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Author Topic: Way Too Enmeshed  (Read 817 times)
vortex of confusion
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234



« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2015, 02:13:29 PM »

One short answer is work on your boundaries. I found this essay, complete with illustrations to be wonderful. At the end are some very good and fairly specific examples of where to draw healthy boundaries.

www.alturtle.com/archives/173

Thank you for the article! I read the first portion and absolutely love the castle analogy.

Excerpt
Next thought: Decide for yourself what is your business and what isn't. Don't be afraid to make 'wrong' decisions this way. If you do, you will soon find difficulties arising from that and get to re-examine it. (Both the stressful reminder to re-examine and the chance to do so are free! Every Time!)

I like that. I do have to reign in my tendency to be a bit too nosy with my husband and his business though. I know that is a weakness of mine. With normal people, they have boundaries in place so it is a lot easier to gauge when I am being too nosy.

Excerpt
Sounding like a jerk by whose standards?  Use your own.

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) I do use my own standards. I have set pretty high standards for myself when it comes to being "nice". If I wouldn't speak a certain way to a customer, why the heck would I speak that way to my spouse?

Excerpt
Your standards of what is being a jerk for you are YOUR BUSINESS!

Yes, they are my business but I realize that MY standards are part of the problem.
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Grey Kitty
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 7182



« Reply #31 on: January 27, 2015, 02:20:06 PM »

Excerpt
Your standards of what is being a jerk for you are YOUR BUSINESS!

Yes, they are my business but I realize that MY standards are part of the problem.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) That is a great realization.

I was making sure that you didn't get lost in your husband's standards. (Back to being enmeshed!)
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Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #32 on: January 27, 2015, 02:42:33 PM »

Grey Kitty, wonderful article! Thank you!  

Vortex, I realized when I read this article that I, too, am waaaay too nosy about my husband's thoughts and feelings.   

I really don't like it either when he asks what I'm thinking or feeling.

And I absolutely hate it when he assumes what I'm thinking and it's completely wrong.  PD traits
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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