Should I contact and try to explain lonely child/Borderline scheme?

[lm911]

After reading the post about lonely child and BPD https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=168086.0 , I opened my eyes. But now I ask myself should I contact my ex and send her this link, so that we can work together in healing ourselves?

[Copperfox]

Has she been diagnosed with BPD, and/or does she accept that she has it?  Otherwise, the general consensus on these boards over the last several years is telling them that you suspect they are BPD, even out of kindness or sympathy, does not go well.  They will feel persecuted, blamed, because BPD at its heart is a persecution complex.  They really need to accept that something is wrong with them for themselves first, then possibly you may able to broach the subject of therapy, without specifically mentioning borderline personality disorder.

Another of 2010's posts really speaks to this:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=123984.msg1221875#msg1221875

[fromheeltoheal]

But now I ask myself should I contact my ex and send her this link, so that we can work together in healing ourselves?

You're on the Leaving board, I assume the relationship is over, so it's best to just focus on the lonely child piece, if that's how you define yourself, and see what growth is in there for you, motivated by the challenge of grieving the relationship's demise.

Borderlines are need driven, you were once someone she was using to soothe her emotions when she got triggered, and at some point you became the trigger, the standard progression of a relationship with a borderline and nothing to do with you, it would have happened to anyone.  So being at that point in the cycle and emotionally enmeshed with her, you are the last person that should be having those conversations with her, all her defense mechanisms would show up, and yours, and it can't end well.  Best to focus on yourself, heal, grow, and take the new you out into the world in search of an upgrade you'll deserve, when you're ready.  Take care of you!

[lm911]

Thank you for your posts! I will continue my NC and let go things as they are meant to be.

[Mutt]

Hi lm911,

I'm sorry it's difficult. It's OK to have these feelings. NC is a way to detach and to work through feelings - true and honest feelings.

What triggered you? Did you run into her, think about her, miss her? I understand the difficulties with someone that you care about and wanting to help. It's hard.

[downwhim]

This post is exactly why I am on this board. Thank you for starting my day off right. Yes, we all need to be our own best friend. We all have learned so much about who we are as we continue this journey forward.