is feeling.

Of course what he says won't affect the reality, and that's why it's very frustrating when he keeps on saying things that are just outright made-up!  But you're right, that's just his way... . his twisted reality which I will never understand.

[eeyore]

If anything, he is probably unhappy that his family likes me, thinks I take care of him well when it's completely opposite to what he is feeling.

exactly

Of course what he says won't affect the reality, and that's why it's very frustrating when he keeps on saying things that are just outright made-up!  But you're right, that's just his way... . his twisted reality which I will never understand.

we can't make sense out of crazy.  It is what it is.  I hear you on being frustrated. 

[waverider]

He made an assumption, got it wrong. Subject closed, he has BPD and so is never wrong... Chosen does internal an eyeroll, smiles and says" yes dear" and goes about her business... Another day in the cycle of a BPD relationship... !