i am not going to be angry at a child

[antjs]

ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER !


yes i am angry and its amount is sabotaging my soul. but who i should be angry at ? her, the child captured in an adult body. i can not be angry at her. i just can not ! i can not blame her. i can not blame myself for all of it. i needed the idealization as much as she did.

its irreversible and doomed and yes i am talking about her disorder. there is nothing anyone can do anything about it except for her. i am getting over a disorder. i am getting over a disorder. wait what ? a disorder ! where is it ? how long is it ? what does it look like ? blonde or brunette ? how can i even be angry at something not physical. I know a lot about it and its really the nastiest thing i have ever known about, but its not physical. how can i be angry at it ? get a pillow and write BPD on it and beat the crap out of it ? objectively, she has nothing to do. she is a body driven by a disorder. AND THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH this is tormenting. I wish the illusion of "healthy her" would be standing next to me watching the "sick her" and what she was doing.  nobody really understands. friends, family,... . etc except people here why ? cause they have seen the beast. they have been at war against it. as Tausk always say the disorder always wins.

[OutOfEgypt]

Hey man,

I'm sorry you are struggling so badly.  I have been, too.  It comes and goes, but sometimes I still get swept up into it.  Are you talking to a T?  It has helped me a lot.  I actually saw mine yesterday, and he helped me get back on course.

Why can't you be angry at her?  I'm angry at my ex.  You can call it a disorder all day long, but it is still her.  It is how she is.  And she is responsible for it.  Yes, there is a huge degree to which she is blind to how she is, but still.  She is doing it, and somewhere inside she knows she is like this.  I pictured it like this.  My ex has been "kidnapped" by a group of men in ski-masks driving a big black van.  I feel like she's been taken away.  Yet, as the van door slides shut and they speed away, she is smiling and making out with one of the men who kidnapped her, as she pulls off his ski-mask.  That's what it is like, at least in my case.  On one hand, she's a captive.  On the other, she's a monster.

Yes, we understand because we have seen what is behind the mask.  And many people don't get it.  Either because they buy her mask or they are obsessed with her, too, and living in the haze.  The "disorder always wins"... . for now.  But it doesn't have to take over our lives.  Part of the dynamic of a person with this type of disorder (and Histrionic and Narcissistic) is to have everybody be wrapped up in and obsessed with them... . even if it is being wrapped up by being obsessively angry about it all.  

Do you want to beat this thing -whether you mean her or this "disorder"?  Then move on.  That is how you win.  You win by moving your heart forward.  Otherwise, she will always be doing something to check your pulse and see if she has your heart on a string.  Let it go and realize that a day will come when everything will be brought to light and dealt with.  Know with confidence that it is coming, and put your heart into that and into your future.  Hang in there, my friend.

[Mutt]

Hi anthony_james,

I'm sorry about the difficulties and space that your in right now. It's tough.

Sometimes we may feel like anger isn't an appropriate emotion. You may feel like you shouldn't be feeling this way and your feeling empathy for her and sacrificing how you feel.

You are grieving. It's a normal stage in the grieving process. You may cycle through the stages in different orders or you may cycle through one more than once. Grieve healthy anger and vent. You have a right to feel like you were violated and you have a right to feel anger. Shout it out if you have to! How do you work through your anger anthony_James? Boxing, gym, martial arts?

[Tausk]

Hi anthony_james,

I'm sorry about the difficulties and space that your in right now. It's tough.

Sometimes we may feel like anger isn't an appropriate emotion. You may feel like you shouldn't be feeling this way and your feeling empathy for her and sacrificing how you feel.

You are grieving. It's a normal stage in the grieving process. You may cycle through the stages in different orders or you may cycle through one more than once. Grieve healthy anger and vent. You have a right to feel like you were violated and you have a right to feel anger. Shout it out if you have to! How do you work through your anger anthony_James? Boxing, gym, martial arts?

I agree with Pooch    I try not to judge my emotional state too much.  It is what it is.   But how I respond to my emotions is what determines if I grow or regress from the experience.

Anger is part of the grieving process.  Anger is there when we lose anyone or anything we cherish.  Anger can be near the final stages before acceptance.   And we need to grieve.  We need to grieve our dreams.  We need to grieve our childhoods.  

We need to grieve for the loss of someone we loved.  Our exes are not complete enough to maintain the self that we loved.  So in essence the person we loved died.   The person we loved, mirrored our good and loved us the best they could.  But that person is no longer.

And it's somehow harder to accept that the person I loved no longer exists when it seems like she's living and married to the guy she cheated on me with.  

But the person I loved wouldn't have cheated on me.  The person I loved saw no one else but me and thought that I would save her.  The person I loved sublimated what little self they had to mirror me.  

But that person no longer is.  And anger is a natural part of the grieving to move acceptence that the person I loved has left and can only be found in my projections and memories.

In support

T  

[enlighten me]

We are not bad people to feel anger about this. Its perfectly natural.

From my perspective its more intense with a BPD as part of them was what we wanted. They were the loving, kind caring person we thought they were. Unfortunately that person only came out in fleeting glimpses.

It reminds me of the struggle that Golem in lord of the rings went through. Constantly battling with himself but in the end being over ridden by the power of the ring. That ring for a BPD is self protection. The fear of opening up and being hurt. This all consuming fear overwhelms them and forces them to pull back, hide who they are and never allows them to open up for more than a brief moment.

We have all been cheated here. Cheated out of a loving relationship. Cheated of our dreams. Cheated of years of our lives that could have been happy and constructive. Theres nothing wrong with being angry at being cheated.

[BorisAcusio]

its irreversible and doomed and yes i am talking about her disorder. there is nothing anyone can do anything about it except for her. i am getting over a disorder. i am getting over a disorder. wait what ? a disorder ! where is it ? how long is it ? what does it look like ? blonde or brunette ? how can i even be angry at something not physical. I know a lot about it and its really the nastiest thing i have ever known about, but its not physical. how can i be angry at it ? get a pillow and write BPD on it and beat the crap out of it ? objectively, she has nothing to do. she is a body driven by a disorder.

The disorder is just label for a certain set of character traits that these people have. As Oktoberfest once wrote, it is not a pathogen that is observable by itself, like a flue. You can't blame BPD, it doesn't exist that way.

[AwakenedOne]

ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER ! ANGER !

After experiencing a BPD breakup I would think that our most common feelings would be anger and sadness. I know I have experienced both. I think it is important to let the anger flow it's ok, within reason. Go to the gym and workout, or scream her name or tear up her pictures. If you have no pictures of her draw a picture of her with some crayons at a time where she did something bad to you and then rip it up if it makes you feel any better.

The thing that has helped me is to just fill up space in my day keeping busy. Also taking things one day at a time. I put something else in my mind as much as possible as a time out. It's not easy to do this though. Like playing guitar all day, watching tv, reading, cleaning, doing errands and just keeping busy. The problems and pain don't go away. Over time they will begin to numb though, the anger will slowly get less and more of a deeper understanding of things will hopefuly occur. I sure hope so in my case. I still have resentment after she has F'd me over in so many ways. It's normal, we aren't robots. My advice is express the anger in healthy and creative ways till the anger slowly fades. Regarding sadness, what both you and I are forced to do unfortunately is to mourn the loss of the dream of what our gf's/ wives could have been to us in our lives.