self doubt

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

though, i am aware of what she was doing to me during the whole relationship and i am realizing it even better day by day as i am maintaining no contact. my therapist even told me that she has strong BPD traits. i recall the idealization (even during this stage i felt some acting is going on in her voice tone when she was giving me attention and during sex) traingulation (meeting her ex bf in hotels) projection (you are selfish, you are childish) belittling comments. we are from different religions (a problem in my region), she is older by 3 years and she is divorced and had 2 abortions. I am even moving to another country in a month yet i still want her and i still find some hope in this ! what is wrong with me ?

[antjs]

though, i am aware of what she was doing to me during the whole relationship and i am realizing it even better day by day as i am maintaining no contact. my therapist even told me that she has strong BPD traits. i recall the idealization (even during this stage i felt some acting is going on in her voice tone when she was giving me attention and during sex) traingulation (meeting her ex bf in hotels) projection (you are selfish, you are childish) belittling comments. we are from different religions (a problem in my region), she is older by 3 years and she is divorced and had 2 abortions. I am even moving to another country in a month yet i still want her and i still find some hope in this ! what is wrong with me ?

[LettingGo14]

I am even moving to another country in a month yet i still want her and i still find some hope in this ! what is wrong with me ?

Absolutely nothing is "wrong" with you.

I mean that.

I felt so broken when I stumbled into this community.  Then I realized I wasn't alone.   And I saw my story in others' stories.  And I started to let myself feel the pain of loss.   And, I started to ask myself if it was really the end of the world.

Keep reading, keep posting, and give yourself a break.  It's is hard, and it is a process, but this is where we start.

[fromheeltoheal]

what is wrong with me ?  Disempowering question.  Better to ask what beliefs do/did you have about yourself, her, and the relationship that made it OK to put up with what you did, and also to ask what you ignored, like your gut feel, and forged ahead anyway, and why did you do that?  Fertile field for growth there, the gift of the relationship, and remember, a borderline is disordered, we were injured by that disorder, but an injury can heal; we may be injured but we are never broken.