Eventually I'm posting :)

[Lightbulb]

Hi All,

Ive been lurking around here for about 2 years now and this is my first post. Ive been reading and analysing everyone's contribution here and its great to see that there is a community that understands what having a LTR with a BPD is actually like.

One of the most effective tools a BPD has over us when we eventually "put the ball down" is projection and FOG. They make us doubt the reality even though we have a list as long as both my arms of the lies, bad mouthing and entitlement.

Ive given my one the road after her last whopper! I would have given up so much for her but I'm beginning to realise she done me a favour.

I need to forgive, let go, not be concerned with who the next sucker is and move on. Any advice would be welcome on how to progress through this crappy road ahead!

Tks

[seeking balance]

 

2 years of lurking - wow - what made you decide to post?

Advice - give yourself the time and space necessary to grieve.  These relationships take a toll, it takes a bit of time and very good self care to get ourselves out of the FOG.

Peace,

SB

[Lightbulb]

Thanks SB,

Im posting cause I had always harboured a tiny spec of doubt that she would stop the lies, manipulation and projection.

That doubt is not there anymore. I have to learn to move on and not allow myself to get roped in by the guilt and blatant projections. The problem is that we have a 1 y/o son together and she using that as a tool to keep yanking my chain. She knows that I love my son and will always come back to get to see him a few times a week. I wish i knew fully how to mange this better... .

[seeking balance]

Thanks SB,

Im posting cause I had always harboured a tiny spec of doubt that she would stop the lies, manipulation and projection.

That doubt is not there anymore. I have to learn to move on and not allow myself to get roped in by the guilt and blatant projections. The problem is that we have a 1 y/o son together and she using that as a tool to keep yanking my chain. She knows that I love my son and will always come back to get to see him a few times a week. I wish i knew fully how to mange this better... .

Well, you are right, as the mother of your child, you will be in each others lives for a while on some level.  Definitely check out the parenting board and boundary workshops, they are invaluable.

Do you have a custody arrangement with her already or is that something still to be determined?

[Lightbulb]

Thanks, I'm not in any custody battle or anything like that, she doesnt stop me from seeing him at all I give her that. Its the constant FOG that she spins. Its like she keeps it up until I say "your behaviour is forgiven and lets agree it will never happened again" and we're back on the roller coaster again until the next time she pulls something that wouldn't be acceptable from your worst enemy. She has me by the balls... .

[seeking balance]

Its like she keeps it up until I say "your behaviour is forgiven and lets agree it will never happened again" and we're back on the roller coaster again until the next time she pulls something that wouldn't be acceptable from your worst enemy. She has me by the balls... .

Well, we are not done until we finally are... .I suppose it is time to take your balls back... .

What is different in you that you won't go back?

[Lightbulb]

Realising for definite that the light at the end of the tunnel will always be an oncoming train. The story of the scorpion and the frog sums it up. I can't take my balls back entirely unless i relinquish my relationship with my son. Im bred to be kind and loyal to my kids no matter what... .

[seeking balance]

Realising for definite that the light at the end of the tunnel will always be an oncoming train. The story of the scorpion and the frog sums it up. I can't take my balls back entirely unless i relinquish my relationship with my son. Im bred to be kind and loyal to my kids no matter what... .

you can co-parent - have you checked out the parenting boards?  There are some definite tools for you there.

[Lightbulb]

I know and I have and thanks for your input SB. There is no perfect answer...

[Mutt]

I know and I have and thanks for your input SB. There is no perfect answer...

I'd like to join Seeking Balance and say hi! My kids were S2, S5, D7 at the time and my ex was yanking the chain and using the kids as pawns. It's frustrating but I had to lay down serious boundaries with court orders. I'm sorry about what your going through and your son is very young. FOG and projection works if we're still attached but once those lines are drawn things change. Do you have a court order Lightbulb?