How to explain to friends/relatives

[Paddington1]

I have been separated from my BPD wife since June.  The legal separation becomes official Thursday.

I have had individual therapy and group therapy.  I am improving slowly but surely.  Being away from the rages, walking on eggshells, have things thrown at me etc has definetly approved my health

Very few people knew of the troubles at home and nobody knew the full extent.  I have been very open in therapy about it but now find it difficult in discussing the situation with friends and family.  On one hand I want to tell them everything as frankly it is cathartic but on the other hand I do feel for my ex's feelings.   She does not recognize her BPD.  Many of her family members have nothing to do with her due to her actions but no matter if friend or family questions her she denies everything.

How far have others gone when discussing their experiences with friends and family? 

[Mutt]

Hi Paddington1,



You raise a really good point. The acting out is behind closed doors from family and friends.

It is difficult to explain the intricacies of your experiences since much of the behaviors are invisible.

Family and friends may of had their own perspective and feelings of your marriage. The key word is YOUR marriage. That being said, a boundary can be that there is no need for you to explain, defend or justify what transpired. She was your spouse.  I would suggest saving that for T or letting go of your experiences here with members that were behind said closed doors. Persons from the outside with sound minds won't understand the mental illness and it leaves you looking like your the crazy one explaining.

If your confronted kindly say " I'm sorry. I'm legally seperated and I'm working through this. It's personal and I hope you understand. Thanks."

[peiper]

Mutt is right on target. I've tried talking to my friends and family,  they just don't get it. And her family thinks she is perfect and the only reason their opinion would matter is if I was going to have some kind of relations with them. Which no way on God's green earth will that ever happen!

[Blimblam]

I had a lot of trouble with this.

What I boiled it down to is that I was in a psychologically abusive relationship that severely truamatized me.

Perhaps show them the infamous woman in a vulnerable position with a black eye. The thing is to make that association in their mind.  Not an easy task.

[Aussie0zborn]

As mentioned, if you say too much to people who have never been in this situation, they will think that you're the disordered one. It's best not to say too much.