hello

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, I have not been online for quite a while after my relationship with my expBPD ended in January.   I want to thank everyone for the help and support I received.   I have had no contact with her since then and that has helped me immensely.   That  was the result of a DV order she filed against me.  I look back at the dysfunctional relationship and realize that I played a part in putting up with unacceptable behavior.   I also came to the realization that I am attracted to woman who suffer with the disorder because of unresolved issues in my core family.   I am addressing those issues in therapy.   I started dating a woman who is really nice and am pursuing my passion for hiking and rock climbing.   I just finished a section of the AT in MA and CT last weekend.  I feel 100% better today.  

[irishmarmot]

Hi, I have not been online for quite a while after my relationship with my expBPD ended in January.   I want to thank everyone for the help and support I received.   I have had no contact with her since then and that has helped me immensely.   That  was the result of a DV order she filed against me.  I look back at the dysfunctional relationship and realize that I played a part in putting up with unacceptable behavior.   I also came to the realization that I am attracted to woman who suffer with the disorder because of unresolved issues in my core family.   I am addressing those issues in therapy.   I started dating a woman who is really nice and am pursuing my passion for hiking and rock climbing.   I just finished a section of the AT in MA and CT last weekend.  I feel 100% better today.  

[LettingGo14]

Hi, I have not been online for quite a while after my relationship with my expBPD ended in January.   I want to thank everyone for the help and support I received.   I have had no contact with her since then and that has helped me immensely.   That  was the result of a DV order she filed against me.  I look back at the dysfunctional relationship and realize that I played a part in putting up with unacceptable behavior.   I also came to the realization that I am attracted to woman who suffer with the disorder because of unresolved issues in my core family.   I am addressing those issues in therapy.   I started dating a woman who is really nice and am pursuing my passion for hiking and rock climbing.   I just finished a section of the AT in MA and CT last weekend.  I feel 100% better today.  

Thank you for the follow up, and note.  It helps us all.   And, congratulations on working through the hard stuff we all face in the aftermath of our relationships. 

Is there anything specifically helpful you have found in working with FOO issues? 

[irishmarmot]

  Yes, reading all the posts helped me to take responsibility for putting up with unacceptable behavior.  Many of thw posts discussed FOO issues so I started looking at my own and discovered that my mother shows many borderline tendancies.  That explains the stormy relationship that I have had with her most of my adult life.  I learned over the years how to detach from her but never saw the connection between her and my past relationships with women.  Now I understand why I chose partners with BPD.  I am self aware and know what not to look for in a prospective partner.  Not sure if I answered your question

[heartandwhole]

  Yes, reading all the posts helped me to take responsibility for putting up with unacceptable behavior.  Many of thw posts discussed FOO issues so I started looking at my own and discovered that my mother shows many borderline tendancies.  That explains the stormy relationship that I have had with her most of my adult life.  I learned over the years how to detach from her but never saw the connection between her and my past relationships with women.  Now I understand why I chose partners with BPD.  I am self aware and know what not to look for in a prospective partner.  Not sure if I answered your question

Great news, irishmarmot, I'm so glad you posted.  It feels great to read about good things happening for our members!  You are doing the work and are reaping the rewards, and that is very heartening.  It gives us hope for better days.

Thanks for sharing and keep us posted. 

[Caredverymuch]

Hi, I have not been online for quite a while after my relationship with my expBPD ended in January.   I want to thank everyone for the help and support I received.   I have had no contact with her since then and that has helped me immensely.   That  was the result of a DV order she filed against me.  I look back at the dysfunctional relationship and realize that I played a part in putting up with unacceptable behavior.   I also came to the realization that I am attracted to woman who suffer with the disorder because of unresolved issues in my core family.   I am addressing those issues in therapy.   I started dating a woman who is really nice and am pursuing my passion for hiking and rock climbing.   I just finished a section of the AT in MA and CT last weekend.  I feel 100% better today.  

Thank you for posting such an encouraging message. I logged on today with one thought.  What have members found helps the most in healing? It seems timely you've added your insight on just that.  Good for you and keep growing and caring for yourself. You mentioned you are able to identify BPD a bit easily in potential dating partners.  What would you say is the initial red flag that you notice?  I'm petrified I will find another borderline or vise versa and never want to repeat any aspect of that type of r/a again.  I, too, realize I allowed myself to participate in the crazy making cycles.  Like  most here, it was such an incredible emotional confusion, the push pull and splitting. Seems so much of the education comes after we get out and have found this site.  Thanks for your insight and to all members for yours as well.  Do you have advice in spotting potential BPD in future partners?