she died

[camuse]

So sorry. Thinking of you.

[BuildingFromScratch]

I'm sorry for your terrible loss. I truly can't imagine what you are going through. I wish the best for you and your family.

[heartandwhole]

rogerroger,

I'd like to extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your children.    There are no words for times like this. Please know that we are with you, supporting you through this very difficult loss.

Loving arms around you and your little ones today, and going forward. 

heartandwhole

[Caredverymuch]

I received a call tonight that my BPD ex wife has died. She had threatened suicide many times, but I think it is much more likely that it was an unintentional overdose. She was never responsible about taking any medications.

It hit me a lot harder than I would have expected. I still haven't told our kids. I told them she was very sick and was taken to the hospital.

In spite of all our difficulties and the intolerability of our marriage, I never stopped loving her. I continued to hope that she would receive the help I couldn't give her and get her life under control. Friends and family never really got that I saw our divorce as a tragedy for everyone involved. Even though I didn't hold out hope for reconciliation, I always hoped we could co-parent. At times she seemed to be moving in the right direction.

The news that she is gone is so painful. Whenever the kids told me they had a good time at Mommy's, my heart rejoiced. I don't know how to explain to them (they are 7) that the time they spent with her two days ago was the last time they will ever spend with her.

I feel selfish for thinking that there are things I left unsaid. Things I couldn't tell her because she wouldn't have been able to receive them without being triggered.

I know I couldn't have saved her, though I also know she still thought and hoped I could. I never responded to the texts she had sent me begging me to take her back so we could be a family again - promising to live clean and sober. It broke my heart that she was in such pain. I remember the look of terror in my sister's eyes when I told her that sometimes I wished I could just gather my ex into my arms and hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. The terror was that I would take her back. I knew it would have been a disaster, but I still felt that way.

I regret that the kids didn't get to have the Mommy that everyone wanted them to have. And now all hope is gone of that, even if it was profoundly unlikely.

I feel like bawling my eyes out, but that will have to wait until I can bring myself to break the news to the kids. I dread it.

I am so sorry for your loss roger and I am sending you sincere condolences.  .  We are right here for you wrapping you with our immense blanket of caring and support. 

[Rifka]

I also want to extend my deepest condolences to you and your family.

[GaGrl]

Oh, overpower... .I am so very sorry for your loss and pain. Please know that many people are sending prayers and positive energy to you.

[half-life]

Very sorry for your lost. I'm teary eyed when I read this.

[mywifecrazy]

Saying a prayer for you and your kids Roger. For yesterday may the good memories be the ones that stay with you, For today that you are able to grieve a let it out so you can be strong when the reality hits your kids and For tomorrow that when you and your kids get through this that you guys we be so close and such a tight family able to get through anything.

Peace to you Roger... .MWC

[biglearningcurve]

Hi Roger.

Was wondering how you were doing and hoping you had a goodnights sleep. Not sure where you live but I am in the Southern Hemisphere, so sending you good thoughts from this side of the world.

[Stjarna]

I am heartbroken for you Roger.  I really have no words to relieve the crushing pain you must be in now.  I live in fear of this daily, as my exhusband also has had several suicide attempts and I also get texts from him for me to please come back, that I am his only salvation.  I know exactly you feel, that you just wish you could wrap your arms around them and shield them from their nightmares, but alas, we cannot.  Hugs to you.  You are brave.  Take good care of yourself right now, please. :'(

[rogerroger]

Hi Roger.

Was wondering how you were doing and hoping you had a goodnights sleep. Not sure where you live but I am in the Southern Hemisphere, so sending you good thoughts from this side of the world.

Thanks for thinking of me, BLC. I probably got 2 hours of very restless sleep. I'm sure you know the feeling: so tired everything buzzes and feels unreal, but as soon as you start to fade out, some new thought triggers a release of emotions and wakes you up.

I'll get through it. As I tell my kids, we are allowed to be sad when we lose someone we love.

[Vatz]

Jesus... .

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to understand what you are going through right now. I don't have any words besides my condolences. 

[rogerroger]

I am heartbroken for you Roger.  I really have no words to relieve the crushing pain you must be in now.  I live in fear of this daily, as my exhusband also has had several suicide attempts and I also get texts from him for me to please come back, that I am his only salvation.  I know exactly you feel, that you just wish you could wrap your arms around them and shield them from their nightmares, but alas, we cannot.  Hugs to you.  You are brave.  Take good care of yourself right now, please. :'(

Thank you. Yes, that pain is all-too familiar to me. I know that the only one who could really fight her battle was her, even though she was desperate for someone else to fight it for her. She fought as best she could, but just didn't have what she needed to win it. Filing for divorce required me to accept that it was not "our" battle to fight. I wasn't an equal partner with her, and buying into that view simply fueled the cycle of co-dependence.

[topknot]

Prayers said for you and your children, Roger.  You have a great support system on this board, since we understand more than anyone what you are feeling.   

[InSearchofMe]

Dear rogerroger,

My heart goes out to you.  I know what you are going through.  Just over 4 weeks ago my darling BPDh took his own life.  As much as they wanted us to, and as much we may have wanted to, we could not change how they felt, or fix their illness.  It is heartbreaking to have to acknowledge that this illness is sometimes fatal.

Big hugs to you and your children.  I don't have any great words of wisdom as I am so new to this part of the journey but I am here if you need to talk to someone who is on a similar path.

[whirlpoollife]

In the days ahead as the kids try to comprehend death they can get worried that you might die too. If that happens,  in reply, keep it short. " no I'm not going to die, I will be here everyday".

[Tolou]

Roger.  I am sorry to hear about your family's loss. Take  care of yourselves and you did what you could always remember  that, your post shows in all the words you use that you still loved, that love doesn't die. God bless you are in my thoughts and prayers.