In the past three months I've made tremendous progress in figuring my life out and healing the issues that we're preventing me from changing my life. I'm 26 and I'm finally ready to be an adult. I dealt with severe anxiety issues and avoiding making any decisions for my own life lest I make another mistake. I've overcome it. I've been doing some CBT with a counsellor on a weekly basis since April, but the final steps that have put me on the right track and enabled me to finally take all the responsibility of my own life into my own hands have occurred in the last month, partially due to a lot of meditation. She, my counselor, told me yesterday that just based on my attitude and how far ahead I'm planning, she doesn't think I need her anymore. She's right. I wake up every morning and I'm a completely different person. Motivated, determined and extremely resilient.
And now my uBPDbf has told me we are done. I've pulled the final string and he's unravelled and eh no longer finds me or my personality attractive. That the issues I had (codependance, inability it take responsibility for my mistakes, flakiness). That I only bring him down at this point.
All because I ended up coming up to his place late last night. Said I would be there at three but due to my own mistakes came at 6 once he'd already left for work. He lives 2 hrs across the border from me. And then accidentally cut him with an owl ring I have on my hand while he was play fighting (is -my significant other is too sharp- a valid reason admissible in court for divorce?)
He's told me he doesn't even want to be near me anymore. That I'm still just as useless as I was when he met me. He met me while I was very depressed and recovering from a traumatic physical assault. Of course I was useless and codependent while working two jobs both at which I sucked. I needed someone to make the world a safer place for me. He has a savior complex. He wants someone to need him. He also wants someone who is his equal. It's fair.
It's just... .now I am becoming his equal. He's not around enough to see just how much I have changed.
I'm not sure what I want.
He wants someone to need him.
This sounds likely.
He also wants someone who is his equal.
No. I doubt this is true at all. Actually I think the opposite may be true.
When someone is incapable of being truthful with their words the only thing you can do is judge them by their actions and behaviors. Your bf was supportive when you were in shambles. Now that you are stronger he's not interested. This is simply his behavior and shows that he in fact isn't interested in you being his equal. If this were the case he'd be overjoyed right now about the progress you've made. He may think you'll abandon him if he's not 'needed'. Or perhaps he's bored in r/s where he isn't in complete control.
He's told me he doesn't even want to be near me anymore. That I'm still just as useless as I was when he met me. He met me while I was very depressed and recovering from a traumatic physical assault.
And... .queue the emotional abuse--your bf is "cutting you down to size" so to speak. It's a control tactic. He wants your self esteem to crumble so that you don't question him and you remain under his control. The r/s doesn't work for him if you are healthy and start having a voice. What he really means here is, he wants/needs you to be as "useless" as when he met you, so that you don't question him. This way you're more likely to stay through his abuse.
And, kind of telling of what type of man this is; the type of person who has a complex to save someone, not because they love them but in actuality they think they are 'useless'. It makes you wonder why they would go through all the effort if you were worth so little. I worry that he may be looking for an outlet to dump his abuse onto and now that you are stronger you aren't as useful in this regard.
