Charming

[robert4574]

Well, it's been almost 3 months of NC. I was starting to think that she would never try to reach out, but I knew it would happen eventually.

Her email last night verbatim:

"Hi.

I just realized, after calling you tonight, that you have me blocked. Not sure how long that has been the case but you've probably missed some texts. I just want to talk to you a little bit and see how you are... .Are you okay to have a conversation?"

It's funny because I told her she was going to be blocked. You will notice there is no mention of any apology, no remorse for all the pain she has caused. She is just going to pretend like nothing has happened. If I wasn't 100% sure she was mentally ill then I would think that she was showing some genuine concern for me; however, I know that this email isn't about me at all.

Surprisingly, I don't have the urge to respond. Two months ago would have been a complete different story, but thanks to this board I have the knowledge and the strength to resist. I'm definitely in a better place now: meeting new people, laughing, smiling. There are triggers sometimes, but I notice them starting to fade.

She can't stand the silence and I know it. My only concern is that this email is just the start.

[Gmoney]

Way to be strong. It amazes me that we all dated/married the same people who say and do the same things.

So blessed to have found this place.

[freedom33]

I have been NC for 3 weeks and your ex's email almost triggered me robert. It could have been written by my ex... .Scary. Really scary.

[robert4574]

Lame - I just got another email

"Can I get the rest of my stuff?"

That is ALL it said. There is no stuff that I am aware of. You have been moved out since May. She's good. I want to respond so bad, but i'm not.

[robert4574]

If I were to respond it would simply say:

"Any remnants of your existence in my life has been disposed of"

[freedom33]

I got a text from mine (NC 3 weeks now) asking to meet up for a chat and that she needs 'some' of her stuff back (she has left here a few dresses and a pair of shoes). I said I will bring all of your stuff back (i.e. this is it). She didn't respond. Then sent an outrageous email to which I didn't respond. Then she sent a text cancelling the drop off of her stuff without suggesting an alternative - a bit like 'can i get the rest of my stuff?' Nonsensical spasmodic messages... .

I think this form of communication that let's you hanging, wondering what the hell is happening and ultimately prompts you to interact on their terms is a form of BPD control. Used to drive me crazy. So glad I am out of this mind torturing game.

How long have you been with yours?

[robert4574]

I got a text from mine (NC 3 weeks now) asking to meet up for a chat and that she needs 'some' of her stuff back (she has left here a few dresses and a pair of shoes). I said I will bring all of your stuff back (i.e. this is it). She didn't respond. Then sent an outrageous email to which I didn't respond. Then she sent a text cancelling the drop off of her stuff without suggesting an alternative - a bit like 'can i get the rest of my stuff?' Nonsensical spasmodic messages... .

I think this form of communication that let's you hanging, wondering what the hell is happening and ultimately prompts you to interact on their terms is a form of BPD control. Used to drive me crazy. So glad I am out of this mind torturing game.

How long have you been with yours?

I was with her for 3 years and we lived together for about 2.5 of them. Funny thing is I would have never known about BPD or that she has it unless she told me to my face and I saw the diagnosis papers. I remember talking to my therapist and she said that it is rare that BPDs disclose their disorder. She ended up sabotaging the relationship so bad that it was the last card she could play for sympathy. At first I was like, wow she is suffering for a mental disorder and immediately thought I could still fix it. Unfortunately, you can't. I've done enough research to know and I'm in acceptance.

To get back to the point. I can't even think of anything she has at my place. Even if there were things, I wouldn't respond. When it was finally over, I pretty much let her take whatever the hell she wanted so I wouldn't have to deal with her coming back. Took me almost a month to actually get the extra set of keys back.

I can already see this escalating though... .It's bad enough that she tore me to pieces she wants to come back and cut me just before the stitches are coming off.

[myself]

It's just like the game my ex would play.

She cares (not really). Just wants her stuff (not really).

It's all about getting a reaction from you.

If you're done, be done. Block her the rest of the way.

Continue not responding.

Continue moving forward. Don't go backwards.

[freedom33]

It's all about getting a reaction from you.

That's exactly right. They are just testing, testing, testing all the time whether in a rs or not, testing your boundaries, testing what sort of reaction they can elicit, testing how much you are willing to give in.