Diagnosis - Complex PTSD

[bauers220]

Well I have my diagnosis... .not the first time in life diagnosed with PTSD - was when I was 15... .This is ALL tied to my childhood emotional issues... .Meet a BPD who verbally and emotionally abuses me... .and viola - I am smack dab in the middle of a relapse.

Conclusion?  If I dont' keep her out of my life... .it could cost me my sanity.

I have a lot of hard work to do... .but perhaps I am finally getting the help I needed myself... .so for that I am thankful  Probably the ONLY good thing she ever did for me.

[Grey Kitty]

I'd like to make a subtle point by rewording your conclusion to one I made about myself a while ago:

Conclusion?  If I dont' keep her toxic emotional drama out of my life... .it could cost me my sanity.

It is a harder job to keep a person's emotional crap out of your life than keep a person out of your life.

You can make a clean cut of everything.

You can keep their crap after you stop seeing them.

You can stay with them and not pick up their crap anymore.

[bauers220]

I am NC right now and believe this is the ONLY choice I have.  I cannot heal if she is there... .its just too toxic.  Nothing good can come from toxic soil... .time to replant. 

[Grey Kitty]

  Keep on healing my friend.

I haven't gone through a breakup like this myself... .and what I keep reading about it is that NC is the way to heal from it.

Where do you feel that you are now? Are you still holding on to toxic emotional baggage from her?

 GK

[bauers220]

Actually I am finally feeling the "progress" that others have told me they have been seeing... .I didn't "feel" like it until recently.  Though my NC with her is new - each day is actually brighter - and its nice to feel I can give full attention to my needs and heal from this instead of the distraction from her never ending waves.  In short this adrenaline junkie is happy to be off the roller coaster

[ucmeicu2]

I'd like to make a subtle point by rewording your conclusion to one I made about myself a while ago:

Conclusion?  If I dont' keep her toxic emotional drama out of my life... .it could cost me my sanity.

It is a harder job to keep a person's emotional crap out of your life than keep a person out of your life.

You can make a clean cut of everything.

You can keep their crap after you stop seeing them.

You can stay with them and not pick up their crap anymore.

subtle?  maybe.  profound and spot-on?  YES!  thank you so much.

i went NC but i kept all her emotional crap.  i kicked her out of my life but i couldn't kick her out of my head.  this BPDfam site has been a godsend for helping me to start doing that.  god bless you all.

[eyvindr]

The Grey Kat, dropping knowledge again!

And yep, ucmeicu2 --

i went NC but i kept all her emotional crap.  i kicked her out of my life but i couldn't kick her out of my head.  this BPDfam site has been a godsend for helping me to start doing that.  god bless you all.

That's the true challenge. And it's an ongoing one, daily at first, until it becomes less than daily. But still a challenge -- the "F.O.G." is thick and lingers.

[fromheeltoheal]

I was diagnosed with PTSD as well.  What has worked for me is to focus on the future, what I want it to look and feel like, and then taking steps in that direction, be it developing a friendship, reinforcing old ones, getting back in shape, buying new clothes, whatever, and then hanging on to that as I build from there.  Feeling like I was building a life from scratch the way I wanted was important, and it snowballs.  Take care of you!