Just Remembered Something Weird

[UmbrellaBoy]

In April, when my BPDex came down to visit, which is right around when things turned for the worst (though I managed to hold on for a few more months)... .he had to ask how I spell my last name! I've known the guy, been intimately involved with him... .for almost 3 years at that point. He obviously knew. I looked at him and was like "Are you kidding?" and he shrugged and insisted he needed to be told/reminded. I find it very hard to believe that this was a real lapse in memory and not some passive-aggressive message sent or weird subconscious thing going on with him devaluing me. Of course he'd know how to spell my name after 3 years (it's not a hard name, only 7 letters, very English, he saw it every day on facebook, etc etc) Odd odd odd. Was this part of the "devaluation" pathology, possibly? Anyone else have similar weird little moments like that?

[letmeout]

You nailed it with the devaluation thing.

[mitchell16]

mine did something simlar towards the end. I had a major surgery scar very noticable. and we was talking about it one night and she acted like she had never saw it. I never thought of it was devauling just could beleive she acted that way. we had talk about it bunches of times and she has even looked at it. But about a week away from the break up acted like she never saw it or heard of it.

[blurry]

"Bizarre" is the word that comes to my mind most often, whenever I'm thinking about things my pwBPD has said or done. I read and re-read the texts from her, dating back 7 months now and the shift from idealization to devaluation, over and over is shocking.

One odd thing with mine, occasionally (usually not long before a breakup), she would get this scowl on her face, and say really nastily, "you're such a negative fn person, you're making me miserable". Almost as if we'd just met. Mind you (regardless of whether i am negative, or positive) I'm the same exact guy she proposed to 13 months ago, again 6 months ago, and married 2 months ago, and since left. But the wierdest thing with her is the way she goes sorta in and out of... .idk, I guess its just the black and white thinking. The adoration one day followed by a breakup the next.

[letmeout]

I use to hash and rehash the craziness of it all. The bottom line was, dealing with this mental illness in someone you love sure can make you crazy.  I had to leave that all behind and I'm on my way to being sane again!

[mango_flower]

My ex and I were super close, best friends as well.

She knows I have green eyes, we often used to talk about the fact that if we ever had a baby, it'd have green eyes.  She often commented on my eyes.

We went from being completely in love, to broken up, within 6 weeks, where she was staying away and hanging out with somebody new.  She'd come back every few days (claiming she had to work away - I believed her, and could sense her slipping away but naively thought we'd get through it).

Anyway - one day she came back and gave me an early Christmas present of some makeup.  She told me it'd look nice on me as "you have blue eyes".  I was completely stunned and said "I have green eyes! You know that!".  She looked totally and utterly confused and bewildered, and took ages to reply, then said "Well sometimes they look blue" (erm... .no they don't).

I've since found out the girl she was hanging out with has blue eyes... .they're now engaged!

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach when she made the comment about me having blue eyes... .

None of this makes any sense to me, so I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had something similar happen!  Sucks though.

[SeekerofTruth]

I use to hash and rehash the craziness of it all.

Oh God, yes.  Part and parcel of the web.

[whatathing]

I think that makes sense: devaluing, plus the splitting defense mechanism. They aren't lying, they really forget it, but forgetting is a symptom of a fragmented self - the memories, emotions and even personality traits that were present during the romance phase are put behind, they "move" to another part of themselves. My uBPDexgf has problems remembering things of our past, it makes me feel very sad. If I tell her about something that was a very special moment, she goes like "yeah, I didn't remember that... .", things that were those kind of special exclusive shared significant moments that is what normal couples grow their bonds upon, she just forgets and puts behind. It's a mental illness, we really shouldn't take it personally, it's even ridiculous.