The damage can be catastrophic in a disfunctional family with BPD involved

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

Well part of the reason families are often disfunctional is because of children that live in screwed up households with little to no emotional support, alcoholism, drugs,   etc.    What I have personally experienced over the last 10 years is after my mother passed away my two siblings have fallen apart.   It is sad and I wonder why but clearly they never got their wings to fly.     They both have mental illnesses.  My sister with BPD and my brother suffers from my mother's ailment depresssion and anxiety.   He also has delusions of grandeur and is not in this reality.   

My BPD sister and my brother were close.   Not anymore.     Although since I have gone NC I am sure she will in true BPD fashion try to re-connect with him.   Anything for "controversy" to team up against me.   Have fun siblings!   The two of them have typically united in the past and presented themselves as the "f"d up front against me the "sibling that can actually hold down a job and raise a family and have my own life".     My brother still can't support himself.    He goes from family member to family members house and will continue so until this last option dies.     He likely will be homeless as the enablers have enabled & really done him no good.

My BPD sister has worked very hard over the years at creating a divide between me and my brother and relative in another state.  She was the sole contact and made sure to tell them all the dirt and negative things about me that she invented.       I gave up caring a long time ago & she could tell them I'm a mass murderer and I could care less.     My BPD sister also made sure that both her x husabnd and new B.F.  both dislike me.    My interactions yet always positive are somehow clouded in the background with her "stories".   

Because of my BPD sister my brother stopped talking to my elderly dad.    I was knocked off the list without explanation over 5 years ago.     

Point here:     People with BPD wreak havoc on families.    They thrive and fester in disfuctional families.     My BPD sister and screwed up brother tried to work on the other side of my extended family but failed miserably as I am close to these family members and they see I am not "bad" or "mean" as I have been painted out to be.     When I went thru my divorce they instead of them feeling for me

Sometimes with BPD people the divide grows and it become team #1 People that believe the BS and team #2 people that realize that they are sick.       Life isn't supposed to be about sides but when divides form, sides happen.     Team #1 well,  I don't want to be on it anyways.  These are the people in my family that also have many issues and are pretty broken.     I would much rather be on team #2.

This is a serious disease and in my opinion one of the most difficult to treat.     My dad conveyed to me that BPD sister's first psychiatrist told her she has too many problems for him to handle and passed her along to someone else.    Very telling.  I suspose she is trying.   Time will tell but I have seen no signs yet.  But part of the reason it is so difficult to treat in a disfunctional family is that struggles already exist.     BPD people are maniuplators.    Dividers.      They create tension between other members of family so they can never truly unite to talk about teh BPD that needs the help.     They are their own worst enemies.

Best of luck to everyone with a BPD member of their already disfunctional family.       Sometimes it does come about sides and that is just the people that choose  to live life full of love and those whoe choose to live life full of hate.


  :'(

[Louise7777]

Hi funfunctional! Yep, unfortunately I can relate to all that. I have seen this my whole life, but for years I wasnt aware it wasnt "normal. I realized I was missing having a family while already in university I visited a friends home and all her relatives were normal and enjoying themselves. Meanwhile my own family was a battleground... .

The divide and conquer, the fights, the manipulative and controlling behaviours... .its all still there, Im just far from it. In my family it was very confusing, loyalties (if you can use that word) changed from time to time... .They badmouthed a relative and then were best friends, all depending if it suited them at the time. If you agreed when they badmouthed, you could expect that info to be passed ahead and used against you. I was caught up in a game I didnt even know was going on.

And the saddest part of it is it goes in at least 5 generations in my family (I wasnt born when the first one was alive, but the behaviours scream BPD/ enablers all over the place). Im the forth generation but even the 5th is affected, lots of N traits there, since early teenage years (Im NC with them so I have no clue now, but given the history I dont think there will be any improvement).

I decided this wasnt healthy for me at all and I prefered to mourn the loss of a family I never had to continue to have some kind of interaction. It was very draining for me and I didnt like the role I was assigned when born, so I have quit the play. Im out of that scenario. But ocasionaly (rarely) somebody phones me and makes some comment on how well they are doing financially (all smoke and mirrors) or the recent fight and try to drag me in. I just change the subject or say somebody is at the door. The latest development is they got appaled I didnt care for their news ""who dares not to care about us, the royalty?"    ) Its interesting to see how it develops in cycles, over and over again, always the same plot and characters... .Its a boring play, I can tell u! 

[funfunctional]

Yes Louise.   

Funny as I don't know as far as history of BPD in my family.  I know one side exhibits more but I didn't know that side as much.     I think with the family I grew up with:  mom & dad & siblings WE are the crazies.    My grandmother had mental illness but she was loyal.   If I ever said anything negative about my mom (her daughter) she said to me "don't talk about my daugther like that.   She didn't entertain it.  She had severe anxiety issues while raising her family and psychotic episodes but not BPD.      It seems my BPD sister is a first for this.    My brother is not BPD but has other issues that I can only speculate.     

My dad has a really big mouth but doesn't have BPD.  He has foot in mouth!   My mother said some stuff but I didn't think it was BPD.   

I can totally relate to your comments about seeing other families and realizing they were "normal".    I would get invited to parties with my friends families and got a first hand look at people that were functional and realized how disfunctional my family is.    We had our good moments.  However,   the lack of loyalty,  and lack of "niceness" between us all was fostered by a "pinning" and constant "comparing" of each of us to each other.   My parents told me when I was a freshman in college that "i was going to be a loser like my brother" because I struggled my freshman year.     That was a classic.   

I have learned to just not talk anymore.  I breathe and just say nothing.    I feel like I don't want to act anything like the nasties.     Even if I feel a certain way about someone I try to stuff a sock in my mouth.    That old saying 'if I don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything". 

A disapointmet family can be.