Some things to do when you just want to make your heart happy.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi Everyone,

This site has been so unbelievably helpful for me to see that I was not the crazy one. I was not the failure. That sort of love I had with my BPD Ex was just not sustainable. She wasn't the love of my life. She was a lesson, if not the bottom of my life.

I have been feeling very alone lately. Questioning some friendships around me. I want deeper relationships with people these days. Where there is commonality, etc. I live in LA and let me tell you, its one of the most lonely cities. Everyone appears to have an agenda.

I decided to start volunteering. I am reading to kids now. I am trying to find things that remind me that there is good in this world. Does anyone have anything they started doing that makes them feel good?

[JRav59]

Hi Everyone,

This site has been so unbelievably helpful for me to see that I was not the crazy one. I was not the failure. That sort of love I had with my BPD Ex was just not sustainable. She wasn't the love of my life. She was a lesson, if not the bottom of my life.

I have been feeling very alone lately. Questioning some friendships around me. I want deeper relationships with people these days. Where there is commonality, etc. I live in LA and let me tell you, its one of the most lonely cities. Everyone appears to have an agenda.

I decided to start volunteering. I am reading to kids now. I am trying to find things that remind me that there is good in this world. Does anyone have anything they started doing that makes them feel good?

[Fluff]

There's a couple of things I've started doing to enjoy myself on my own. I started therapy, I'm going to the gym, I'm taking salsa lessons, painting lessons, I've started playing the flute and I'm practicing hindi. 

This is all good but there's two pieces of the puzzle missing. First one is I'm meeting way to few new people. I really want to meet new people but I don't know how. The salsa lessons gives me a little bit of that. Having such a hard time meeting new people it was devastating seeing how fast my BPDex met and feel in love with new people.

Secondly, I want to do something altruistic, with passion! But I don't know what... there's so many things that's wrong out there... .but I just dont feel a passion for any of it...  

I'd love to see this thread filled up with good ideas... .   

[Lucky One]

Join a Club or Church.

You'll meet hundreds of new people.

Tennis Club, Chess Club, Art Club, Dancing Club, Golf Club, Table Tennis or Badminton Club, Gym Club, Horse Riding Club, Hiking Club, Running Club, Walking Club, Mountain climbing club, Air Balloon Club, etc.

There's a whole lot more. The main thing is to do what you really enjoy and get amongst nice positive people who's company you enjoy. And who make you FEEL good about yourself.

If you join a Church, stay for tea and cake after the service. Most churches have groups of people doing different things helping others. You could end up meeting a whole lot of new "good" people.

Reading to kids - Fantastic. What a joy they are.

Good Luck - it's in your hands, to make it happen!

[icecream]

I started gardening and growing vegetables.

I dont have much space and currently 2m3 will be enough, but now that i'm thinking how to explain myself here i suddenly realize how therapeutic it works for me:

Outdoor, fresh air, close to nature and seasons, hands in the earth, while gardening i dont drift away in daydreams.

Creating plants/flowers/vegatables/fruit from seeds is so heartwarming because: it makes your place looks nice and lovely and alive, you get the benefits from fresh and cheap vegetables and much nicer taste, creative, calming, physical, your care does reward.

Not every seed decides to grow or it dies along the way but you need to replace them and throw away to make space for the ones who are happy to shine around you. So easy to replace, no need to feel guilty, no manipulation, clear outcomes... how simple nature works!

I can recommend this to every Non who struggles... it surely makes me and the people around me happy if i show up with homemade flowers or vegetables

[AG]

I started running on top of my weight lifting regiment. When I beat a new time it feels pretty good. On top of that it's a plus that my body is really in shape and looks good. I also started writing poems again. The poems I've written though are kinda depressing but they are a form of release for me. Like if I feel low enough and depressed enough where I feel like I can't take it I release it in the form of a poem. I also started writing rhymes again not the same as the poetry because these are basically raps in song format. I read alot also on self help topics. I'm also adding tai chi into the mix very soon was supposed to start this week but had a major bill to pay so I couldn't start it yet. Not sure if your into any of those but they help me at times and they are things I can call my own meaning they are not associated with my ex. I think thats important too something that is yours and only yours that you don't associate with your ex even remotely. Why don't you try some type of dancing class. I used to take Salsa classes while with my ex but she ruined it for me. However the reason she ruined it for me is because she knew damn well women were going to come on to me which they definitely did but I was being loyal so no reaction. Dance classes are fun doesnt have to be Salsa there are so many and because you have to partner up with someone to dance it is very easy to get close to someone like that. Once I get my anxiety issues calmed down a bit I'm going to go back just because she ruined it and it would feel great to conquer it because of that. Plus I was having fun prior to her jumping down my throat and disgusting me with the whole thing. Try the a dance class of some sort you will definitely meet someone like that even if its a friend

[maric]

I started gardening and growing vegetables.

I dont have much space and currently 2m3 will be enough, but now that i'm thinking how to explain myself here i suddenly realize how therapeutic it works for me:

Outdoor, fresh air, close to nature and seasons, hands in the earth, while gardening i dont drift away in daydreams.

Creating plants/flowers/vegatables/fruit from seeds is so heartwarming because: it makes your place looks nice and lovely and alive, you get the benefits from fresh and cheap vegetables and much nicer taste, creative, calming, physical, your care does reward.

Not every seed decides to grow or it dies along the way but you need to replace them and throw away to make space for the ones who are happy to shine around you. So easy to replace, no need to feel guilty, no manipulation, clear outcomes... how simple nature works!

I can recommend this to every Non who struggles... it surely makes me and the people around me happy if i show up with homemade flowers or vegetables

Hey Ice, I have been gardening too! Seeing new sprouts coming from earth and little leaves growing just reminds me of my own process of healing... .it always puts a smile on my face!

[icecream]

  that's what i mean Maric! Keep on the good work!

Sad you live in Brazil... or we good start exchanging 

[Pieter2]

Hi Everyone,

Gym - Best thing you can do. You look better each day and it is refreshing. Also, set goals and get friends to go with you.

Your home - How many things can you do around the home that actually cost nothing.

Study - Study something new or take a class. So easy to do.

Work - Maybe it's time to move on?

If you combine gym+nice home+well educated+good job = What do you get? A boyfriend/girlfriend that everybody wants. :-)

Don't worry about meeting new people because your BPDex did. You're looking for quality people, not just anyone so just keep active, be happy yourself first. The people will come :-)

[Lucky One]

Hi Everyone,

Gym - Best thing you can do. You look better each day and it is refreshing. Also, set goals and get friends to go with you.

Your home - How many things can you do around the home that actually cost nothing.

Study - Study something new or take a class. So easy to do.

Work - Maybe it's time to move on?

If you combine gym+nice home+well educated+good job = What do you get? A boyfriend/girlfriend that everybody wants. :-)

Don't worry about meeting new people because your BPDex did. You're looking for quality people, not just anyone so just keep active, be happy yourself first. The people will come :-)

Echo That,

Especially - "You're looking for QUALITY PEOPLE" part