Stress/ Learning to deal with it

[Depression = 72% of members]

            Ive been feeling  the stress mounting up again and I havent been dealing with it very well.

                                  I feel I am being as bad to my self as my mom and sister have been.  Im angry because I left behind a house to come here and help my mom and sister with our sick Aunt and the thing that is really getting to me now is that My mother told me they had plenty of money! and not to worry about getting a job right away. They sold a building that belonged to my Aunt for 100,000 dollars! yes,  and my mother went on and on to me about how I wouldnt have to worry and how she would pay off my credit cards for me so I wouldnt default  on anything and that it was all right and that I didnt have to worry.  Guess what?  They are just about out of money and this 100,000 dollars is gone all ready.    

                    I am freezing right now. My mother finally felt guilty for telling me I couldnt  have the heat on here in the house which was soo absurd!  She says its ok now,  but only to have on ?I dont , 71 ?  I am sorry... Its freezing here now,  the heater doesnt do anything at this setting!  And it doesnt matter,  when they get the heating bill,its not going to matter how careful I am,  I will be blamed... . I know it.

                   Then it happened again.  Ive been feeding the old hores (horses)  exactly the way my sister had been doing it, plus feeding my two horses, of course we are going to go through grain alittle faster,  but not that much, I feed mine 2 cans a day. I called a head of time to tell them we were almost out of grain and my mother got really mean to me.  Can I win? She went on inferring that I was doing something wrong in such an ugly shaming way.  I couldnt believe it.  Like I was just dumping grain onto the dirt for no reason and leaving it.  Finally we get grain and true to form like her, instead of being sorry to me she just acts really really nice like nothing happened.

Now something is wrong with my computer and I have to ask my dad for help.  I need it too find a job! All the applications for teaching are on line now, plus everything esle.   Was I lied to?  :)id my mother lie to me and tell me what ever I wanted to hear to shanghigh  me into moving here?  Now, I dont have a job.  Im in the perfect position to be vulnerable to them. to be abused,  lets be frank!  

         Then I called my dad and his wife answered and spent all this time gaining my confidence that I could talk to her. I told her I saw a counselor and that I didnt want my mom or sister to know at this time.  Guess what she did? My mom is asking me in her car:  :)id you see a therapists yet.  I heard you did.  Of course I said no. I am so mad at my family.  I hate my family. And then my dad's wifes is like tellling me that I should be obligated to do what my sister wants because she controls the money.  I cant believe this!  First  of all,  its not her money... . I dont care how my dad wanted to rationalize this,  SHe hasnt had a normal job in 15 years.  Ive been working my ass off for 14, 5 in the morning until 5 at night.  I came here to help not be their slave... .and then my dad has the gal to infer that "I"  was acting like victim martyer through out all this.  Maybe I am the victim,  maybe I was lied to.  Maybe he needs to take his toxic abusive sheeet and shove it up his ase.     I am the youngest,  do you know what that means?  That means that I am still at 53 years of age being used as the scape goat for everyone elses problems.   I was lied too and brought here on false pretenses.  

    And then my mother wont leave me alone about going to church with them. Where they are now. Im not going.  I dont believe you have to go to church to be close to God.  Plus, it makes me sick the way Ive been treated and they come back not thinking once about the way they are doing things in reference to themselves and to me.

Im taking my computer in tomorrow and I am going to find a job. Im waiting for my insurrance to go through to see my counselor again and Im turning up the heat.  (in the house)    


P.S>   Then to top it off: Both of them keep over buying stuff! all the time! this does not make sense to me. They go to Wal-mart like 4 times a week!  and go to thift stores, and just over buy buy buy,  stuff they dont really need. and leave the lights on all night in the house for the dogs and the cats in the garage. Thats electricity ,it adds up.  Can anybody else make head or tails out this?

[goingtostopthis]

            Ive been feeling  the stress mounting up again and I havent been dealing with it very well.

                                  I feel I am being as bad to my self as my mom and sister have been.  Im angry because I left behind a house to come here and help my mom and sister with our sick Aunt and the thing that is really getting to me now is that My mother told me they had plenty of money! and not to worry about getting a job right away. They sold a building that belonged to my Aunt for 100,000 dollars! yes,  and my mother went on and on to me about how I wouldnt have to worry and how she would pay off my credit cards for me so I wouldnt default  on anything and that it was all right and that I didnt have to worry.  Guess what?  They are just about out of money and this 100,000 dollars is gone all ready.    

                    I am freezing right now. My mother finally felt guilty for telling me I couldnt  have the heat on here in the house which was soo absurd!  She says its ok now,  but only to have on ?I dont , 71 ?  I am sorry... Its freezing here now,  the heater doesnt do anything at this setting!  And it doesnt matter,  when they get the heating bill,its not going to matter how careful I am,  I will be blamed... . I know it.

                   Then it happened again.  Ive been feeding the old hores (horses)  exactly the way my sister had been doing it, plus feeding my two horses, of course we are going to go through grain alittle faster,  but not that much, I feed mine 2 cans a day. I called a head of time to tell them we were almost out of grain and my mother got really mean to me.  Can I win? She went on inferring that I was doing something wrong in such an ugly shaming way.  I couldnt believe it.  Like I was just dumping grain onto the dirt for no reason and leaving it.  Finally we get grain and true to form like her, instead of being sorry to me she just acts really really nice like nothing happened.

Now something is wrong with my computer and I have to ask my dad for help.  I need it too find a job! All the applications for teaching are on line now, plus everything esle.   Was I lied to?  :)id my mother lie to me and tell me what ever I wanted to hear to shanghigh  me into moving here?  Now, I dont have a job.  Im in the perfect position to be vulnerable to them. to be abused,  lets be frank!  

         Then I called my dad and his wife answered and spent all this time gaining my confidence that I could talk to her. I told her I saw a counselor and that I didnt want my mom or sister to know at this time.  Guess what she did? My mom is asking me in her car:  :)id you see a therapists yet.  I heard you did.  Of course I said no. I am so mad at my family.  I hate my family. And then my dad's wifes is like tellling me that I should be obligated to do what my sister wants because she controls the money.  I cant believe this!  First  of all,  its not her money... . I dont care how my dad wanted to rationalize this,  SHe hasnt had a normal job in 15 years.  Ive been working my ass off for 14, 5 in the morning until 5 at night.  I came here to help not be their slave... .and then my dad has the gal to infer that "I"  was acting like victim martyer through out all this.  Maybe I am the victim,  maybe I was lied to.  Maybe he needs to take his toxic abusive sheeet and shove it up his ase.     I am the youngest,  do you know what that means?  That means that I am still at 53 years of age being used as the scape goat for everyone elses problems.   I was lied too and brought here on false pretenses.  

    And then my mother wont leave me alone about going to church with them. Where they are now. Im not going.  I dont believe you have to go to church to be close to God.  Plus, it makes me sick the way Ive been treated and they come back not thinking once about the way they are doing things in reference to themselves and to me.

Im taking my computer in tomorrow and I am going to find a job. Im waiting for my insurrance to go through to see my counselor again and Im turning up the heat.  (in the house)    


P.S>   Then to top it off: Both of them keep over buying stuff! all the time! this does not make sense to me. They go to Wal-mart like 4 times a week!  and go to thift stores, and just over buy buy buy,  stuff they dont really need. and leave the lights on all night in the house for the dogs and the cats in the garage. Thats electricity ,it adds up.  Can anybody else make head or tails out this?

[pessim-optimist]

Hello goingtostopthis,

All that you describe must be really, really stressful. I have read some of your other posts... .

By now you are probably regretting that you came out and feeling extremely vulnerable.

If I were in your position, I would be making arrangements to get back where I came from. Are there any friends who could help you with this?

[goingtostopthis]

Hello goingtostopthis,

All that you describe must be really, really stressful. I have read some of your other posts... .

By now you are probably regretting that you came out and feeling extremely vulnerable.

If I were in your position, I would be making arrangements to get back where I came from. Are there any friends who could help you with this?

                             No,  its too late. I cant go back. I dont want to go back anyways. There is nothing there for me anymore.  I have to go forward. I regret going off like I did in this post.  I was in a bad way when I wrote it. I feel better now.  I have to remember why I came here in the first place and that is to be with my mom because she's getting older now and she has really needed my help. I know origonally I included my sister in this as needing my help  as well but she doesnt need me,  she just wants to control and to control by acting like she needs help. I think she does have a BPD. My ex boyfriend has it and so many things he did to demonstrate this are showing up exactly with my sister.

This move has been really tramatic for me, Im sorry to say because she's been the one to help me do this. She threw away alot of my things with out asking me and tore up this antique linolium floor of mine that I was going to cut myself into squares to save. This is just an example. Didnt even ask me, just tore the whole floor to shreds. I almost past out when I walked into the room and saw it all in one big destructive pile.  I could not believe it! She knew I loved that floor!  How could she do something like that knowing this? Well, you see she had wierd enabler friend with her who started the whole thing. It was not her place to make such a presumption. It was "my" house. 

                    Well,  that's how it goes. My sister is the ultimate victim even though she victimizes. She also is very self dooming, self masocistic in reference to this situation here and she wants me and my mother now in it too with her.  You propose a really good solution to a problem and she says,  no   that wont work, bla bla bla,  excuse excuse., just like my ex.  She steals my good ideas and acts like they are hers. I never thought of it, she did.  She races around this place trying to make a big show how she gets more significant things done here then I do.

            +I caught her last night putting me down again at the dinner table.  I got my sick Aunt to laugh, and my mother was so happy about that and more or less let me know Im a special person. It made me feel real good. Well my sister interjected and made some comment about how my being there doesnt make much difference at all,  it was just the fact that I was a new person there and my Aunt is tired of them two. ,thats all it was.   

                                                                                        Boy,  she has problems. Im trying now not to focus on her so much anymore.  Ive changed my reactions and Im doing so much better.  I love the time I have when shes not around. I love it at night. Its my time... .   So this is when I make plans to make things better for myself and I feel the more I get out there in this world, find another job, friends,  places to go on my own,  the better things will get.  I need to forgive myself for ranting out into the orbit like I did here.  It happens.  (  :   Thanks for responding.     

[pessim-optimist]

I am glad that you feel better and that you have plans to get independent in your new location.

I don't blame you for ranting. From what you describe, your current situation isn't easy and the longer you are dependent on their good will, the longer your sister will be able to exploit it and draw your mom into the middle of it... .

I wish you success with the computer and the job-hunt!