Did any of you just run away?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm over on the staying board normally, but I do have a question about how many of you have ended the BPD relationship.  No, I'm not thinking about ending it - I'm more curious about how others may have ended it with my current partner, and also just playing the mental exercise of what an end to my r/s would look like.  Forgive me if this has been discussed before.

My question - did any of you end your r/s with a BPD partner by simply running away?  By that I mean, pack up while your partner was at work or decide one day to not come home and send a letter, then go N/C?  Or if you weren't living together, simply say, "Its over" and then change your phone number?

I think several previous partners of my SO did this - or at least she sees it this way.  And after being with her for two years, I can see why.  Either that or her exes tried to end things normally, but when she reacted strongly, they just ran.

[maxsterling]

I'm over on the staying board normally, but I do have a question about how many of you have ended the BPD relationship.  No, I'm not thinking about ending it - I'm more curious about how others may have ended it with my current partner, and also just playing the mental exercise of what an end to my r/s would look like.  Forgive me if this has been discussed before.

My question - did any of you end your r/s with a BPD partner by simply running away?  By that I mean, pack up while your partner was at work or decide one day to not come home and send a letter, then go N/C?  Or if you weren't living together, simply say, "Its over" and then change your phone number?

I think several previous partners of my SO did this - or at least she sees it this way.  And after being with her for two years, I can see why.  Either that or her exes tried to end things normally, but when she reacted strongly, they just ran.

[Targeted]

We did not live together, when I know I could not take any more I slowly gathered some of the things I needed from her house and assessed what I can afford to lose and left it there so it would not be so obvious that I did not want to come back. They are very keen picking up on detail like this so she kind of figured it out, which only created a argument and lead her to go out with another man for the hundredth time which I explained to her is one the main reason why am I coming back unless she gets help. I wound up blocking her phone number so she would try and call from other phones, she even had men from work calling me telling me that she wants to talk, then the emails start, so you block those, then she finds a way to write text messages and send them through email, yup. Emails coming from a phone number. They get through and you have to block those now too. She would call my children's phones so those had to be blocked, she called and texted some of my friends to get to me and slander me and they had to tell her do not contact me any more, The break up is just as bad if not worse than the relationship but at least there is a eventual ending, for me no contact is also trying to figure out how she's going to contact me next.

[harbour]

We didn't live together, but spent most of the time together. I ended it with mine one week ago by writing a letter to him. Wrote that I had reached my limit, how and why. I didn't feel safe telling him face to face because of his sudden outbursts of rage. After 4 days he started sending me messages, all warm and loving. I didn't respond, because I wouldn't risk giving him any hope that I might want him back. I feel lousy though for ignoring him and not having responded to any of his messages.

[Gimme Peace]

The first time we separated, he went away to a conference and I moved out while he was gone. Yes, I drained the bank account, hired someone to help me and moved. He was blindsided. We stayed split about 4 months and I was recycled. He's held that over my head ever since, I hear about it regularly.

The next time we split, it was discussed and mutual. Filed for divorce this time, but recycled back after 10 months, the month before it would have become final.

Considering another split right now. Things are worse than ever before, making the previous splits seem pretty mild.

[clydegriffith]

Had i not already been trapped with a child i would have ran away the first time she had me arrested on fabricated domestic violence charges. Unfortunately it was too late by then and i kept going back and repeating the cycle.

[maxsterling]

Wow - interesting stories here.  One story that always sticks in my head is when my SO was in a foreign country a few years ago, she got pregnant.  She had no money and little support, and the man did not want to raise the baby with her, so he forced her to have an abortion.  That's her side of it, anyway.  She claims he eventually just ran away and threw his phone in the garbage, and she had to track him down to get him to pay for the abortion.  I wonder what his side was - probably felt trapped into the pregnancy, maybe considered having the child with her, she went BPD, he freaked and ran.  

She has soo many stories like that... .

[clydegriffith]

Wow - interesting stories here.  One story that always sticks in my head is when my SO was in a foreign country a few years ago, she got pregnant.  She had no money and little support, and the man did not want to raise the baby with her, so he forced her to have an abortion.  That's her side of it, anyway.  She claims he eventually just ran away and threw his phone in the garbage, and she had to track him down to get him to pay for the abortion.  I wonder what his side was - probably felt trapped into the pregnancy, maybe considered having the child with her, she went BPD, he freaked and ran.  

She has soo many stories like that... .

I can relate to this. I firmly believe the BPDx tries to trap the typical "nice guy" with children in hopes of stabilizing her own emotions and her life for that matter but it hasn't panned out thus far. Shes up to 5 kids in 6 years by 3 guys.

[antelope]

I went on a tirade, then the next morning I dumped two carloads of her stuff in front of her door, to the point where she would've had to climb over it to get out... .

after the one and only recycle, I verbally destroyed her by calling her out on a ton of things, and called her a 'parasite' among other things... .

I haven't said one word to her since, despite having run into her countless times... .it's been over two years now 

[going places]

If I could have, I would have... .unfortunately, the house will not sell!

But as soon as the house sells?

I am packing up and moving 5 states away.

I am getting as far away from him as I can... .and I am moving somewhere *I* want to live.

Win win