Court Tomorrow : Settlement Round 1

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So we're in Court tomorrow to determine interim orders for settlement. Her interim application is that I get evicted from the house I'm living in so she can continue to rent it and solely manage the sale of it by being appointed my trustee as if I'm mentally incapacitated. She's been renting out two houses for ten months and pocketing the rent but now she is offering to put the rent into our mortgage account, the way it used to be. She could have done that for the last ten months but chose to keep the rent money instead. I don't charge her rent for the house she's living in but I'm not to live in any of our houses. That sense of entitlement is just staggering.

The final orders that she seeks is that she gets 100%.

I have a restraining order against her and in her latest statement she admits to coming to my home and putting her key in the door, complaining that I had the locks changed. I'm tempted to report the breach of the restraining order to the police and have her arrested but then she will lose her job and her kids rely on her.

My application is that we sell all property and divide the cash. Until they're sold, we each live in our respective homes. Maybe I'm being too reasonable but let's see what the court decides.

[Aussie0zborn]

So we're in Court tomorrow to determine interim orders for settlement. Her interim application is that I get evicted from the house I'm living in so she can continue to rent it and solely manage the sale of it by being appointed my trustee as if I'm mentally incapacitated. She's been renting out two houses for ten months and pocketing the rent but now she is offering to put the rent into our mortgage account, the way it used to be. She could have done that for the last ten months but chose to keep the rent money instead. I don't charge her rent for the house she's living in but I'm not to live in any of our houses. That sense of entitlement is just staggering.

The final orders that she seeks is that she gets 100%.

I have a restraining order against her and in her latest statement she admits to coming to my home and putting her key in the door, complaining that I had the locks changed. I'm tempted to report the breach of the restraining order to the police and have her arrested but then she will lose her job and her kids rely on her.

My application is that we sell all property and divide the cash. Until they're sold, we each live in our respective homes. Maybe I'm being too reasonable but let's see what the court decides.

[Forward2free]

Depending on where you are in Aus, court can be a really disappointing experience.

I have only ever negotiated in the little rooms outside of the court and my barristers and lawyers over the last 4 years were unwavering in recommending that we come to our own arrangement instead of leaving decisions to the court.

I literally have spent A$140,000+ and have been to court 3 times for divorce & property and 12 times for children's matters and have never been on the stand. A lot of these dates were bumped because previous cases went on too long and we were sent home from court - still paying court and barrister fees on the way.

Be prepared to ask for more to ensure you get what you want. I started out being considerate and reasonable and was hung out to dry.

These days, I ask for what I deserve and listen to my barristers. They live and breathe this stuff and unfortunately, they are usually right and no one walks out feeling satisfied.

I hope you have a good result that will be fair for you both.

[Mudmom]

I hope you held your own in court. One thing I know is that the court system is overwhelmed, cutbacks in state and county funding often mean there are fewer judges than needed. Delays and postponements are par for the course. What seems to be forgotten is that one party is always hurt more than the other as proceedings drag on. Keep good records. Don't delete any texts  or emails, take screen shots if possible to back up and email them to yourself. If an event happens write a description immediately to keep the details clear. Maybe I am saying what you already know, but judges want proof and paper records of deposits, spending, conversations, texts, emails, are very necessary.

[livednlearned]

I agree with Forever2Free --

Ask for more than what you think is reasonable. That will give you some room to negotiate. Otherwise, you will have to negotiate between your reasonable offer and her entitled one.

Also, most of these settlement issues go on and on and on and just get more and more entitled and weird. In our initial settlement offer, I gave N/BPDx the house, and then had to take him to court three times to get him to refinance. It took two years of continuances before I was finally removed from the title. I still can't believe I had to pay legal fees to give him the house  . At one point, he tried to stick me with the home equity loan (claiming the mortgage was separate). He was over 20 months past the date he was supposed to refi, and he blamed me for having to go with a new offer that cost him $100 extra a month. He gets the house, takes two years to refi it, tries to pull a fast one on the refi that costs him the deal, and then wanted me pay him for his losses.

So ask for more and maybe you'll get it -- and be prepared to have to go back to court to get her to comply with whatever she agreed to.

Ask your lawyer if it's the way F2Free describes -- how likely will your case go before a judge? If it isn't likely, then pace yourself. Whatever you decide, have very clear consequences for non-compliance. At least in my court (US), my judge seems to appreciate that the consequences were spelled out. He likes that people agree to things, and agree to what will happen if one party doesn't comply. Hasn't kept us out of court, but it has made it more likely for the judge to rule in my favor.

And if I remember correctly, didn't you have some proof that she broke into your place? Even if you don't plan to have her arrested, this is (unfortunately) something that might convince her to negotiate for a fair deal. She doesn't have to know that you won't prosecute her. Use it as leverage to get the reasonable deal you want.

If your ex has a lot of narcissistic traits, she may not be able to reason unless there are serious consequences, like being arrested. That's the only thing that my ex seems to respect and he is very narcissistic.

[sanemom]

There is just no telling with the court system.  I DO wish that the courts would just figure out who is high conflict and give those cases the "fast pass" so to speak--the pass where they just go to court and let the judges decide instead of piecemeal settlements.  It is like you just have to decide you are going to lose money no matter what... .

[ugghh]

Aussie, how did your court date go?  Hopefully you are not homeless... .  

[Mudmom]

Hey Aussie--When I joined bpdfamily a few days ago, I read your post on my iPhone and tried to answer from it. (My BPD husband has multiple computers, I have none.)  Didn't enlarge every part of the field and missed that you were writing from somewhere else on our planet!  On the other hand, both American and Australian law originate from the same source, so I guess advice about evidence and keeping records still stands. I hope your court date was more positive for you than for her.