my partner gets even more paranoid and on self destruct and more needy and more jealous and more unsure of herself in the week or so running up to her period. do others find this? and if you do - what helps as i find it very difficult to comunicate with her at this time without screaming.
Welcome to the forum!
Definitely read the Lessons:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0My undiagnosed BPD wife (common forum shorthand: uBPDw) for years has had skyrocketing emotional episodes on the week before the red tide. Just went though this right around Christmas, that was fun (and by "fun" I mean "sheer hell".
She's even aware of it... . but only after the flow starts and she calms somewhat. During the emotional dysregulation there is no stopping her.
I pursue a strategy of careful balance between being responsive and supportive... . but absolutely refusing to be drawn into arguments.
I have mantra songs I play in my head for self-calming, and I refuse to let the barbed wild nonsensical accusations get my anger response up. Instead of answering the loaded circular-argument questions, I ask her questions back about her feelings.
In the Lessons is the important point, "
Before it can get better stop making it worse." There's many tools like Validation, SET-UP, DEARMAN, etc, that we can employ to keep communication positive. They ALL depend upon keeping calm, you gotta self-care and self-regulate to the point where you keep your cool.
Hang in there... . you are not alone!
- Mono No Aware
