Does any Fear that they will hurt you during this NC

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I have been NC for over a month now.   I have seen him one time since April 3rd(in june) but still would listen to him.  Now I have a major family crisis and I just don't have time for him and his needy and verbal lashing ways anymore.  The thought of talking to him makes me ill.  However, the last week, its has been constant calling, begging me to call him, text him something.   What I am really scared of is he will snap and hurt me.   He has not really hurt me before (well one time pinning me down)   But I just get scared when I don't engage with him.  Like he will just sneak up on me.  He has come to my house unannounced.    I sometimes think I should just be talking to him so I know his where abouts.   In other words --anyone afraid of them, but don't have a legitimate reason to get a restraining order?   I feel I don't have a reason.   I just want him to go away.    And the calls are increasing again but not mean or threatening - yet.  I am just not responding, so  I feel I am just aggrevating him into something worse.   Thanks.

[drv3006]

I have been NC for over a month now.   I have seen him one time since April 3rd(in june) but still would listen to him.  Now I have a major family crisis and I just don't have time for him and his needy and verbal lashing ways anymore.  The thought of talking to him makes me ill.  However, the last week, its has been constant calling, begging me to call him, text him something.   What I am really scared of is he will snap and hurt me.   He has not really hurt me before (well one time pinning me down)   But I just get scared when I don't engage with him.  Like he will just sneak up on me.  He has come to my house unannounced.    I sometimes think I should just be talking to him so I know his where abouts.   In other words --anyone afraid of them, but don't have a legitimate reason to get a restraining order?   I feel I don't have a reason.   I just want him to go away.    And the calls are increasing again but not mean or threatening - yet.  I am just not responding, so  I feel I am just aggrevating him into something worse.   Thanks.

[SpringInMyStep]

So does he have keys to your house?

Mine lives in the same neighborhood but she can't get into my condo and I don't think she'll stalk me. However there's a very good chance we'll run into each other while out and about.

[drv3006]

No he has no keys to my house. 

[gentlestguardian]

I had this same fear when I went NC with my BPD. For about a week and a half I felt extremely on edge and was vigilant about my surroundings and who was around my home. It has been about two and half months of NC now and she hasn't shown up anywhere, at least not to my knowledge. The strong fear that she would show up unannounced and do something crazy has worn off for the most part now (truly), and I feel reasonably safe and un-edgy.

[drv3006]

Gentle.

Does she still try to call you during all this?   It's the text and then my home phone rings then my cell phone.   Messages "please call.  I need a friend, you know I am ill."   On and on.   This is the stuff that sucks me in.   If I block him, which I have before, he shows up.   I don't want that either.    I know his ex wife had a restraining order against him during the divorce.   He's a mess.  But my family has a major crisis and frankly, I just don't have time for him.   Which does not help his illness much, but I don't.    He' sucks the life out of me in his needy ways, and his verbal analytical BS abuse.   I just don't have the time.

[gentlestguardian]

Gentle.

Does she still try to call you during all this?   It's the text and then my home phone rings then my cell phone.   Messages "please call.  I need a friend, you know I am ill."   On and on.   This is the stuff that sucks me in.   If I block him, which I have before, he shows up.   I don't want that either.    I know his ex wife had a restraining order against him during the divorce.   He's a mess.  But my family has a major crisis and frankly, I just don't have time for him.   Which does not help his illness much, but I don't.    He' sucks the life out of me in his needy ways, and his verbal analytical BS abuse.   I just don't have the time.

She tried to call once after I blocked her on FB ( ) but that was the only time.

I know how engulfing it can feel when someone with BPD constantly reaches out to you to be their lifeline. Each time you probably feel like you probably could help him just this last time, and you probably feel like you're the only one who can help since he "opens up" to you... .But you really can't, and from the way you've described the situation, it doesn't sound like it's your responsibility to. It's his responsibility to help himself.

[drv3006]

She tried to call once after I blocked her on FB ( ) but that was the only time.

I know how engulfing it can feel when someone with BPD constantly reaches out to you to be their lifeline. Each time you probably feel like you probably could help him just this last time, and you probably feel like you're the only one who can help since he "opens up" to you... .But you really can't, and from the way you've described the situation, it doesn't sound like it's your responsibility to. It's his responsibility to help himself.

I felt that way at first, but now I feel exactly how he said I would--like he is a bother.   And he is!   He repeats the same resentments over and over.   He projects all his stuff onto me and wants every moment of my time.   Its never enough what I do, or worse he says I didn't or did do something, and he can be just down right evil.   I don't care anymore and that is what makes me feel bad.   And because I don't care, it gets easier to go NC.  But the easier it is on me, the harder on him and I fear he will hurt me at times.   I don't know.   

[Loveofhislife]

Yes--I feel unsafe in every way. My cat went missing a week after he started the ST, but exbfBPD took the time to say his sons' cat had gone missing. Scary. I have called the police before when he broke into my house, and the ADT alarm caught him. He definitely stalks--prides himself on being a former private investigator. I know he has stalked me via online accounts, email, credit cards, etc. My boss has started exercising his concealed carry license in the office (where exbfBPD has randomly shown up before as well as many other places he knows I frequent.) I have begun disputing charges he has made on my credit card, which could violate his probation and return him to an institutional environment. Am I afraid? Heck yeah!

[drv3006]

Loveofhislife,.  I am so sorry you are going through this. It is scary. Its so hard to be in fear.  I failed and talked to him tonight.  I just hate the weekends. I feel if i just listen to his crap he will stay at bay. And so far that works. But i know its just a matter of time.  So what are you doing to keep your sanity?  Do you have kids?  I have it easier cause I don't have kids with him. But he has children. They don't like him.  I have been thinking about taking self defense classes.  I don't know. I am so sorry you have such and angry controlling person. I have one of them too.