Trigger with TV

[Nonamouse]

Hi - My dBPDw has a recurring trigger from TV. It used to be TV shows with scantily clad women or where there were sexual scenes. It's gotten progressively worse to the point of just about any casual reference to sex or a character who has an affair, anything like that. She then starts in on how that relates to my life when i was single, something i said a year ago, or one of my friends she doesn't like. She goes on and on about how sick our culture is, sex everywhere, etc. then she rages.

I'm talking PG13 movies and sitcoms, even commercials, nothing graphic. I'm at the point where I'm about to cut the cable and put the TVs on Craigslist.

Any advice?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[eeyore]

validation and when you can't validate find something shiny new to change the subject.  :-)

[copeland]

I can sympathize! My uBPDw reacts in a similar fashion, depending on her moods - the news is always a dicey topic, with people being stupid and such, but sometimes it is something small like you said.  One instance comes to mind where someone on a show mentioned that they had mono once, and five minutes later she was not speaking to me because I got mono when we first met, which means I was fooling around on her (although I did not have a date for a long time before we met!).  It took about two days to break the silent treatment.  I found that all you can do is validate and try to get them on a different track, or pick your shows that you watch together carefully to try and avoid triggers, and be prepared for the reaction when it does occur!    Just know you are not alone!

[Cloudy Days]

TV is a trigger for my husband too, but not sex scenes. His PTSD is triggered when he sees police brutality or anything related to someone getting bullied for no reason. The news is hard to watch, but interestingly enough he can watch Cops on a good day. On a bad day he would be triggered with it so I just never know. The other day the news showed a guy getting jumped on a bus and everyone stood by and watched it happen. That really got to him, he got upset at me went outside and smoked (to calm down) came back in still irritated. What sucks is I can't control his News watching. His therapist even told him not to watch the news but he still does it.

[Wrongturn1]

Yep, I get what you're talking about with the TV sexuality trigger. 

It's a catch-22 in my house.  When a commercial with a scantily-clad woman comes on, I'm accused of oogling if I do not turn my head away or walk out of the room; but if I do turn away or walk out, then I'm accused of being driven out of control by these images or creating an awkward situation.  I've typically tried to prevent the situation by not watching TV with my uBPDw, or reading a book or emails if I have to be in the room while the TV is on.  This has happened numerous times, to the extent where I start having near-panic attack-type symptoms when a sexual situation comes up while I am watching TV with her... . not fun, and a big area where I need to improve. 

[Nonamouse]

Thanks all. It helps to know I'm not alone with this.  I'm OK with her leaving the room or asking me to turn the channel, but I have lost it last nigh when she started raging about society exploiting women because of a really tame BBC show I was watching.

I'm still new to validating and it's really hard when you're angry. My response last night was to turn the tables and tell her how sick her voyeurism was for watching true crime stories, and how how that is for glorifying and profiting off of the misery of others.

You can guess how that went over. (Not well.)

[Wrongturn1]

Hahaha... . I can imagine how well your critique of her true crime TV watching went over. 

There was a discussion around here awhile back about BPDs enjoying the true crime shows.  My uBPDw loves those shows, and I can't stand them... . just sickening stuff.  I used to say, "oh, do we have to watch this 'people killing people' show again?"  But that never did anything but irritate her, so I just started finding something else to do while she was watching those.

[Iolair]

This was an interesting thread to me. It sounds kind of familiar. My BPDbf does seem to over-react to things on TV sometimes. He can't stand to watch anything in which people are being embarrassed or exploited, even when it's comedy. And he can't watch any sort of rape scene or any situation in which a woman or child is being abused, even if it's obviously a fiction (like in a movie, not on the news). He handles it pretty well, I think, because he usually just leaves the room for the part of a show he can't bear to watch. Sometimes he won't want to watch any of the rest of the movie/show after he's seen something like that, even if the rest of the show turns out to be fine. It's like the whole show is now spoiled for him.

News on the radio/internet is sometimes tough, too. Which is a shame because he's a news hound. He'll read about something distressing on a news website (it could be anything from global warming to a mass shooting) and start telling me about it. Often it turns into a lament about how the world is falling apart and there's just no place for him in it.

[Nonamouse]

It sounds kind of familiar. My BPDbf does seem to over-react to things on TV sometimes. He can't stand to watch anything in which people are being embarrassed or exploited, even when it's comedy. And he can't watch any sort of rape scene or any situation in which a woman or child is being abused, even if it's obviously a fiction (like in a movie, not on the news). He handles it pretty well, I think, because he usually just leaves the room for the part of a show he can't bear to watch. Sometimes he won't want to watch any of the rest of the movie/show after he's seen something like that, even if the rest of the show turns out to be fine. It's like the whole show is now spoiled for him.

The way our therapist described it, the emotional system of a pwBPD is like a burn victim, whose skin is ultra-sensitive to the slightest touch. It makes sense to me, because a TV scene of something uncomfortable can trigger her in an instant. Sometimes it can get manipulative, like her watching something she knows I like without me, and then quizzing me on whether there were sex scenes to catch me in a lie. That happens less often as I've adjusted my own habits to minimize issues.

[Cloudy Days]

For my husband it's all about subject matter. He can watch the most gory movies and not bat an eye, even though they are so disgusting. I tried to have him watch legends of the fall and he totally lost it on me when Brad Pitt's brother died and he went all phyco and got revenge on the other side. We had to turn it off needless to say and he still won't attempt to watch the rest of it. It's one of my favorite movies so it took me by surprise. I think when he sees really emotional scenes he feels the emotions too.