I have a Question

[maxen]

1- You are holding my stuff hostage

2- You stole all I ever had left in life

3- You won't let me get my things and you destroyed my life

4- You destroyed all I have left

5- You stole my mothers diamond ring and her jewelry box.

when i was present in my own house, having called my wife one hour previous to tell her i was there, she accused me of 'ambushing' her because i was still present when she arrived.

she withheld sex for two years and then blamed me for 'not having a marriage'.

she left by blindsiding me and sent sadistic emalis about her infidelity, then wrote to say that she was considering "saving the marriage."

i'm not trying to engage in one-upmanship, a game i could surely lose to someone, but to show that the intensity of a pwBPD's emotions is so powerful, and the need to fend off responsibility and the shame that comes with it is so severe, that they engage reflexively in projection (BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection ). your wife almost certainly doesn't realize she's doing that (nor did mine).

[NYMike]

Ok.The police called me and she did arrive.

I was a little pissed off because she was with some guy.So as you know I said something and she claimed it was her brother in law.He also stated I am her brother in law.

The cop stayed with me after they left and told me she also stated long before I got there that it was her brother in law.

I lost it in front of the cop and called her a con woman and liar.I said you did not have to lie to me the way you did.

I gave her clothing,toiletries and the dogs stuff.She wanted all of it and I was informed by my lawyer to wait till the court date and get everything in writing.

She was not happy about this and as usual BLAMED me.I told her I lost trust in you and don't want anymore trouble from you down the road.

So here I am and I survived it.I was not to happy about the whole brother in law thing and I am sure she enjoyed getting me jelous and shouting off.

For some odd reason I have allowed this woman so much control over my actions,thoughts and behaviors that it is very scary for me... .And for her,she is calm cool and collective like none of this even bothers her... My take is she has done this so many times before it prolly does not bother her the pain she has caused me.

Right now I am fighting not to break the OOP and call her and voice my rage and resentment.I need help right now not to break this OOP.The cop told me,whatever you do,do not break that or your butt is going to jail... .

I am soo f------------g ANGRY RIGHT NOW... .

[ogopogodude]

oh ... .people, ... people, ... .please go out and buy car cams and go-pros.  It is one thing to document. But it is another thing to video tape everything you do with a go-pro. 

Presenting a cop with a diary of written down crap will only get you so far.  Put a go-pro on your chest for a few months, ... .and you ex will disappear soon enuf.  It has been my experience that no BPD likes to be videotaped.

[ForeverDad]

And for her,she is calm cool and collective like none of this even bothers her... My take is she has done this so many times before it prolly does not bother her the pain she has caused me.

If you can locate other protection orders she has sought against earlier relationships then you might have basis to state she is abusing the system by making a habit of making exaggerated claims and even framing her prior lovers into saying things that could get them into trouble.  Have you read Dr Joe Carver's articles on Controllers, Losers, Users and Abusers?

She is pushing your buttons.  She knows, whether consciously or unconsciously, how to trigger your 'righteous indignation' over the unfairness of it all.  Whether that man is or isn't her brother-in-law is inconsequential.  Police don't care who he is, court won't either.  If you ranted to the officer about that they will see you are likely headed to trouble, hence the warning not to contact her or else you would get in deep trouble.  Yes, you could have asked the officers that just she could enter to get her things (with officer present of course) since likely that man didn't have a real need to enter with the officer present.

Remember too that this is a judicial system, not a justice system.  You might get fairness from the system, but you can't count on it.  But you still have to play by its rules... .obey the order, let go the outrage, be smart, don't do anything to trigger the officials to clamp down on you and move on emotionally.

So, all her things are out now?  Then there is no need for contact ever again.  Do not seek resolution or closure form her, you won't get it and trying there could prove to be a dangerous trap for you.  Closure is something you will have to Gift Yourself.  End the chapter, close the book and toss it into the deep blue sea.  Don't look back.

Trying to make her pay, trying to make everyone agree with you how terribly she has acted, trying whatever... .odds are it would only complicate your current legal issues.  Yes, never confirm that what you said was a threat or even a hint of a threat.  Sort of the way you would warn someone sitting on a tree branch not to saw off the branch since they would fall.  Sadly, in today's world it is getting harder and harder to get people to look at the intentions of the one person talking than at the perceptions of the other person hearing.

I repeat, try your best to quietly end the current legal problems with the least damage to you legally.  Then... .  Let Go.  Move On.  Don't look back.

[enlighten me]

There is plenty of great advice here. Foreverdad has it spot on. I know how hard it is to keep your cool when their mere presence makes you want to scream. What you have to bear in mind is that by going into a rage about her you will only add credance to her claims. You will look like the crazy one and her the victim. Actions speak louder than words. By remaining calm and taking the moral high ground you will undermine her lies. My exgf did a smear campaign on me which has been eroded away by my behaviour. Her new friends have queztioned what they have heard about me and are distancing themselves from her.

I have also planned for her trying to involve the police. Not that I think she will but who truly knows what they will do.

Yours obviously knows the law and is using it to her advantage. I get the impression that when it comes to her you have trouble staying composed. This is something you need to work on as it is what will get you in trouble. NC and avoid at all costs. By proving you want nothing to do with her then you can argue that the order is eestricting your life as you aee unable to even go shopping for fear of breaching it. If there is evidence that she has done this before as others have said then it will add weight to it. Also any evidence of her contacting you or attempting to will add to your case.

You are probably wantung revenge for the injustice she has inflicted. This will trip you up. It will make you do things that add to her credibility.

Your best revenge is to move on and have a happy life. She will keep tabs on you and every time she hears you are happy and over her she will feel pain.