Champagne for my real friends, Real pain for my sham friends.

[peterparker]

I’ve been in no contact for almost a month now and I’m doing pretty good. Focusing on myself, going out with friends, reconnecting with who I was before the r/s.

I still tend to check the social networks and see that my uBPDex is in the throws of the honeymoon phase with my replacement. She's even making him shave like she guilt tripped me into doing. (I love my beard now). He lives 5 hours away, and she’ll be moving to be with him in a month. We’ll see how that goes:)

Anyway, I kinda screwed up tonight, but I’m being patient with myself.

I looked on a picture sharing site and saw my replacement wearing a knit hat that my ex made him, saying how awesome a girlfriend she is. Last christmas I asked her to make me one, and she said yes, but never started it, so it hurt to see him wearing it. Honestly, it’s an ugly hat, more of a girls design, so I laughed a little. Ha!

Something that I’ve been wondering for a while is this. Her girlfriends (only one or two of them) are always commenting on these pics, so supportive of the new relationship, and I wonder: Do they even know the truth about how this new r/s started? Or were they fed the same line that I was, that “we just didn’t work out. I wish we could have realized our deep love for each other, but we just couldn’t and it’s time to move on with our lives”.

If you’re wondering how the her new r/s started, if you know BPD, I probably don’t need to spell it out for you.

My friends know about most of the bad things I’ve done. They know about the pain I’ve caused other people, the regret I’ve felt over these actions and what I’ve done to try to become a better person. I guess then I have a second question. Are these really her friends if they don’t know how she treated me, and don’t know the truth about this new r/s?

[Dawning]

Well, eh, the answer can be short and sweet. An untreated person with BPD has no real friends because they have no real self.

[RecycledNoMore]

What Dawning said, my uBPDx changed his " friends" faster than he changed his undies, he just couldnt keep up the charade, occasionally hed declare his undying broship for one of them, but in the end the " bro" would tire of his mirroring, hed buy the same clothes, start listening to the same music, heck he even took the same career path, and heres the weirdest bit, when the " bro" would fight with his gf, the uBPDx would start a fight with me!, It got to a point where Id just say oh is RG having a fight with his gf, so predictable.

... .

[Bit Lost]

Love the Fall Out Boy quote for the title of this thread... .

My ex seemed to always fall out with his friends. I can remember he fell out with his "best friend" because he owed him £10... .I just thought to myself how trivial to fall out over something so small. If it was hundreds of pounds then I could understand but £10... .come on! He didn't speak to him for weeks... .!

[peterparker]

Thanks for sharing guys.

My ex would stop wanting to hang out with coworkers outside of work because they wronged her in some way at work. Even the people she spends time with now, she would paint black and refuse to hang out with at times because they didn't return her texts on a friday night when I had plans she refused to be a part of. She's had a couple of consistent friends for the last two years. Other childhood friends have been around for years, but they seem to enable her.

So do you think friends know about the cheating and lying that occurred when starting this new relationship?

[RecycledNoMore]

I often wondered this too, I think it depends on the kind of friendship, if they are enabling her, then yes they probably know, and just dont have the balls/ morals to care, you enable my bs, ill enable yours... .but if the friends are new, or transient, the BPD will probably have the " mask of normality" on, wanting to make a good impression, a good show you might say.

[Turkish]

Well, eh, the answer can be short and sweet. An untreated person with BPD has no real friends because they have no real self.

that's interesting.  mine has a few close friends she keeps in touch with,  but they live hours and states away.  they were originally  her co workers.  the one close friend from high school lives nit two miles from us and they hardly see  each other.  funny,  but my close friends  I've known over  twenty years I talk to all of the time.  if we lived in the same town like the old days,  I'd see then probably once a  week,  for sure every other week,  kids and careers notwithstanding. I  kind of shocked me when my x once called me a social butterfly. I  thought I  was quiet and reserved.  compared to her,  I'm the opposite! BPDs  typically don't trust anyone ( the whole " betrayal"  script that runs in their heads)  so this makes sense.

[Waifed]

Thanks for sharing guys.

My ex would stop wanting to hang out with coworkers outside of work because they wronged her in some way at work. Even the people she spends time with now, she would paint black and refuse to hang out with at times because they didn't return her texts on a friday night when I had plans she refused to be a part of. She's had a couple of consistent friends for the last two years. Other childhood friends have been around for years, but they seem to enable her.

So do you think friends know about the cheating and lying that occurred when starting this new relationship?

My ex had one good friend. They IM all day at work. Her friend is a trashy slut. I told my ex that you are what your friends are. She stared at me with a blank look on her face. Their friends are enablers.  My ex was shy and socially scared. Her friend would bring them in and ex would use her good looks to do the rest.

[allweareisallweare]

Love the Fall Out Boy quote for the title of this thread... .

My ex seemed to always fall out with his friends. I can remember he fell out with his "best friend" because he owed him £10... .I just thought to myself how trivial to fall out over something so small. If it was hundreds of pounds then I could understand but £10... .come on! He didn't speak to him for weeks... .!

I don't want to be pedantic but it's actually a Francis Bacon of multi-million-pound pricetag-art-fame quote - I imagine that Wentzy and co appropriated it for a song title... .?



My ex also had numerous 'public enemy number one' ex-friends - one who was legitimate since she actually had her day in court with her, who was henceforth referred to as The Bhit, and then there was a male who was frequently referred to as The Ass. I can sympathize with my ex re: The Bhit - but the male, I have no thoughts on. He was living with her and his gf who eventually came along or something - completely not as any kind of relationship, she claimed he was gay. Incidentally, on my ast ever night with the ex we walked out if a cafe bar and standing in the terrace was this male + his gf. It was if, if he really was a demon  , he put the curse on us   ATEOD he was living with someone with a severe mental health issue - as I had done when I would go there to her country, she to here - so it's hard to say. All I know is that my exDBPDgf was prone to hold petty grudges - they never understand that their emotional responses - in the wider world - aren't reasonable, she never apologized for her behavior once.

My ex said that her and the BPD rebound (ten days, record-breaking) were living together ... .as if that's not going to fall apart. Even in healthy relationships, such a fast move into a stressful situation as co-habitation is regarded as dangerous. But since I hold the rebound in as much contempt as the ex, I want the bomb to go off in both their faces,