Where should I see myself in terms of healing?

[thatwasthat]

Had this going around my head for a couple of days now.

I have a question concerning my healing and would be thankful for input/opinions.

As I mentioned in other threads: I think I'm doing great.

I have dreams for the future, met a relaxed girl that I think might turn into something amazing should the stars align (not that we wouldn't deserve it, eh?)

"But" my ex is still often on my mind. But there is absolutely no pain involved. thinking about her doesn't stress me at all. it's more like I am intrigued sometimes, maybe kind of fascinated about how effed up this two months marriage was. it may sound weird but I don't have any other words to describe. sometimes I even laugh about how dysfunctional all this was.

I don't hate her, don't love her. it's like a stranger, a stranger I know I cared a lot for. I can look at all the things that happened from an outside, analytical pov.

I wonder how much of a "but" this actually is? where should I see myself in terms of healing? I think I'm on the right track, but I'd be thankful if anyone would have advice in case I should be careful.

[Infern0]

Sounds like you are doing well.

These BPD relationships are huge life changing events so it's not unreasonable that they will stay in your mind long term.

As long as it's not causing you pain anymore I'd say you are good.  Over time it'll become less and less but you will always think about her from time to time.

[Loveofhislife]

Good morning--certainly hope this means you're doing great. I continue to have to deal with exbfBPD sabotaging and continue to chase him to have property and money returned--this certainly keeps things in the forefront of my mind. But before pursuing legal remedies, I went NC and waited 3 months so that I could heal and process first. My only caution is to try to FEEL everything and not stuff/hide/deny anything.  Stuffing has a way of showing back up when the feelings have festered, and in my case, those feelings show up in anger when I least expect it. As a codependent, I have come to realize much of my life has been severing or denying bad feelings; exBPDbf has brought ALL those feelings to the surface (52+ years worth), and it has been painful as hell.

[Mutt]

Hi thatwasthat,

It sounds like you're indifferent with your ex and centered. Everyone heals at a different pace, there's no timeline. I hope that helps.

[peiper]

Good morning--certainly hope this means you're doing great. I continue to have to deal with exbfBPD sabotaging and continue to chase him to have property and money returned--this certainly keeps things in the forefront of my mind. But before pursuing legal remedies, I went NC and waited 3 months so that I could heal and process first. My only caution is to try to FEEL everything and not stuff/hide/deny anything.  Stuffing has a way of showing back up when the feelings have festered, and in my case, those feelings show up in anger when I least expect it. As a codependent, I have come to realize much of my life has been severing or denying bad feelings; exBPDbf has brought ALL those feelings to the surface (52+ years worth), and it has been painful as hell.

I've also found it so very painful, yet rewarding.  I know that I will never let this happen again. Your healing, healing seems to come and go like waves of the ocean. Just know high tide is on its way.