BPD is hell

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm not sure if the uploader actually has BPD, but it seems unlikely that someone with BPD would be that aware. The video really paints a sad picture and I must admit I got a little choked up watching it. I forget sometimes that she was a bi-product of a ___ty past that was no fault of her own. I still hate her for what she did to me, but it's really hard sometimes to hate someone when you really understand the disorder.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt9SOvILMI8&list=PLC61FD17A1BDEFAF5

[robert4574]

I'm not sure if the uploader actually has BPD, but it seems unlikely that someone with BPD would be that aware. The video really paints a sad picture and I must admit I got a little choked up watching it. I forget sometimes that she was a bi-product of a ___ty past that was no fault of her own. I still hate her for what she did to me, but it's really hard sometimes to hate someone when you really understand the disorder.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt9SOvILMI8&list=PLC61FD17A1BDEFAF5

[camuse]

Wow that's really sad to watch

There's no point hating them - they hate themselves more than you ever can. "Sometimes I feel happy," this is the saddest thing for me. We want them to be happy, but it's not possible - and that is really tragic.

What they do to us is nothing really compared to the lifelong hell they have to endure. Just frightened little children wanting someone to make them feel safe, but no one can and anyone who tries to is destroyed.

[Nicolai]

I understand that. But let's say we understood cancer. Could we possibly be friends with cancer? I am sorry... But BPD is hardly genetically. It is an psychological problem caused by their environment and trauma. It's a shame that it happened. But their is manny who is strong enough to survive it. BPD is those who wasn't strong enough. It's a shame, and one can place plenty of blame! But if they want to be part of our game, they need to stop calling us lame annd start being our dame. My ex was obsessed with how much local fame I had. It is despicable really. I want them to be happy of me, just for my name alone. Even so it is a reason behind their madness, doesn't change that they would be horrible wife's, horrible mothers and horrible people. So forget them... They would have emotionally abused is for the rest of our life. We would die by the age of 50. So buckle up and find someone worth your time! Someone who can love you, for you. Not for what you can do!

[Infern0]

I know how it must feel because I've actually found hell on earth and it was that awful place that my ex put me in.

It was horrible,  miserable,  surreal,  meaningless existence with nothing positive whatsoever and no meaning to life anymore.

Yeah, they live there and it's sad. But I no longer need to "imagine" what it's like because I've been to hell on earth and it's the worst place in the world

[Mutt]

“And it's hard to hate someone once you understand them" - Lucy Christopher

It's emotional arrested development. If my ex had a choice to be mentally ill or not would she choose it? I wouldn't, I would hope that if I were, there would be understanding and compassionate people that wouldn't alienate me because I'm ill. I don't hate my ex. It's saddens me that she doesn't understand, it is a part of her personality.

My love can't cure it or is above it. She needs to want to help herself. No one else can do that for her. I chose to look up to a higher power. I let go. Let god. I choose to care from a distance and follow a new path. Her journey is her own.

[Whiteytheox72]

 :'( :'( :'(

That was very hard for me to watch. It is almost word for word what she confessed to me with tears in her eyes one week ago after NC was broken. Her musical tastes even reflect the pain and hopelessness. I always told her that her musical tastes sound like a heroin overdose. Its like watching a wounded animal. I want t help s bad it hurts but I know that if I invest anymore I will lose more and I have very little left inside. So you drive away with tears in eyes not looking in the rear view mirror hoping like hell she gets serious help but just know in my gut that she is just too far gone.

[drummerboy]

Very touching! The saddest thing is that I would never have abandoned her, never. I believed in her. But she's gone now. It's over.

[merlin4926]

That was very moving. Much as he's hurt me I do want my ex to be happy - watching that just reminded me of what he deals with every day and that's his future. I'm hurting now but I'll heal

[camuse]

I understand that. But let's say we understood cancer. Could we possibly be friends with cancer? I am sorry... But BPD is hardly genetically. It is an psychological problem caused by their environment and trauma. It's a shame that it happened. But their is manny who is strong enough to survive it. BPD is those who wasn't strong enough. It's a shame, and one can place plenty of blame! But if they want to be part of our game, they need to stop calling us lame annd start being our dame. My ex was obsessed with how much local fame I had. It is despicable really. I want them to be happy of me, just for my name alone. Even so it is a reason behind their madness, doesn't change that they would be horrible wife's, horrible mothers and horrible people. So forget them... They would have emotionally abused is for the rest of our life. We would die by the age of 50. So buckle up and find someone worth your time! Someone who can love you, for you. Not for what you can do!

A useful dose of realism, thanks

Off topic, but I wondered if your post was part of a song or something? There are lots of rhyming words in it!

[Nicolai]

I was just in a rhyming mood!

[going places]

I understand that. But let's say we understood cancer. Could we possibly be friends with cancer? I am sorry... But BPD is hardly genetically. It is an psychological problem caused by their environment and trauma. It's a shame that it happened. But their is manny who is strong enough to survive it. BPD is those who wasn't strong enough. It's a shame, and one can place plenty of blame! But if they want to be part of our game, they need to stop calling us lame annd start being our dame. My ex was obsessed with how much local fame I had. It is despicable really. I want them to be happy of me, just for my name alone. Even so it is a reason behind their madness, doesn't change that they would be horrible wife's, horrible mothers and horrible people. So forget them... They would have emotionally abused is for the rest of our life. We would die by the age of 50. So buckle up and find someone worth your time! Someone who can love you, for you. Not for what you can do!

I'll drink to that.

Brilliant!

[EaglesJuju]

While watching the video, I could actually feel the pain that person was going through. I experienced it for 5 minutes, imagine having a lifetime of feeling like that. Regardless of how their behavior has made us feel, it really must be a lifetime of hell for pwBPD. 

[camuse]

When I told my ex how I felt after our b/u - the depression, feeling of dread and panic, the gut wrenching physical pain in the chest, etc etc - she replied very sadly "that's how I feel all the time." It was a key moment in my understanding of the hopelessness of it all, and I went NC 4 days later.

If what she said was even half true, then I can't help but feel so much sadness for her - even in spite of all the awful things she did. What a life.

[Blimblam]

When I told my ex how I felt after our b/u - the depression, feeling of dread and panic, the gut wrenching physical pain in the chest, etc etc - she replied very sadly "that's how I feel all the time." It was a key moment in my understanding of the hopelessness of it all, and I went NC 4 days later.

If what she said was even half true, then I can't help but feel so much sadness for her - even in spite of all the awful things she did. What a life.

My ex was always complaining if chest pain. She thought it was acid reflux.  She went to the doctor and they told her she was too young for that.

When I was discarded I would look in the mirror and barely recognize myself I felt a constant chest pain.  That is how they feel and they desperately reach out to cling on to anything to distract them from that terrible pain.  

They want to be undersood and appreciated. They want to belong.

In the aftermath and devestation, yeah now I think I can finally relate to her.

It's the dark side of the self and I am slowly learning to accept it once I have I think I will have forgiven her and myself.

[Lucky Jim]

Like what you're sayin' there, Mutt.  So true.  My BPDxW engaged in all sorts of destructive behavior because at some level she didn't want to help herself.  I couldn't cure it; no one can.  Took me a long time to let go and let God, as you put it.  I had to leave in order to find myself again, which for me was the only way out of a dark wood.

Lucky Jim

[freedom33]

Regardless of how much we were hurt most of us can transcend our situations. But pwBPD? It was not their choice to be born or abused to end up with this hell of a disorder. We will keep away, stay NC, do what we have to do for ourseves and heal eventually. We have lives to live - pwBPD for the most part don't. We can reach a point of detached compassion for ourselves and these people. Not an either or. Embrace compassion for the tragedy and pain of life - for all involved. We owe it to ourselves if this experience amounted to anything. It is called the opening of the heart.

[imstronghere2]

BPD is Hell?    Good

[Mr Hollande]

"Be proud of yourself for going through what most 'normal' people couldn't even handle."

"Be proud of how strong you are and how much of an ability you have to cope with emotional pain."

Never mind the countless casualties left behind in your wake. Never mind what they've gone through because of you. Never mind us who loved you and learned about our ability to cope with emotional pain. Yeah, be proud of that.

"Most people could not handle what you have."

I tried and I agree. I could not handle it.

"You are a truly strong, amazing and beautiful soul."

Err, no. Sorry but no. You are a lot of things but not that. So no. No with bacon, cheese and extra mayo on top for the biggest no on the menu. And a cup of your biggest no to wash it all down with please.

"Never forget that."

Forget what? How I explained over and over that I love you and will do anything for you when you reiterate the same deranged fantasies over and over. Or how you forgot me in a flash when the next new toy caught your eye? Or all the other torture you inflicted on me for loving you. Yeah, never forget that. What's that you say? Oh, you forgot. OK, never mind.

"Thanks for watching"

Thanks for trying but I remain unconvinced.

Also, let me paraphrase Jimi Hendrix when I say "excuse me while I  !"

[fred6]

That video and 5 bucks won't even get ya a pack of smokes. Do I feel sorry for my ex? Yes I do. However, I feel more sorry for myself. When all is said and done, she had a choice in her actions. I had no choice. I was discarded like one of her used tampons. I would have stuck around indefinitely if only she would have taken my hand and made an effort. She made the choice not to. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. After watching that video, I don't got 'em... .

[Mr Hollande]

And with LOUSY taste in music to match. I know I should feel sorry for her but I can't.

[camuse]

"Most people could not handle what you have."

I tried and I agree. I could not handle it.

Reminds me of one of the last things she said to me.

"I loved you too much and you couldn't handle it - so you pushed me away."

Um what?

[Blimblam]

"Most people could not handle what you have."

I tried and I agree. I could not handle it.

Reminds me of one of the last things she said to me.

"I loved you too much and you couldn't handle it - so you pushed me away."

Um what?

It's true though, then she projected that into you and you identified with it and projected it back.

[camuse]

"Most people could not handle what you have."

I tried and I agree. I could not handle it.

Reminds me of one of the last things she said to me.

"I loved you too much and you couldn't handle it - so you pushed me away."

Um what?

It's true though, then she projected that into you and you identified with it and projected it back.

I suppose it is. Still a very weird way to view the relationship.

[Blimblam]

"Most people could not handle what you have."

I tried and I agree. I could not handle it.

Reminds me of one of the last things she said to me.

"I loved you too much and you couldn't handle it - so you pushed me away."

Um what?

It's true though, then she projected that into you and you identified with it and projected it back.

I suppose it is. Still a very weird way to view the relationship.

People do it all the time it's just the way a BPD is fragmented makes it more extreme.

Lately I have been breaking it down using the karpman triangle and schema modes to understand the interaction and my role in it. I find it a good way to identify my own triggers that way in the future i will know who I am and when someone is manipulating on a concious or unconcious level. And to recognize my own projections. It's not easy work but leads to some real growth.