The psychology of posting and liking quotes for a BPD

[bungenstein]

Leading on from another thread, it seems a lot of people on here have BPDex's who post a lot of quotes, mine mainly posts love quotes and quotes about being best friends, she never did this the 14 months we were together. Why do they do this? I mean for me, (but I am a non), the happier I was and the more in love I was the less likely I would be to do such a thing, not that I am the sort of person to post quotes anyway, had a ever felt any incling to do anything like that in the past it would be to make a point, to make myself feel better.

[coolioqq]

... . not that I am the sort of person to post quotes anyway, had a ever felt any incling to do anything like that in the past it would be to make a point, to make myself feel better.

They do it for this same reason. About a year ago I asked a woman out after we were introduced by a mutual friend. We connected on FB and started exchanging messages. Things were going well. What I noticed at the time was her page had literally nothing but quotes - she was religious so most were about that. Almost all of those revolved around the soulmate idea. She was very enthusiastic in her communication. I had no idea about borderline traits back then, but she did idealize me in those messages, based on the things I said. Being very spiritual myself, I remember that her FB persona built up around all those quotes was quite unusual. I could tell that she'd post quotes to make herself feel better, but some were direct projections of her struggles.

Anyway, we agreed to go out on a date (we met in person a couple of times before FB messaging started). Cool, I was ready to set up a date. She did not respond for a day. I said, whatever, she is busy... . I get my response a day after - a 180-degree turnaround. The message was frantic, for the lack of a better word, but she acknowledged that I am going to find her message "weird, but I don't even know why" especially because she openly liked me and was very attracted to my style of expression (she said that.) I sent a response a day after affirming her current feelings about it, called it all fine... . I pointed out (again not knowing about BPD then) that people have bad days, and should her feelings change in the near future, she should feel free to get in touch with me. She read the message that night - did not respond. She just shared with her FB friends that she is in a spa giving herself the things she deserved (by the way, a complete opposite of the humble and low-key life she was communicating by the way of numerous quotes.) Then about half an hour later she deactivated her FB - not blocked me. I was pretty surprised with the intensity of her behavior - things were going well, I asked her on a date (to which she initially agreed immediately), then all those things happened... . I left it alone... . She got back on FB about a month later and, you guessed it right, the whole quote parade continues. She never blovked me though, but I forgot about the whole thing. Our mutual friend was very surprised with her behavior too as he knew her as quite reasonable. If you change your mind about a date or decide not to pursue it, you simply say so in a polite manner, no? Her frantic message and behavior afterwards was at least borderline, but who knows... . So, I decided to stay away from too-many-quotes women.

My dBPDexgf girlfriend actually posted a quote from a book with a transgressional theme. I only found about it after the break-up. It was a literary definition of heavy BPD with which (as she said along the quote) she identified completely. She added though that she feels all of that despite the fact that she is shy and reclusive (i.e. Acknowledging that she is a waif/hermit.) I found about the author of the quote, and his themes of transgression have a cult following among people with mental disorders because the author promoted an idea that people with mental disorders are actually more sane than the rest of the society - they and their often reckless way of life is just so misunderstood... . While I don't burn midnight oil thinking about who is sane and who is not, my ex clearly used literature to justify her illness instead of helping herself.

I am very literary myself, and have a decent sense for expression. But I learned to be careful with the people communicating solely in quotes. I concluded that they often look gor validation in them rather than a challenge, as most intelligent quotes are intended to be. Your mileage with your exes may vary, but ai wanted to give my .02 here.

[bungenstein]

... . not that I am the sort of person to post quotes anyway, had a ever felt any incling to do anything like that in the past it would be to make a point, to make myself feel better.

I am very literary myself, and have a decent sense for expression. But I learned to be careful with the people communicating solely in quotes. I concluded that they often look gor validation in them rather than a challenge, as most intelligent quotes are intended to be. Your mileage with your exes may vary, but ai wanted to give my .02 here.

So basically you think, the psychology behind posting them is to back up inside of them whatever the quote is implying, therefore having a need to post the quote, then that particular quote is something they are lacking, so this lack is something they constantly need to reaffirm in their minds to validate themselves as to not feel bad?

[coolioqq]

... . not that I am the sort of person to post quotes anyway, had a ever felt any incling to do anything like that in the past it would be to make a point, to make myself feel better.

I am very literary myself, and have a decent sense for expression. But I learned to be careful with the people communicating solely in quotes. I concluded that they often look gor validation in them rather than a challenge, as most intelligent quotes are intended to be. Your mileage with your exes may vary, but ai wanted to give my .02 here.

So basically you think, the psychology behind posting them is to back up inside of them whatever the quote is implying, therefore having a need to post the quote, then that particular quote is something they are lacking, so this lack is something they constantly need to reaffirm in their minds to validate themselves as to not feel bad?

Yep, that sums it up well. That has been my experience. As I said, my ex went a step further and immersed herself in the type of literature that glorifies mental illnesses as the higher state of being that is simply misunderstood in our time... . The specific quote she identified herself with was an epitome of BPD, in a quite rebellious manner as if it was a privilege rather than a disorder. I'll let others be the judges of how healthy of an approach that is to solving own problems... .

After much reflection on our conversations, I realized that my ex was actually in love with her illness. She actively seeks it in all forms of art. She compulsively reads BPD books and resources. That's her entire life. The music she listens to is very in line with BPD (some tracks even have a word 'borderline' in them. When we discussed and viewed visual art together, she was visibly drawn to characters and scenes reflecting her nature (we all do this by the way). So, literary and artistic preferences, beyond merely quotes, seem to be a good indicator of one's own mental health... .

[Cardinals in Flight]

Leading on from another thread, it seems a lot of people on here have BPDex's who post a lot of quotes, mine mainly posts love quotes and quotes about being best friends, she never did this the 14 months we were together. Why do they do this? I mean for me, (but I am a non), the happier I was and the more in love I was the less likely I would be to do such a thing, not that I am the sort of person to post quotes anyway, had a ever felt any incling to do anything like that in the past it would be to make a point, to make myself feel better.

Some pwBPD are just empty people, they need validation by others' words.  I think it's kind of gamey, but that's just me.

CiF

[DownandOut]

My uBPDexgf loved posting quotes too. Accordingly, when we b/u she posted a quote that said "True Love is Not Found, It's Built"   I found this to be so ridiculous because she was the one that did all the love-bombing, and pushing to say "I love you" so early in the r/s. There's only one word I could think of - Projection.

[bungenstein]

My uBPDexgf loved posting quotes too. Accordingly, when we b/u she posted a quote that said "True Love is Not Found, It's Built"   I found this to be so ridiculous because she was the one that did all the love-bombing, and pushing to say "I love you" so early in the r/s. There's only one word I could think of - Projection.

So projection in this case, is they are projecting what they WANT, not what they HAVE?

[DownandOut]

My uBPDexgf loved posting quotes too. Accordingly, when we b/u she posted a quote that said "True Love is Not Found, It's Built"   I found this to be so ridiculous because she was the one that did all the love-bombing, and pushing to say "I love you" so early in the r/s. There's only one word I could think of - Projection.

So projection in this case, is they are projecting what they WANT, not what they HAVE?

I would say that by putting that up for me to see was her projecting what she knows deep down, but would never admit to herself because she knows she's the one who pushed the r/s as fast as it went. I was basically a passenger on the high-speed crazy train and, unfortunately, when the brakes were applied the impact left me severely injured.

[Mutt]

My uBPDexgf loved posting quotes too. Accordingly, when we b/u she posted a quote that said "True Love is Not Found, It's Built"   I found this to be so ridiculous because she was the one that did all the love-bombing, and pushing to say "I love you" so early in the r/s. There's only one word I could think of - Projection.

So projection in this case, is they are projecting what they WANT, not what they HAVE?

Projection is a common defense mechanism with people, BPD take this a step further. It's rejecting undesirable traits, behaviors, actions about oneself and attributing it to someone else.

I'm separated, single and I have 50/50 custody of my kids. My wife has a boyfriend, she presented him to the kids quickly after separation, he spends a lot of time with all of them.

I clearly recall a recent example of projection with my wife. For a couple of months or so, it was always difficult getting S2 ready for mom's, 20 minutes prior to leaving he would kick a fuss, complain, sometimes display tantrums, he did not want to return home.

D8 commented that he often cried for dad, and asked mom when is it time to go to dad's? This reaction was due to the amount of attention that I was giving to the kids and my spouse's distractions, lack of attention. Mom was more focused on her new lover. I was concerned about my son's emotional needs. I told her, the kids are having difficulties, especially the little one and his refusal to return home, I think that they are not getting enough attention. What feelings did I trigger with my critique? Likely, shame and guilt. Her response "S2 does the exact same thing when it's time for him to go to your house, Mutt" I know my D8 is telling the truth, I witnessed the behaviors first hand with my youngest, it was the way that she worded it, turned it around, "projected" an unpleasant behavior / feeling. There was no truth in what she was claiming.

It can be tricky to detect, slipping us by, but it's rejecting unpleasant feelings, actions, and behaviors.

[Narellan]

So my ex posted yesterday " you can't move on with tomorrow if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk" . Anyone care to share on this one? I felt sick and felt he was referring to me as yesterday's junk. And that he is/ has moved on.

[Turkish]

Some pwBPD are just empty people, they need validation by others' words.  I think it's kind of gamey, but that's just me.

CiF

Validation. Exactly. That is what pwBPD crave, being unable to validate (or Parent) themselves.

Back in October, shortly before I blocked her,.mine posted a meme from TeenDistrict (mind you, this was a 31 year old professional woman and mother of two), something like "if you aren't taking care of your woman, there's always someone willing to step in and do your job."

She has lots of friends (not close ones, typical of a pwBPD), and a lot of family. She didn't get a single like. Her narc traits caused her to not key in on that though. I couldn't stand the backhanded devaluations, so I blocked her, even though she lived with me for three more months. FB=Forever Block.

[blissful_camper]

So my ex posted yesterday " you can't move on with tomorrow if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk" . Anyone care to share on this one? I felt sick and felt he was referring to me as yesterday's junk. And that he is/ has moved on.

Hi Narellan,

That post of his merely reflects his inner dialog.  Who knows what he was thinking about when he posted it.  He may not have been referring to you.  In his mind, yesterday's junk could be symbolic of the emotional baggage he carries around, rather than it representing a person. 

When I felt emotionally raw and had a lot of unanswered questions, I looked for things to find answers to try to make some sense of what I had experienced.  Facebook was a trigger for me. That's why I blocked my ex and my replacement. In fact I blocked half of the small town where they live  to insulate myself from seeing things that would be painful for me.  I knew that if I didn't block, it would delay my own healing.  I know how hard it is but when you're ready you may want to take similar action.  Have faith that everything will turn out as it's meant to.  Trust that, and trust yourself. 

[Narellan]

Thank you BC. Yes that gives it another perspective . I did take it personally. I deactivated my FB account over a week ago, but had a relapse a couple nights ago and reactivated to sneak a look. Wish I hadn't and will try not to again. If I'd stayed on FB and blocked the 2 of them he would've enjoyed that reaction, and she would've known I was suspicious of them. Plus mutual friends everywhere so they'd both be popping up. I'm over FB. Will stay off it, and on here instead

[bungenstein]

Some pwBPD are just empty people, they need validation by others' words.  I think it's kind of gamey, but that's just me.

CiF

Validation. Exactly. That is what pwBPD crave, being unable to validate (or Parent) themselves.

Back in October, shortly before I blocked her,.mine posted a meme from TeenDistrict (mind you, this was a 31 year old professional woman and mother of two), somthing like "if you aren't taking care of your woman, there's always someone willing to step in and do your job."

She has lots of friends (not close ones, typical of ahe pwBPD), and a lot of family. She didn't get a single like. Her narc traits caused her to not key in on that though. I couldn't stand the backhanded devaluations, so I blocked her, even though she lived with me for three more months. FB=Forever Block.

So does validation work, in that, she finds a quote that summarises something she wants or is lacking, something that she needs the public to see and approve of, because if they don't, she has no way of feeling the way the quote describes, as its a fantasy. By making it public the validation makes her feel that it is more likely true for her?

[Narellan]

Well my ex best friend( who is looking like being my replacement ) has made her cover photo " a woman needs to be both classy and fabulous" what a joke that is! Only got a couple of likes. She is neither of these things. Yes, it's all class to be sleeping with other women's husbands and boyfriends, and I do mean that in a plural sense. And add my Ex BPD to the list. And all behind everyone's back. So very classy. And fabulous? Please... . The woman is a cleaner FFS. Been nowhere and done nothing with her life.

Well, boy that escalated quickly... . Sorry about that. It seems I might be a tad angry after all . FB gives me the ___$. People don't know how to be honest, and who's going to call them on it anyway? You can pretend to be whoever you want to be, no one has a clue.

[blissful_camper]

Well my ex best friend( who is looking like being my replacement ) has made her cover photo " a woman needs to be both classy and fabulous" what a joke that is! Only got a couple of likes. She is neither of these things. Yes, it's all class to be sleeping with other women's husbands and boyfriends, and I do mean that in a plural sense. And add my Ex BPD to the list. And all behind everyone's back. So very classy. And fabulous? Please... . The woman is a cleaner FFS. Been nowhere and done nothing with her life.

Well, boy that escalated quickly... . Sorry about that. It seems I might be a tad angry after all . FB gives me the$. People don't know how to be honest, and who's going to call them on it anyway? You can pretend to be whoever you want to be, no one has a clue.

If a person can't be real in real time, they aren't gonna be real on Facebook either.  It's called image crafting.  Maybe your friend realizes on some level that she's not those things. 

[suffering_parent]

Hmm this is interesting my ex is always posting those things on facebook too.   I have considered it a red flag whenever I see someone who posts a ton of those things now.   Her latest:

"The ones who love you will never leave you   Even if there are a hundred reasons to give up; they will find one reason to hold on."

[Turkish]

Hmm this is interesting my ex is always posting those things on facebook too.   I have considered it a red flag whenever I see someone who posts a ton of those things now.   Her latest:

"The ones who love you will never leave you   Even if there are a hundred reasons to give up; they will find one reason to hold on."

One of my favorite threads on this site is the one on Emotional Immaturity. (AJ Mahari's comments are a great insight into the mind of a BPD.)

4. Egocentricity: Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It’s major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can’t have his own way.

[Lamaiel]

I would be careful with trying to interpret social media, blogs, quotes, and trying to apply it to a person's state of mind.  Many people post quotes and sayings that have little relation to what is actually going on their lives.  I do this all the time on my Tumblr page... . I posted a Frank Sinatra quote today... . so what?

Don't over analyze/over-think and try to relate social media postings to your exBPD... . it only serves to muddy the waters and you will create something where there is nothing.

[GreenMango]

I would be careful with trying to interpret social media, blogs, quotes, and trying to apply it to a person's state of mind.  Many people post quotes and sayings that have little relation to what is actually going on their lives.  I do this all the time on my Tumblr page... . I posted a Frank Sinatra quote today... . so what?

Don't over analyze/over-think and try to relate social media postings to your exBPD... . it only serves to muddy the waters and you will create something where there is nothing.

My thoughts exactly.   Many folks post quotes.  Trying to mind read them like they are subliminal messages makes for trouble.

[laelle]

I would be careful with trying to interpret social media, blogs, quotes, and trying to apply it to a person's state of mind.  Many people post quotes and sayings that have little relation to what is actually going on their lives.  I do this all the time on my Tumblr page... . I posted a Frank Sinatra quote today... . so what?

Don't over analyze/over-think and try to relate social media postings to your exBPD... . it only serves to muddy the waters and you will create something where there is nothing.

Lamaiel explained it quite accurately... . you cant apply everything your ex does as BPD related.  I post "inspirational" quotes on my FB all the time.  It means nothing more than I thought the quote was inspirational, or I liked the picture on the front of it.  Yes, I do post alot of things about not letting someone use me ever again... . its my FB page, and I can post what I want. 

[Lamaiel]

you cant apply everything your ex does as BPD related.  I post "inspirational" quotes on my FB all the time.  It means nothing more than I thought the quote was inspirational, or I liked the picture on the front of it.  Yes, I do post alot of things about not letting someone use me ever again... . its my FB page, and I can post what I want. 

Sometimes we get so focused on BPD on this forum that we forget that pwBPD are still human beings and do normal things like shower, eat fast food, and yes post things on social media.  I feel perspective is lost sometimes when we hyper analyze every behavior they exhibit and feel the need to attribute it to a disorder.

I've seen posts about BPDs driving over the speed limit, laughing too much/little, etc... . again I feel it will muddy the waters and distract us from more fundamental issues.

[Narellan]

I've been with my ex BPD when he's been posting on FB, and he's made comments like " that will really pi$$ them off" and I'm going to post this cos I know she'll hate it, and when he gets a reaction he's excited and posts something further to aggravate people. He asked if he could post a photo of me and I said a firm no way ( nude pic). 3 weeks into NC he posted it. So I had to break NC and call him to remove it. I think my ex has narcissistic  traits also. Do when I see him post stuff about freeing his hands of yesterday's junk, I know it's a message he wants me to see. I've deactivated my FB now to get out of his hurtful game.

[coolioqq]

... . not that I am the sort of person to post quotes anyway, had a ever felt any incling to do anything like that in the past it would be to make a point, to make myself feel better.

They do it for this same reason. About a year ago I asked a woman out after we were introduced by a mutual friend. We connected on FB and started exchanging messages. Things were going well. What I noticed at the time was her page had literally nothing but quotes - she was religious so most were about that. Almost all of those revolved around the soulmate idea. She was very enthusiastic in her communication. I had no idea about borderline traits back then, but she did idealize me in those messages, based on the things I said. Being very spiritual myself, I remember that her FB persona built up around all those quotes was quite unusual. I could tell that she'd post quotes to make herself feel better, but some were direct projections of her struggles.

Anyway, we agreed to go out on a date (we met in person a couple of times before FB messaging started). Cool, I was ready to set up a date. She did not respond for a day. I said, whatever, she is busy... . I get my response a day after - a 180-degree turnaround. The message was frantic, for the lack of a better word, but she acknowledged that I am going to find her message "weird, but I don't even know why" especially because she openly liked me and was very attracted to my style of expression (she said that.) I sent a response a day after affirming her current feelings about it, called it all fine... . I pointed out (again not knowing about BPD then) that people have bad days, and should her feelings change in the near future, she should feel free to get in touch with me. She read the message that night - did not respond. She just shared with her FB friends that she is in a spa giving herself the things she deserved (by the way, a complete opposite of the humble and low-key life she was communicating by the way of numerous quotes.) Then about half an hour later she deactivated her FB - not blocked me. I was pretty surprised with the intensity of her behavior - things were going well, I asked her on a date (to which she initially agreed immediately), then all those things happened... . I left it alone... . She got back on FB about a month later and, you guessed it right, the whole quote parade continues. She never blovked me though, but I forgot about the whole thing. Our mutual friend was very surprised with her behavior too as he knew her as quite reasonable. If you change your mind about a date or decide not to pursue it, you simply say so in a polite manner, no? Her frantic message and behavior afterwards was at least borderline, but who knows... . So, I decided to stay away from too-many-quotes women.

My dBPDexgf girlfriend actually posted a quote from a book with a transgressional theme. I only found about it after the break-up. It was a literary definition of heavy BPD with which (as she said along the quote) she identified completely. She added though that she feels all of that despite the fact that she is shy and reclusive (i.e. Acknowledging that she is a waif/hermit.) I found about the author of the quote, and his themes of transgression have a cult following among people with mental disorders because the author promoted an idea that people with mental disorders are actually more sane than the rest of the society - they and their often reckless way of life is just so misunderstood... . While I don't burn midnight oil thinking about who is sane and who is not, my ex clearly used literature to justify her illness instead of helping herself.

I am very literary myself, and have a decent sense for expression. But I learned to be careful with the people communicating solely in quotes. I concluded that they often look gor validation in them rather than a challenge, as most intelligent quotes are intended to be. Your mileage with your exes may vary, but ai wanted to give my .02 here.

Ha! Funny thing happened today, not related to my dBPDexgf, but the woman I described in the post above. The friend that I mentioned above visited today and told me how this woman (he is her cousin) sent him a text on April 1st (The Fools Day) how I and her hooked up and are dating! My friend was quite happy to hear that so he replied. She said: 'gotcha, it's April 1st! hahaha' He couldn't believe what happened there. Just to reiterate, she called off the date and the whole thing happened about a year ago... . He didn't talk to her about me in since then, pretty much. Her joke was bizarre even to him - he texted her back saying that. Then he told me that she probably wants to hook up again, but now he too thinks that she is acting wacky... . Of course, I told him I won't pursue anything there - put a lid on that whole weird situation back then... But looking at her FB quotes (she still maintains this religious persona on there), and the themes she is going with and the bizarre joke... . I have no idea - I do have a strong history attracting women with mental disorders - and I've been always described as boringly normal... .

Anyway, just wanted to add to this discussion with that. Weird timing with me remembering her and writing about it here, and finding out about her "joke" from my friend today... .

[Narellan]

Hahaha that is really weird. Last week when I had an anger moment I posted something about wanting to expose my ex best friends ( now my replacement) secret affairs. Only a few hours later she text me saying " please don't expose my secrets" . I actually got a bit paranoid then that she'd found me on here and read my posts. Someone said it was " the timing fairy" who knows what it was but it's weird sometimes how things happen out of the blue.

[Turkish]

Hahaha that is really weird. Last week when I had an anger moment I posted something about wanting to expose my ex best friends ( now my replacement) secret affairs. Only a few hours later she text me saying " please don't expose my secrets" . I actually got a bit paranoid then that she'd found me on here and read my posts. Someone said it was " the timing fairy" who knows what it was but it's weird sometimes how things happen out of the blue.

Sounds suspicious. Have you blocked her and mutual friends on FB?

[Narellan]

I'm not on FB I deactivated it. I posted that comment on here. And there's not much chance she' ll be bothered registering then going through all the boards and posts to find me. I thought about deleting some of my posts but think that's overreacting. In the scheme of things now I don't give a toss really, I'm speaking the truth after all , she's the one living a lie.

[GlitterBug]

Awesome topic!

Have been detaching from my best friend/sister since she has painted me Black and although she isn't aware that I can still see her Twitter feed, I have noticed a huge number of quotes and 'self idolization' flying around.

Most telling of all I think is the fact that she gas lit a situation with me which I did unfortunately react to which has culminated in the ultimate black out; I've seen quotes such as:

''I have enough about myself to take accountability for me actions even if lesser people don't''

I would assume the 'lesser person' she is referring to is me.

Another beauty was:

'':)on't expect so much from others because you would do that much for them''

Hilarious really when considered I had always gone well above and beyond the call of duty for her on countless occassions

Another which was very difficult to read was:

''Some people you lose aren't a loss''

Yeah, that one burned like a b*tch! complete devaluation

Predominantly her posts are about people 'not taking accountability' for their actions, I would assume by this that she expects me at some point to throw my arms up in the air, agree that it was all my doing and beg for her love and forgiveness.

I think alot of quotes posted like this are wither justifications to the outside world (even if it is just social media), a type of smoke screen to give the world a version of themselves they would like other people to see and all of it is littered with tonnes of projections about themselves - perhaps the PWBPD would rather depict the non as an unaccountable coward who held no value as opposed to accepting this may be a feeling they actually hold about themselves.

Just a thought.

[bungenstein]

Whats interesting is that it seems a lot of pwBPD post these quotes, I don't know anyone else that does this, only my exBPD, they must NEED to, out of desperation for  validation.